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Original poster

Do I leave my marriage to explore sexuality

33 replies

Leafy678 · 13/10/2025 16:20

I (28f) and married to a wonderful man (28m). We have been together for 10 years and have 2 young children (1 and 3).
There is nothing bad happening with our marriage he is my best friend and I adore him. However I have recently started to reflect on my sexuality and I think that I am gay. Lots of thoughts that I’ve had all my life I’ve come to realise aren’t “normal”. However I have no “proof” of this as I have never had a sexual relationship with a woman.

Some examples of why I think I am gay:

  • i can’t bring myself to say the word husband after being married 4 years.
  • I’ve always liked attention from men but was often called “frigid” because I didn’t like touching them.
  • although my partner is objectively great in bed I still only have sex because I feel like I should.
  • Ive never had a celebrity crush that is a man
  • i think that most women are far more attractive than all men
  • i never think I want to rip the clothes off a man.
  • was obsessed with female characters in tv shows.

My issue is I love my family so much and don’t want to break it apart but also myself and my partner deserve better if I am gay. I worried that im not actually gay and will break up my lovely family and be hated and it turns out I actually am straight?

does anyone have any thoughts on what I should do or experience themselves of leaving a relationship that doesn’t have any issues? I have no one to talk to about it, if I mention it to my family or friends that feels like the beginning of the end.

OP posts:
HRchatter · 14/10/2025 19:11

Elektra1 · 13/10/2025 18:55

This is a ridiculous and unempathetic response. Plenty of people simply do not know that they have these feelings before they marry, especially if they marry young. I got married in my early 20s. My boyfriend asked me, I loved him, or thought I did (it was the most I’d ever felt for anyone at the time), and I had massive internalised homophobia as a result of growing up in a household where gay men were referred to as “poofs” and lesbians referred to as “dykes”. I didn’t know any gay people, had never even met an openly gay person. I had had very intense friendships with girls, and once or twice kissed one, but that was easily explained away by “that’s just something that girls do when we’re pissed”. I never thought I was gay, certainly did not want to be gay, and never even had the thought inside the privacy of my own head that I might be.

The OP has come here for some support and guidance. If you’ve got nothing helpful to say, bow out.

Show quote history

It may well be all of those things, but it’s not wrong.

Elektra1 · 14/10/2025 19:12

HRchatter · 14/10/2025 19:11

It may well be all of those things, but it’s not wrong.

Show quote history

Well it is wrong, because it’s based on the presumption that she duped him. She didn’t.

Aposterhasnoname · 14/10/2025 19:15

PurpleChrayn · 13/10/2025 16:22

I think you’d be mad to disrupt your children’s lives to try and shag other people. It would be extraordinarily selfish.

This

Funcurious · 20/10/2025 15:23

Leafy678 I understand completely. Ignore the haters chat to me if you want to understand how you feel and talk to a 'normal' person

VoltaireMittyDream · 20/10/2025 15:33

I relate to a lot of what you say.

What do you think about actually having sex with a woman though?

I like women more than men - they look nicer and certainly smell nicer, and in my experience are better company, and more skilled conversationalists, and more collaborative, and less grouchy and self-centred than men, and more energetic and up for doing interesting things.

But I’m really not keen on touching anyone else’s vulva. I tried having sex with women several times when I was younger, and it really didn’t work for me at all. I just couldn’t get my libido going at all, and the whole experience felt odd and awkward.

(I often reflect on this in all the gender debates when people say genitalia don’t matter. My response to genitalia is pretty much the only thing that tells me I’m not gay)

Maybe it’s not like that for you, though.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 20/10/2025 16:07

At the end of the day, does it really matter if you're gay, bi , or straight here?

The fundamental problem is that you're not attracted to your husband, and it's not fair on him for you to keep lying about it.

I'd be horrified to find out that my partner has only ever had sex with me because she felt like she should, I'd honestly feel a bit like a rapist.

You need to end you're marriage, and then you can go out and explore your sexuality to your hearts content. Even if it turns out you're straight, then it's still the kindest thing you can do for your husband.

HRchatter · 20/10/2025 17:46

Funcurious · 20/10/2025 15:23

Leafy678 I understand completely. Ignore the haters chat to me if you want to understand how you feel and talk to a 'normal' person

🤣🤣🤣
youre hardly normal in the context of this discussion

BanditTheCat · 03/11/2025 23:31

Gosh there’s some really bizarre replies on here, especially considering if a woman posts on MN that her husband comes out as gay they all decry that he’s duped her or wasted years of her life etc etc. The double standards on this app are astounding.

i also posted something similar to this thread OP, a little while ago. I have a young child and have been married a while, but I’m older than you. I have been thinking about this for quite some time and it never quite goes away. For now I don’t have the answers but I wanted to let you know you’re not alone in how you feel. It’s confusing and can be lonely sometimes. For me, someone who commented on my thread called it an ache - and that definitely resonated with me.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5257713-should-i-end-my-marriage-my-bi-curiosity-is-eating-me-alive

Should I end my marriage? my bi-curiosity is eating me alive | Mumsnet

I’m sorry it’s a long one, but I really need some advice from other women who have been through this same situation. Please believe me when I say I ha...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5257713-should-i-end-my-marriage-my-bi-curiosity-is-eating-me-alive

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