19-year-old came out as non-binary

[MitchmumR]

Hello - please excuse the double post, I didn't see there was a specific page for LGBTQ+ children. I've only just made an account, and am not the most tech-literate woman out there!

Anyway, my 19-year-old came out to me as non-binary a few days ago. I love them so much, and am delighted that they felt comfortable enough to tell me - obviously I want to support them as much as possible, I was just wondering if any other parents whose children have come out to them (or trans/non-binary people themselves!) had any good resources I can use to make sure I'm as supportive as possible. Thanks 🤗

Glad you agree with me!

That's because there are only two sexes men have xy chromosomes and women have xx. Sex is biological and nothing can change tha, whatever you are born as male /female that's how you will be for life even if you add or chop bits off. You cannot change sex and there isn't a third sex.
Gender refers to behaviour and social aspects as to whether you think as a man / woman or neither or the other hand is different, you can choose how you want to live and think.
My non binary daughter is now a mum herself and laughs when she talks about her non binary 6 months when she embraced the idea.

Completely genuine.

This makes no sense. If you had no body, which bit of “you” would be doing the thinking?

I know this is new to you now OP and you've probably never thought about it in much detail before now but some of us have been navigating this for years. Many of us have trans children ourselves.

My post was not weird or conspiracy. It was quite mild and factual actually. Go on the Reddit trans pages and see them explain to posters, even minors, how they can get drugs which GPs in the UK will not prescribe. They call it DIY. It's incredibly common and your child will do this.

I was just checking with you whether you knew what you were supporting and it's clear from your response that you actually don't know.

😀

19 year olds are barely adults and the less mature ones can still be prone to bad decisions and following trends. When I was uni that age group were all trying to find their tribe and that manifests itself in sports, music, computer games, sub culture trends, emos, goths etc, everyone wanted to fit someway. Half the kids in my nieces class were identifying as something before they got bored and moved on to the next thing.

I don't think it's new to the OP at all.

You completed that circle quickly.

I think we’re maybe taking this all in good faith when there might be another familiar agenda at play here!

You can predict it.

If they reject gender, then you and they surely just use their sex as a descriptor when required which isn't that often really if you dont obsess about pronouns ie telling others how to describe you .

I totally agree with you and you explained it a lot better than I did.
I never needed a label. I was always just a 4 foot 11, meat eating straight lass from Yorkshire from a working class background.
Not glamorous admittedly.

Welldone on being a sensible parent! I would probably tell my child not to be so bloody stupid but I think your way is better, let them realise it for themselves.

I never thought it was in good faith but I read somewhere it was important to “post for the audience” so to speak.

I think OP might get this thread pulled although they are 'no longer looking at it'
Still common sense seems to prevail about the agenda on here and the potential fall out from it. It is a minority group who are pushing this agenda on everyone else who can see it for what it really is.

Agree. The first few posts had me almost believing - and then it very quickly went in a predictable direction. Still, it's good to see the rainbow nonsense thoroughly debunked again.

I am happy for you OP that they are able to open up to you. You much be happy that your relationship is built on trust.

Try posting on Reddit, they have a really supportive network there - you will have more constructive comments. I have posted there before asking for advise for my trans daughter and they are lovely.

Ah, now that’s interesting - because they’re talking about, or rather consciously or subconsciously hinting at, the burden of gender stereotypes. That is, thinking that the sex of a body dictates how that person should act/look. Without a sexed body they’d just be them, a human being, with no gender-based expectations put on them by society.

Now, how do we reduce or eliminate those gender stereotypes that burden us? By acknowledging they do exist and they are largely oppressive - and by not measuring ourselves by them!

It sounds like you’re from quite a conservative family and that’s fine, but your child should be supported not to measure themselves against the old-fashioned gender stereotypes scale (ie thinking they have to place themselves in the middle because they don’t wholly fulfil male or female stereotypes) and to move forward in life knowing that they can be a feminine man or a masculine woman. Most of my peers believe this but somewhere in the last couple of decades stereotypes reared their ugly head again. That must put pressure on younger people like your child.

So, basically, I’d see supporting them as supporting their confidence to wear what they want, do what they want, like what they want and not feel any need at all to even think about that old gender stereotypes scale. That’s what I do - and it’s very freeing. I certainly don’t call myself non-binary - because that would be supporting those damaging gender stereotypes. Like your child, I am just me. I have a sexed body (female) but it doesn’t dictate my looks, likes or choices.

OP there isn't a supportive community on Mumsnet because of how many people had their lives turned upside down by online activists targeting our child. Your DC is an adult and the activists moved on to the universities. You have no control over that.
My daughter is part of the LGBTQ community but I no longer post on the subject due to the vitriol aimed at me and my daughter.
The universities have seen this all before but please get them to talk to people in real life not the internet.
NB is easy to live with and as long as your DC isn't militant I wouldn't worry to much.
If you love them it's just a label.
Fwiw my daughter has changed hugely in 9 years.

So why are you on a website asking people you've never met about your child?

All very twee!