19-year-old came out as non-binary

[MitchmumR]

Hello - please excuse the double post, I didn't see there was a specific page for LGBTQ+ children. I've only just made an account, and am not the most tech-literate woman out there!

Anyway, my 19-year-old came out to me as non-binary a few days ago. I love them so much, and am delighted that they felt comfortable enough to tell me - obviously I want to support them as much as possible, I was just wondering if any other parents whose children have come out to them (or trans/non-binary people themselves!) had any good resources I can use to make sure I'm as supportive as possible. Thanks 🤗

Yes, I'm starting to get that! I'll look for a site that's more welcoming 😊

For the individual I don't know if there's any particular harm, unless they want to go down a medical pathway, which some NB seem to want to do.
I meant more a bad idea conceptually. You can't "come out" as non binary, as coming out is revealing a hidden truth about yourself. Being non binary is a label a person has decided to adopt, it's an affectation, and it relies on the harmful idea that there is a set way to be male and a set way to be female, and only a selecr few people are outside of those boxes.
But none of that is your kid's fault, it's the age they've been born in, I hope they are happy in the long run.

Not sure what you mean by this, but I'm just going by what my child said - obviously they know more about it than me

Isn’t that what being Non Binary is?

That's pretty much what they said - while some people like their gender, and some people want to change theirs, they're more happy without one. Just semantics I suppose 😊

Artemis is a goddess so seems an unusual choice if you're rejecting gender. Or is it because she's the goddess of chastity and they feel asexual?

As long as your child isn't expecting/demanding anyone else to go along with the pronouns they/them thing - crack on.
It really is "all in my own head & I feel great about it" kind of thing isn't it?
No-one ever really looks at another human & is totally unsure of the other persons sex, as in, "I really, really can't tell if that person is male/female".
Interestingly the NB girl at my daughters school (18 yr olds) gets female pronouns, but she's fine with it.

I'm sure you have no idea what I mean and that your teenager knows everything about it all. Similarly incredulously as to how you "just found" that link which supports your view and allows you to rubbish them, mere minutes after being offered the Bayswater suggestion.

Pro tip: the wide-eyed innocent posting is a dead giveaway.

They said they're not interested in anything medical since they're not transgender, they wouldn't need surgery to affirm their gender.

Maybe 'come out' was the wrong phrase, although calling it an affectation seems a bit unfair. I don't see what there is that would be their 'fault', they were happy before and they're happy now 😊

I'm sure they'd be fine with it, but it's easy to use their new pronouns, so I don't see the harm in making them happy 😊

It was the third link I found when I googled them - plus another from the Trans Safety Network

Semantics is sadly what has got MN the false reputation of being anti-trans. Most of us reject the concept of gender in the same way your young person has. That gets interpreted as being anti-trans as trans people say they identify as a particular gender, rejecting gender is taken to mean rejecting trans people. Which is obviously non-sensical.

Yes - although if they did say they weren't happy with their gender and wanted to change it, I'd support that too

Providing they're not compelling anyone else's speech or pressurising people to do something they're not comfortable with, then crack on. We all did daft things at that age.

They haven’t though

The trouble is OP is it isn't harmless. It might make your DC happy if I were to use their new pronouns, but it would make me actively unhappy to do so.

This is because the concept of NB assumes and implies that people who are not NB actively accept and align with the gender stereotypes that align with their sex. You recognised this yourself in one of your earlier posts. By claiming a NB identity your DC is not rejecting gender stereotypes - he/she is actually reinforcing them for everyone else.

No thank you.

No.

Saying you reject gender is like saying you dont believe in horoscopes.

Saying you are non binary is like saying while star signs are accurate for most people, they dont apply to you.

Forgive me if I prioritise my child's happiness over that of someone on a website who I've never met!

Your kid will have to try and explain 'non binary identities' to you op. No one else can do it, as no one else has the first idea what they are talking about. If they do come back with a definition that makes sense, could you come back and explain to us?

or you could say that mumsnet is well known for sex realism and believing in basic human biology, couldn’t you? Trans is an increasingly outdated and toxic ideology which has spread like wildfire amongst young people, particular those who are autistic and/or vulnerable. There are huge safeguarding red flags associated with it, which are ignored by the usual groomers and useful idiots.
Oh and there’s so such thing as non binary. It’s a meaningless and somewhat insulting term.
Have a look at the Cass Review for starters….

This attitude presupposes that we make others happy by going along with whatever bollocks they come out with. Think about it. Is this rational?
Yes President Trump, you are the King of America.
Yes Harry the whole book is a masterpiece of subtle psychological enquiry into family dynamics.
See what I mean?

If being non-binary means you have traits from stereotypical male and female roles, surely we are all non-binary and your child just means “human”. Pronouns refer to sex not gender.

My d told anyone who would listen she was non binary at 22 and made quite a big thing of it. Wanted neutral pronouns and a unisex name instead of Sarah she called herself Alex.
It lasted about 6 months and then she went back to Sarah as she met a guy and they started going out. Having said that she has always been a very attention seeking person and still is at 25.

Somehow I don't think Donald Trump would be a fan of my child being non-binary 😂

On a serious note though, that seems kind of arrogant; assuming that you're always in the right and non-binary people don't know what they're talking about.

I hate to be old fashioned here. But this seems an unhealthy (and quite popular) way for younger people to live.
Men are men and women are women.
Sorry if this offends anyone. I'm just living in the real world.