Worried for daughter starting high school

[Sailthisshipalone]

So my 12 year old daughter who is transgender is starting high school on monday and im so worried for her.

She also has a diagnosis of autism.

She doesnt find it easy to make friends and shes left a lot of her younger friends behind in primary school.

She keeps saying she doesnt want to go and shes scared and ive been trying to be really positive for her but deep down im petrified.

She transitioned socially around 3 years ago so all the children moving up with her know she is transgender and im so worried about kids gossiping and her being potentially outed to any new friends she makes.

She is also starting to go through puberty so i know tje next few years wont be easy with that.

Im hoping maybe someone reading can relate or is going through this now also

Thanks

only had girl friends who could be ruled and made to play parts in my daydreams

Girls as supporting actors. Bit parts in his main character life. Support animals. Unworthy and undeserving of their own rich fantasy life. There to be used.

Familiar, ain't it. Not a lot has changed.

You should be more concerned about the negative consequences of having social transitioned a vulnerable child from a vulnerable group (autism) than about teacher or peer acceptance.

@AWafferthinmint I'm interested to know what you do with children who use correct sex pronouns, not those who "accidentally misgender". I would very much hope that they are not punished or classed as bullies.

@TheRubyLurker you will never really know how the girls really feel. They have all been conditioned to be kind and to not question. To put aside their own discomfort.

No, children in schools tend to keep quiet because they know the adults in charge will punish them if they state facts. That’s all kinds of wrong, that’s gaslighting and is a massive safeguarding fail.

😂😂
’he was not a gay man’ - Transphobe!

Thank you for being such a good mum ♥️♥️♥️

sending so much love and admiration for a mum who loves her child unreservedly and proudly

thankfully the world isn’t the transphobic/racist den of awfulness mumsnet is! Here’s to your little one finding a loving community.

Also, why there are lots of girls and young women who are convinced they should be men, but a vanishingly small number of middle aged women who could now declare and act on their lifelong held belief that they are male?

If being trans is something you are born with, why does it disproportionately affect these two disparate groups? 🤔

“We were also given warnings (by SLT/Pastoral) about misgendering”.

what sort of warnings?

Are these responses AI generated or something?

I’ve been in this situation before. Our school had an influx of year 7 students who were identifying as the opposite sex. The vast majority of them (around 75%) had changed their mind within 2 years. I just stick with using ‘they/them’. I will be flamed by some posters for this but for some students it’s almost a fad.

Apologies, should have said ‘preferred’ pronoun.

So what you are really saying Stolen is that children are kinder and less likely to be making nasty comments............ because they've been brainwashed into the notion that its fine for a "transgirl" (ie a boy) to use the girls loos. Or vice versa.

Its a social contagion, a cult. Awesome 🙄
Mn is its true a place where we freely talk about this a lot - because we can do so anonymously without fear of losing our jobs, being "cancelled" etc just for stating what is scientifically true and correct.
A boy/man cannot become a girl/woman. Or the other way around. That isnt how science works.

Those of us saying that are not inherently nasty or unkind (it is actually very unkind to encourage the nonsense that transitioning is possible) What we are doing is standing up for our rights as women to keep our women spaces for women and women only. Ditto mens spaces for men.
And the right of children to grow up into happy adults without this awful nonsense in their lives.

Talk about rewriting history. A vulnerable 90-year-old man goes along with something that's suggested to him by an interviewer or decides to adopt the current 'in' language so as to look current, and suddenly after a lifetime made famous by his gayness he's a they/them?

The person writing that account is writing from a transactivist viewpoint: of course they'd interpret anything Crisp said as evidence to support their own beliefs! You'll be telling us next that Marsha P Johnson was trans and not a gay drag queen...

Not almost a fad, totally a fad.

Email sent round the staff telling us that we had to make sure we used the correct pronouns - no mention of consequences, if that’s what you’re wondering.

I once used the ‘wrong’ pronouns for the girl when speaking to the Head of Pastoral and got a jocular (I think) finger wagging and a reminder that I’d misgendered. Never did it in front of kids.

Thanks for your reply.

It astonishes me that participating in a falsehood is mandated by educational establishments, of all places. Really does speak volumes about ideology trumping truth & reality.

In such a situation the most “acceptable” thing I could do would be to avoid using pronouns entirely and only use the person’s chosen name. I can’t refer to a male as “she” or a female as “he”.

Are these responses AI generated or something?

I wish. Unfortunately there are real people who believe in this harmful ideology. It baffles me. Children need protecting yet we have parents going along with something that could damage their children very badly and others cheering them on.

Also, why there are lots of girls and young women who are convinced they should be men, but a vanishingly small number of middle aged women who could now declare and act on their lifelong held belief that they are male?

If being trans is something you are born with, why does it disproportionately affect these two disparate groups? 🤔

I've encountered a couple of older lesbians who've experimented with taking testosterone and then announced they're transmen, but they were both clearly troubled individuals. Horrible childhoods, sexual abuse... the kind of thing that could make any of us vulnerable to quack solutions.

Thankfully, these numbers are diminishing and quickly, as soon as people think about it.
I know I bumbled along five years ago 'being kind' and thinking it didn't affect my life to use incorrect pronouns. Until it did. Sport. It's only when you properly start researching it that you realise what a ginormous fuck up it is.

Pretty sure this 12 year old kid isn't a danger to women!

Sorry your post has been hijacked OP. I'm sure your DD will be ok with such a kind, caring mum on her side. There will inevitably be kids that bring the hatred and bigotry we see expressed here but the vast majority of our kids generation don't feel this way and are far more open hearted and understanding. If your DD went to my DDs school I know she would be welcomed by lots of very caring considerate young people.

Please point out the racism on this thread and explain how racism is in any way relevant to this thread or this topic.

A child of 12 is not a little one. This child is on the verge of puberty. Infantilising a near teenager isn't doing them any favours.

As for the love and admiration for the OP and the suggestion that affirming a child's gender identity makes someone a particularly good parent, with the implication that the rest of us don't love our children unreservedly and proudly - no, just no.

Being a parent is difficult. One of the things many struggle with is saying no and meaning it, putting boundaries in place and sticking to them, and having a frank conversation about something important even when it causes the child distress to be contradicted or corrected, but all those things are essential. Young children don't have the knowledge and experience of the world to make sense of everything. When they come out with something that's clearly at odds with reality the parent's job is to put them straight and help them through their confusion and distress.

It's not helpful in the slightest that so many professional people who should know better, because they should be experts in child development, are telling parents and children that they can have a male body but a girl brain, or vice versa, and all that follows. It's led to cases like the OP's where a child on the autistic spectrum with black and white thinking, trouble with social skills and communication, especially vulnerable to bullying, has been told something absolutely untrue and must now learn the hard way that his parents and teachers have sold him a pup.

I was abused by an 11 year old as a child.

And it's not just about them being abusers.

It's girls that have been victims of other boys/men who ate traumatised and don't want to see nude male bodies or feel like they will be seen by males in changing rooms of toilets.

Girls should be able to go to school and go pee or change their sanitary pads without wondering if a boy might be in the toilets with them, with permission because he 'feels' like a girl.

And here's another one. Please report all the hatred and bigotry you see. Just bear in mind that stating facts is not going to be judged hateful or bigoted.

My point was more that they follow a script and never actually engage with some fairly hefty and important questions...