Worried for daughter starting high school

[Sailthisshipalone]

So my 12 year old daughter who is transgender is starting high school on monday and im so worried for her.

She also has a diagnosis of autism.

She doesnt find it easy to make friends and shes left a lot of her younger friends behind in primary school.

She keeps saying she doesnt want to go and shes scared and ive been trying to be really positive for her but deep down im petrified.

She transitioned socially around 3 years ago so all the children moving up with her know she is transgender and im so worried about kids gossiping and her being potentially outed to any new friends she makes.

She is also starting to go through puberty so i know tje next few years wont be easy with that.

Im hoping maybe someone reading can relate or is going through this now also

Thanks

Using a correct sex based pronoun is not ‘wrong

Quite. Kids shouldn't have to lie all day at school to go along with someone else's delusions. As well as just being wrong, some kids find it very stressful.

“Why expect other children to lie about something as binary and obvious as sex, sometimes on pain of punishment, at school? “

THIS.

This is my main concern.

In my family truthfulness is highly regarded and very much encouraged. The moral compromise expected of children who can tell male from female but who are expected to “be kind” and participate in a falsehood is, in my estimation, unconscionable.

The fact that schools would insist on them lying, on pain of punishment is dystopian.

2+2=5 much? 🤔

How awful that even in LGBT children, people have taken the time out of their day to leave horrible comments about a child. I wish your daughter the best op, please ignore the nasty bullies on here.

Purrer · Today 11:57
How awful that even in LGBT children, people have taken the time out of their day to leave horrible comments about a child. I wish your daughter the best op, please ignore the nasty bullies on here.”

This.

People who prefer to live with fact are now bullies. Wild!

And no one wishes this child bad for goodness sake. People feel worried for children like OPs who are being directly harmed by this ideology and also the children around them who are being indirectly harmed and impacted. Going along with trans ideology is not being kind, far from it.

Why is it horrible to say that it's impossible to disguise a male child's sex once puberty gets under way? That's just a fact. It's also a fact that young girls (and most women of all ages, actually) want and deserve privacy and dignity, as well as safety, in spaces and situations where they are vulnerable, so toilets, changing rooms and much of their PE should all be segregated by sex.

I don't know why you mention sexuality. This child is 12, far too young for sexuality to be fixed or even understood.

Confusion about gender is a totally different issue from sexuality. Adding the T and Q onto LGB has muddled the issue.

Trans children are only in existence because of socially constructed rubbish like pink is for girls, football is for boys, painted nails are for girls etc.

The concept of trans children is also very useful for the older, straight, married men with children who decide to transition later in life. They always say 'I knew from childhood that I wasn't really a boy, that I was a woman trapped in a male body'. Really? If that was the case, why did they marry women and have children and only 'come out' as trans in their 50s, once they'd seen trans porn on the internet? Many of them want to stay married, so they don't want their lives to change except for wearing dresses (rarely trousers) and make-up and changing their names. This is the place to go to to learn more about the wives' experience of being married to these men:

https://www.transwidowsvoices.org

If we take away the idea that there's such a thing as a trans child and look at the issue differently we see that most kids presenting as trans are autistic or have mental health or psychological disorders or come from abusive backgrounds — including homophobic parents who, like Susie Green who founded Mermaids, would rather have a trans daughter than a gay son. And if we stop talking about trans children, then all those grey-haired blokes on TikTok in their high heels and stockings can't say they were born this way,

The trouble is that it is lesbian and gay children who are frequently being caught up in this by homophobic parents projecting their issues onto their own children. The Cass Review highlighted the problem and the Men's Gay Network is pointing on how it's potentially conversion and transing away the gay because of the lack of safeguarding going on.

Should we be ignoring this inconvenient truth? Or do we have to go on believing the Trojan nonsense that it's 'just like being gay' when it very much isn't because of the nature of suppression of the truth and reality that is needed to sustain it?

If there have been any horrible comments about a child, please report them. Nobody wants to see a child bullied here.

PS Stating that this child is male is not a horrible comment, it's a fact.

I haven't seen any nasty comments about the child. There have been some harsh comments about the mother, but most of the comments have been either legitimate concern for this child & their peers.

Lying is stressful.
That is a scientific fact (if these things matter anymore)

“Symptoms of anxiety arise because lying activates the limbic system in the brain, the same area that initiates the “fight or flight” response that is triggered during other stresses. When people are being honest, this area of the brain shows minimal activity. But when telling a lie, it lights up like a fireworks display. An honest brain is relaxed, while a dishonest brain is frantic.”

source:
www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pleased-meet-me/202001/the-truth-about-lying-and-what-it-does-the-body

It’s not as big a deal to kids as it is to adults and if it is it’s because they are being influenced by “gender critical” adults.

Is this the only thing you have to say? Any actual advice on the following topics OPs actions are causing for their child and all the others:

• should another child be forced to refer to this child as something this child is not?
• when is misgendering or using sex based pronouns bullying?
• what toilets should this child use? If the disabled, what about disabled children?
• if they use the boys changing rooms but play with the girls, what about after puberty has hit and OPs child can hurt a girl playing sports?
• how can OP protect their child when there will be children who will not want to interact with this child because of all the pitfalls that come with it (misgendering, accusations of not being kind enough, not feeling comfortable having to pretend)

Fact is that OP has indeed made their child different by allowing transitioning and as it feels, trying to convince their child and the world that changing your sex is possible, and are now in for a rude awakening that the real world just does not work that easy. I feel really sorry for this child, their life is going to be more difficult than it probably should have been.

The OP has a choice - to continue to lie to their child and do even more harm because reality can't be avoided. Or to stand up, parent and be honest about the situation and to guide their child properly with information about how this isn't a magic bullet and you can't actually change sex.

It’s not as big a deal to kids as it is to adults and if it is it’s because they are being influenced by “gender critical” adults.

It should be a big deal. The fact it isn't a big deal to to some kids is worrying, because it shows that we are normalising boys being girls and girls being boys just because they don't fit made up stereotypes. Boys who like 'girls stuff' and may present as feminine should be accepted as they are instead of being groomed by an ideology which tells them they must change. Making kids feel like they aren't ok as they are is fucking awful.

Thank fuck for gender critical people who don't believe a 'feminine boy' or a 'masculine girl' has to change and is perfectly fine as they are. That is the message we should be sending to children because it's true acceptance.

That's very true, but in most schools that's the only available space for someone who doesn't want to change in front of others and you find that the SLT will be desperate to keep everyone happy.

As I mentioned upthread, the one stealth trans pupil at my old school was excused PE. My impression was that they really wouldn't have wanted to participate in PE under any circumstances, to be honest.

I remember being struck by the fact that they were also excused the need to wear the school uniform. (No exceptions were made elsewhere.) The normal uniform for any child that age would have been shirt and tie, black jumper, black skirt or trousers. The FTM pupil wore baggy shorts, baggy sweatshirt, baseball cap, non-uniform colours. (Everything at our school was supposed to be black or white so I can't think of any reason why they couldn't have worn that outfit in black.)

We were also given warnings (by SLT/Pastoral) about misgendering. That never happened, As I said above, in the end it was the pupil who 'outed' herself. I always found this strange since we had been told that the reason that the parent had moved the girl to us was so that she could have a fresh start.

The fact that she desisted after leaving school made me wonder whether the transition had been the girl's choice.

Quite.

When I was a child Mum made me a Little Red Riding Hood cape for a Hallowe'en party. Afterwards, I used it to pretend to be Robin. (My best pal always had to be Batman. No fair!)

The FTM girls that I knew at work were perfectly ordinary girls. The only difference was that by then, most of the other girls were going about wearing a ton of make-up to school, seemingly influenced by online make-up tutorials: I'm talking about girls coming to school with what I would term evening make-up complete with elaborate shading and highlighting.

I recall one girl telling us that she used to get up at 5 to do her make-up.

It also became practically unthinkable for a girl to have short hair. I find it all very sad.

@TheRubyLurker

Do you have a daughter who plays sport? Especially a contact sport.

All the science shows that once through puberty, male bodies are pound for pound 162% stronger than female bodies. Also female bones are less dense and this impact is more dangerous.

You say that the girls at your child's school are not affected by the transgender boys who change with other boys (good, as they should) but play sport with the girls.

They absolutely are affected. If it's a contact sport it's downright dangerous, and if it's not, it is outrageously unfair given there is a10-30% physiologically advantage depending on the sport.

This is an abhorrent misogynistic movement and anyone who thinks they are being kind and tolerant by accepting makes saying they are females are firstly sorely mistaken, and secondly, complicit in keeping this misogyny going.

My own children have proved capable of making up their own minds on this issue. We have discussed it many, many times as they have moved through their teens. We haven’t always agreed. There are times we have had to avoid discussing the issue because it caused tension. I’m relieved to say that they have both eventually settled on the side of reality, science and truth.

I find it instructive that some posters have chosen to use words such as ‘horrible’, ‘haters’ and ‘nasty bullies’ without actually engaging with the issues and questions being discussed. These words and phrases are pretty childish in the context of this conversation. And it doesn’t wash any more. We are way WAY past the point of ‘Shut up bigots!’ and ‘No debate!’ If you want gender critical people to rethink child safeguarding, you’re going to have to do a lot better than that.

I mean….’haters’

Come on! 😂

I am neither daft nor homophobic thank you (nor am I transphobic as so many on here are). See the attached link, Quentin Crisp at 90 came to the realisation that he was not a gay man but a transgender woman. I actually admite Quentin Crisp very much whether he identified as gay or trans. avwww.hertsmemories.org.uk/content/herts-history/people/lesbian-gay-bisexual-and-transgender/lgbtq-history-month-2021/lgbtq-figures-in-hertfordshires-history/quentin-crisp-4

The fact that there has been significant (and increasing) push back from lesbians and gays because of the openly homophobic attacks on them by trans advocates and the legal ramifications of replacing sex with gender (which renders protection in law for same sex attraction useless) is interesting.

But you never get any satisfactory comment on that except for bigot.

That the original founders of stonewall sought to set up the LGB Alliance says a lot.

Quentin crisps own words:

When I was very young, my mother read romantic poems to me.... which inspired me to dream about fair ladies and brave knights, fostering my romantic inner life and shaping my daydream.

I never had boy friends because boys wanted to play rough games and sports and I was never any good at those things, so I never was with them
I only had girl friends who could be ruled and made to play parts in my daydreams.

At the age of ninety, it has finally been explained to me that I am not really homosexual, I’m transgender.

Explained to him... make the girls do what he wants... boys play rough... mother who read romatic poetry to him when he was small. It just always adds up to be the same.