i am nonbinary

[enby03030]

i am a nonbinary teen and i want to come out to my parents soon to use they/them pronouns. i have identified as nonbinary for almost two years and i have been struggling with body dysphoria and being referred to as my birth name and pronouns. i have no wish for surgery/ hormones/ puberty blockers etc. as i know that i am still young and i might change my mind later on (iirc the brain doesn’t develop fully until you are 25), but i would like my parents to use my chosen name and pronouns. i have been scrolling through mumsnet to see whether the general parental population of the uk supports trans teens and i’ve been shocked to find the amount of anti-trans rhetoric throughout the platform. i genuinely want to know if a parent would support their child throughout the changes i mentioned above.

To be fair when humanity ventures to the galaxies and beyond, that's a whole new battleground to consider

@Hawkins003
some tech guy tracks down my house only to find i live with my parents - maybe they’re the fbi agents??

These days no one can truly be trusted especially with the amount of various public and private security agencies, and other corporations ect.

As I said right at the beginning of this thread, I don't buy at all that the OP is genuine.

But if other posters really believe this is a genuine thread then I think it's best that everyone stops engaging and reports the thread. The OP has discussed suicidal ideation. If you believe they are a minor as they say they are then this thread ought to be reported to Mumsnet HQ to put feelers out and sign post the OP to somewhere for help.

Either way, stop engaging. You're either feeding a troll or your trying to debate a confused child.

Report the thread and stop talking to this person.

@Hawkins003
chat gpt could probably do it lmao

Then the vast amounts of different military industrial complex ect

That is a nice bit of software

Although I suspect the public are the ones training the software and then the private companies use the results to improve the various systems that it is incorporated into

literally chat gpt is the loml like it does homework for u lmao

So I've read, as long as people read the essay and correct if necessary it can certainly help with producing useful information.

I would absolutely support you.
My partner is trans and he is the most amazing person I know. My nibbling is also nonbinary.
You are working through a lot and whatever the future holds for you I hope your parents and you get the support you need. Best of luck. 💓

I mean this with kindness OP. Using your preferred pronouns won’t solve the world’s problems.

also, if you want to control what words people are allowed to use whilst referring to you- I’d pick adjectives rather than pronouns.

I would hope in this day and age everyone would be accepting, but in reality some rnt, often religion gets in the way.
You know yr parents, as u have waited 2 years to tell them, I assume u are worried they might not.
Good luck and hope they are as accepting as I would be.

If my son came out to me as nonbinary I'd use their preferred name and pronouns. I'd be worried mainly that they'd been unhappy and where this decision had come from.

Suicidal ideas aren't unusual but I really hope you will talk to someone about them. The Samaritans or your GP, if you feel unable to talk to your parents.

I suggest youvget off the internet andcrnfage in actvitiescthat are literally nothing to do with any of this. Learn an instrument, join a youth theatre, take up a sport. Go riding and mucking out stables and all that entails.

Most of this stuff is born of far too much Internet and too much navel gazing. You are spending all your time in an echo chamber . It is not healthy.
Get out into the real world and start actually start living and engaging snd youvwill see that the world is full of peopke who don't conform to gender stereotypes.

*engage in activities

Sorry fat fingers and no glasses

I'm not sure how the views of strangers on the Internet would help you to know what your parents' feelings are?

I only know 3 people who claim to have a 'gender identity' All men who identify as women.
Everyone else doesn't give it a minutes thought.
Why do you think you do?

OP isln what way do your parents use/not use your preferred pronouns when talking to you?

I cannot imagine saying he/she, him/her to someone about the person I'm talking to.

Pronouns are used to talk about someone surely? In which case you aren't there or part of the conversation right?

You asked for people's opinions & you got them.
If, what you wanted, was supportive & affirming comments then either a different forum/different OP would have been better.

@enby03030

What makes you say this? I'm a man, but I don't feel like a man. I don't feel like anything but me.

I think a lot of kids these days are being told that they have to feel either male or female, and that if they don't then they must be NB, or Trans, or that somethings wrong with them. But I don't think most people "feel" like a specific gender, they just feel like themselves.

It's not like sexuality, where almost everyone "feels" an attraction towards a certain sex. I get Asexuality, because it describes the absence of a thing that most other people feel.

But NonBinary to me just seems to me to be saying, "I don't have a gender Identity", when that's true for 99% of the population.

To answer your question, if my daughter came to me and told me she was NB, then I'd use whatever name she wanted to use. I'd try to use her pronouns, but honestly I'd find it difficult, mainly because they/them seems really odd for a singular person. I find it much easier to remember to use pronouns for trans people. (Mae Martin on Taskmaster for instance keeps tripping me up, I keep wondering which combination of people they're referring to when they use "They")

I would draw the line with my daughter using any kind of puberty blockers or surgery though, that's not something I could support. And privately I'd be wondering what I've done wrong. I think I've taught my daughter that she can be anything she wants, she can like anything she wants, or whoever she wants, but that sex is unchangable.

Honestly, OP, if it were me I would probably go along with my child to a degree and fake it, but I'd try to get them to take a bit of a wider perspective and I wouldn't lie to them about believing in it myself properly because I think it is a bit patronising to treat your child in this way - my five year old knows the difference between me playing a fantasy game with her and her actually being a princess in real life and it wouldn't serve her interests for me to try to set up her life as if her being a princess is actually something that will happen to her.

I'll never really believe in non binary, because it is sexist crap. But I will play along if I have to.

I'll let you into a secret though, lots of teenagers feel despair and real angst at their body changing and going into the unknown of adulthood. I really feel for you, because I was there as a teen.

Please, if you feel actually suicidal, get help. If what you actually feel is major anxiety and low mood, this can be a part of growing up but you don't have to go through that alone and I am sure your parents will want to support you in it.

Being trans or non binary or whatever isn't really the path to happiness save in a very small number of cases, IMO. Most likely, it is just you fixating on an "identity" as a distraction from the shittiness that being a teenager can be. Which is fine, but not really a solution - the solution is to work out who you are in a more rounded sense - are you a girl who prefers less feminine things or a boy who doesn't associate with being blokes? Great! Go out in the real world and develop some hobbies and interests that align with whatever that is - not chatting on the internet in random forums where everyone diagnoses themselves and bonds over their oppression and self hatred. Meet real people, do real stuff - after a while, you'll realise that THAT is your identity and you never had to diagnose yourself. Work out your sexuality in your own time and give yourself proper space to do that - this is a huge part of self acceptance and internal homophobia can be a strong reason for some teens to think that they are actually trans.

You're young, you have a big life ahead of yourself. It's normal to find that scary and overwhelming.

(And I am also non binary, as is basically everyone. Honestly, if all parents just announced themselves as non binary tomorrow it would be so deeply uncool it would go away!)

Dear op

I am also none binary in that I don't think the gender stereotypes fit me at all and have been used to make assumptions about me and restrict what I can do , which hurts.

And I don't like my female body at all

And I'd be quite happy if we got rid of sex based pronouns for everyone

But no one around me would be really bothered - they either like me and treat me with respect or they don't

If they do like me then they know not to make stupid assumptions

If they don't , asking them to treat me as none binary wouldn't matter one jot because we all know k am female and we all know that treating females differently to males is wrong and sexist

Perhaps you could start by not using sex based pronouns and languages for others ? Because I suspect you are assuming that most people are binary , when if you really dig you find mos people are actually none binary

I can’t really understand how calling you a different name fixes things. If it were my child I would go along with that but be crystal clear that they are still male/female. I think it’s a surer path to happiness to accept that which you cannot change Ie your fundamental reality so that would be a primary goal for my children in many things. If they aren’t amazing at science and want to be a nuclear physicist I’d support them all the way in extra study, interesting trips etc but I’d also want them to find something that did have career potential for them and highlight to them that they could still be successful and happy and loved if they went into other fields.

Something else to add: self harm is concerning but it’s also very common in teens for a variety of reasons. It doesn’t mean teens will be happier if parents affirm their chosen gender and nor does it mean they are suicidal. I’d be interested in the data showing whether your average self harm is correlated with actual serious suicide attempts. But parents can’t take that risk because there is NOTHING worse than the idea of losing your child. Please don’t be manipulative op. Query statistics and understand the data and do not threaten suicide if you don’t actually mean it. Do not threaten to manipulate. If you’ve read much of mumsnet you will see that this is common with abusive men. The abused woman finally cracks and decides to protect her children and leave and he says I’ll kill myself and it will be your fault and the cycle continues. They don’t mean it, they don’t attempt suicide, it’s just something abusers threaten. Please keep that in mind.