i am nonbinary

[enby03030]

i am a nonbinary teen and i want to come out to my parents soon to use they/them pronouns. i have identified as nonbinary for almost two years and i have been struggling with body dysphoria and being referred to as my birth name and pronouns. i have no wish for surgery/ hormones/ puberty blockers etc. as i know that i am still young and i might change my mind later on (iirc the brain doesn’t develop fully until you are 25), but i would like my parents to use my chosen name and pronouns. i have been scrolling through mumsnet to see whether the general parental population of the uk supports trans teens and i’ve been shocked to find the amount of anti-trans rhetoric throughout the platform. i genuinely want to know if a parent would support their child throughout the changes i mentioned above.

Not as a teen no sorry to young for a decision like that.
You can be a girl and like boys stuff, or be a boy and like girls stuff you don't have to stick a label on it.

Why the need to label yourself? Can't you just be who you are without putting yourself in a box? What does non binary even mean?

If my son felt the way you do... I would hope he felt safe and loved enough to come out to me as whatever he wanted to be.
I would love him regardless of what he was/is whatever he wanted to be.

I'm sure your parents love you dearly and would only ever want you to be happy. I would have the conversation with them. Explain your feelings... tell them exactly what you've told mumsnet. Be honest. If they're decent parents they'll want to support you.

I recently started working with someone who identifies as non binary... they are also a teen... albeit an older teen... however everyone have accepted them for who they are.

Good luck x

Don’t you know your own Mum and Dad well enough to take a guess at how they will react? What do the opinions of a load of people who may not even be the same age/ nationality/ social,class/ educational level etc etc matter ?

just ask them, dear.

If my child didn't like their name and wanted to change to something gender neutral I think I would try to work with that.
Pronouns and being non binary I would find really difficult because I think it's a sexist regressive move. Also I don't think people are generally binary ( in terms of gender expression / gender feelings) therefore non binary is a concept that doesn't make much sense to me. But I would be keen to talk this through with my child and try to find some common understanding.

Oh dear… you do know that everyone is born either male or female. But that doesn’t mean you have to fit into a certain box eg girl = pink dresses, boy = blue shorts and football?
As for changing your name, the vast majority of kids want to give themselves a different name since time immemorial. It’s called rebelling.
With regards to expecting anyone to use pronouns that are not sex based - which is what pronouns do - that’s called ‘compelled speech’.

So a parent who would not support their daughter having a double mastectomy or their son having their penis removed, both for cosmetic purposes, is considered to be ‘unsupportive’ in your eyes?

What does non binary mean? I literally have no idea.

I have a younger friend that is non-binary and I always happily use whatever name my friend desires.

The pronouns are more complex because it results in so much confusion during discussion. I generally don’t refer to my friend using pronouns while friend is present.

My friend is female and I wonder sometimes if the discomfort with being a woman and how women are treated has brought us all to this point.

I have another friend around the same age who is gay, and dresses in masculine clothing also, but doesn’t use different pronouns. She’s never said she’s non-binary. I never have wondered why, I just understand she’s gay and doesn’t like girly stuff. (Like plenty of women.)

I hope your parents are loving and kind when you explain to them how you are feeling. I also hope you’ll have patience with them, but this is all pretty confusing for many of us.

Yeh... I don't buy this thread for a second.

@enby03030
All the best op, what I don't understand is yes in the mind, you may see yourself as x, but in terms of biology humans are born with what was originally considered by science as a male or female body, so it's like how can you expect other people to use labels that are different than observable reality ?

Basically how is it any different calling a person female when they are male when objective reality and original biological science is that they are male or female ?

Apologies my knowledge is very limited in these matters.

I hope my comments are respectful

hi everyone! there’s been a bit of confusion over the meaning of non-binary so i would like to clarify. i feel like i am in between feminine and masculine in some kind of middle ground which is why i would prefer to use gender neutral (they/them) pronouns. i would also like to reiterate that i dont want surgery at all.

If my daughter announced something like that I guess I'd shrug and go 'that's nice dear' and expect it to pass as the trend subsides,which has already begun.

No one is neither male nor female and even if you cut your hair and call yourself Biff everyone will know you are a girl (or boy).

Everyone's just pretending. No one actually thinks anyone changes sex/gender, even the so-called 'allies'. They're all just playing along.

OP I would not this forum to get the advice you need because as you can see a lot of people here have judgemental, anti-trans views and seem unable to accept people who identify as a non-binary and/or wish to use specific pronouns.

They will just confuse you further by pushing their own agenda.

I would suggest instead talking to a trusted friend or family member about how you feel.

There are also helpline/charities that can reach out to for support on how to talk to your parents about your identity, if you want to share this with them.

@enby03030
I can understand your perspectives, but then by using those labels it's changing the meaning of those words as the dictionary is

they
PRONOUN
used to refer to two or more people or things previously mentioned or easily identified

Ecf

Hi OP,
My youngest child came out as a non-binary teen aged 14, now 17.
They chose a different first name, which school was ok with, and changed their preferred name on the school register so everyone used the preferred name from that point onwards. They chose a school uniform for year 10 and 11, sometimes trousers, sometimes a skirt, the top half was the same at school anyway.
I 100% support my non-binary teen, as do my husband and the two siblings of the teen.
I don't really get the hate! My teen is the same lovely person they've always been.

If my dc said this to me I would call them whatever they wanted me to. But inwardly I would be rolling my eyes and waiting for the phase to pass. I would also be very, very relieved that they weren't considering hormones or surgery.
Name aside though, why would you be happier being referred to as they rather than he? What difference would it actually make to you? I am genuinely interested.

@Hawkins003

But feminine and masculine are invented, societal stereotypes.
She and he are sex based.

Just ignore the stereotypical bollocks and be a female who thinks it is all nonsense.

Wear what you wish, have your hair cut as you wish, pursue whatever career and interests you wish. None of that stops you being female.

thanks for the clarification. However does that mean you are just a tomboy? I don’t get why you need special pronouns. Can you explain what the difference is?

I would say science has the full authority on the matter.
Genetically and biological we are male or female.
The same in nature we dont see dogs born male wanting to be female.
Could it be debated that It's only because we have the capability to have different thoughts that we think oh I want to be a mix of Barbie and Ken ?

So you’re gender non conforming? So be that, proudly, whilst continuing to know your biology will never change.

The concept of non binary is essentially sexist and supports stereotypes. It posits that gender stereotypes are real and must be obeyed, so if you don’t relate to them you have to be non binary or trans.

Like saying: society says girls like pink. I don’t like pink therefore I can’t be a girl. I must be something else. Because society is correct about pink and that cannot be refuted. To obey this system I must be non binary.

I’m a woman
I have birthed children so I have very much been clear to all that I’m female

But I hate pink, I don’t ever wear dresses, I have short hair, I have never had my nails painted or had a facial, I don’t enjoy sewing.

I wear trousers, I like watching football, it’s my job to put the bins out, I don’t wear make up, I don’t shave my legs, my favourite colour is blue and a have a deep voice.

Amongst this I like musical theatre and also play badminton.

Am I feminine, masculine, non binary ?
What decides this?

I don’t feel feminine but I am most certainly female.

Can you see why it feels a bit confusing OP?

And why do you need a new name to go with this identity? Can’t you stick with your current name and just be whoever you feel you are? Do certain behaviours and traits go with certain names?

@enby03030

they
[ðeɪ]
PRONOUN
used to refer to two or more people or things previously mentioned or easily identified:
"the two men could get life sentences if they are convicted" · "interweave the cotton fibres so that they knit together"
people in general:
"the rest, as they say, is history"
INFORMAL
people in authority regarded collectively:
"they cut my water off"
used to refer to a person of unspecified gender:
"ask a friend if they could help

Op, everyone is between masculine and feminine to some degree. We all have strengths and preferences.

You obviously can label how you feel in whatever way makes most sense to you, but it's worth considering why you feel you are not of the binary but you feel other people are - trust me, they're not.