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LGBT children

This board is primarily for parents of LGBTQ+ children to share personal experiences and advice. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful that this is a supportive space.

Original poster

i am nonbinary

137 replies

enby03030 · 11/04/2023 23:28

i am a nonbinary teen and i want to come out to my parents soon to use they/them pronouns. i have identified as nonbinary for almost two years and i have been struggling with body dysphoria and being referred to as my birth name and pronouns. i have no wish for surgery/ hormones/ puberty blockers etc. as i know that i am still young and i might change my mind later on (iirc the brain doesn’t develop fully until you are 25), but i would like my parents to use my chosen name and pronouns. i have been scrolling through mumsnet to see whether the general parental population of the uk supports trans teens and i’ve been shocked to find the amount of anti-trans rhetoric throughout the platform. i genuinely want to know if a parent would support their child throughout the changes i mentioned above.

OP posts:
Original poster
enby03030 · 12/04/2023 00:27

@Hawkins003 ,
on a different platform, i definitely would but after looking through other threads here i feel sure that people would start attempting to use gendered prns for me which wouldn’t be great xx

OP posts:
GoingOnce · 12/04/2023 00:27

Do you need to have an inate sense of your gender? I’m a woman but I’m just me on the inside, I don’t identify as female, I simply am female. I have no idea how other woman feel about being female. That what confuses me about some men saying they’ve always felt female - how do they know what that feels like? Can you just look at it that you are the sex you are and nothing will ever change that. Does it really matter which pronoun people use for you?

I also worry very much for your generation. I think left-wing society has done you great harm but the push to believe in multiple genders and question yourself in this way. It benefits no-one.

Hawkins003 · 12/04/2023 00:29

enby03030 · 12/04/2023 00:27

@Hawkins003 ,
on a different platform, i definitely would but after looking through other threads here i feel sure that people would start attempting to use gendered prns for me which wouldn’t be great xx

Fair points, all the best and positivity as best as possible

TomeTome · 12/04/2023 00:30

My children don’t have rigid expectations of what they can/can’t do based on their sex so I have no idea what constraints they could feel being referred to by English pronouns. If they experienced dysphoria I would understand that to mean they had a MH disorder focused on sex similar to anorexia is MH disorder focused on weight. In no way would I reinforce that thinking.

InWalksBarberalla · 12/04/2023 00:31

Gender is a social construct. Nobody has an inate sense of gender. I understand that identity labels are in fashion now, and as long as you don't go damaging yourself medically, you can identify as whatever you want. Not everyone will be bothered playing along though.

Hawkins003 · 12/04/2023 00:31

GoingOnce · 12/04/2023 00:27

Do you need to have an inate sense of your gender? I’m a woman but I’m just me on the inside, I don’t identify as female, I simply am female. I have no idea how other woman feel about being female. That what confuses me about some men saying they’ve always felt female - how do they know what that feels like? Can you just look at it that you are the sex you are and nothing will ever change that. Does it really matter which pronoun people use for you?

I also worry very much for your generation. I think left-wing society has done you great harm but the push to believe in multiple genders and question yourself in this way. It benefits no-one.

I'm guessing the whole acceptance of multiple genders ect, would be more applicable when humans interact with other civilisations and society's from the galaxies and beyond.

DedicatedFollowerOfFashion84 · 12/04/2023 00:34

enby03030 · 12/04/2023 00:22

there’s a lot of negativity round here and can y’all chill for a sec like my dudes i just want to not want to cry when my parents talk to me and y’all are telling me to just woman my way thru it? like bro u don’t even know my birth gender u could be affirming my transgender mess lmao

Riiiiiiiight, but “non binary” isn’t transgender… it’s something that’s been hijacked which actually invalidates the feelings of people who genuinely are transgender. It’s basically like saying “oh I’m not my birth gender… but I’m definitely not the other gender either, so, um, we need a new word for that…”
You have a right to be treated with love and respect by your parents. You don’t have the right to force them to adhere to your Tumblr born ideology.
So far you’ve said you can’t explain what non binary is… yet you’re so sure that you are something that you can’t even define? Makes zero sense. And that’s why it’s so dangerous to vulnerable young people, particularly those who are neurodivergent. Ditto the rise in fake DID cases.

Original poster
enby03030 · 12/04/2023 00:35

okay so i made this thread bcos i think that users of mumsnet are a similar age etc. to my parents and i wanted to see if they would accept a nonbinary child. overall theres been a few main responses that i’d like to go through.

  1. they fully support and use my preferred name etc. - this is a best case scenario and i’m sending love to the users who would do this for their kid. my experience has been difficult and it would be nice to have my parents acceptance
  2. fake support - honestly this is decent bcos as the child i wouldn’t even know and i would still be happy
  3. discourage me from being nonbinary - not great but at least i wouldn’t have to worry about being outed to my parents
anyways thanks again for the support, no thanks for the hate xx
OP posts:
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 12/04/2023 00:36

enby03030 · 12/04/2023 00:22

there’s a lot of negativity round here and can y’all chill for a sec like my dudes i just want to not want to cry when my parents talk to me and y’all are telling me to just woman my way thru it? like bro u don’t even know my birth gender u could be affirming my transgender mess lmao

Using the words chill and bro shows everybody your not a teenager. So what are you actually wanting to know from people

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 12/04/2023 00:37

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 12/04/2023 00:36

Using the words chill and bro shows everybody your not a teenager. So what are you actually wanting to know from people

Show quote history

Dude not bro

SNWannabe · 12/04/2023 00:37

@enby03030 what is it that makes you feel like you want to cry when you talk to your parents? Would crying be such a bad thing? What are you scared of?
Puberty and the teenage years are really difficult, I know that many people don’t feel right in their own bodies for a number of reasons in this period, and I think modern times we are now attributing that to gendered stuff… when really we should be questioning society and the gendering that’s happening from pre-birth (pink and blue “gender reveal” shit)… and how it limits both sexes and we should all be pushing against THAT but not opting out of our sexes.

Original poster
enby03030 · 12/04/2023 00:38

im literally a teenager like idk how to prove it to u i just started saying bro ironically and now i do it unironically

OP posts:
Hawkins003 · 12/04/2023 00:38

enby03030 · 12/04/2023 00:35

okay so i made this thread bcos i think that users of mumsnet are a similar age etc. to my parents and i wanted to see if they would accept a nonbinary child. overall theres been a few main responses that i’d like to go through.

  1. they fully support and use my preferred name etc. - this is a best case scenario and i’m sending love to the users who would do this for their kid. my experience has been difficult and it would be nice to have my parents acceptance
  2. fake support - honestly this is decent bcos as the child i wouldn’t even know and i would still be happy
  3. discourage me from being nonbinary - not great but at least i wouldn’t have to worry about being outed to my parents
anyways thanks again for the support, no thanks for the hate xx

At the end of the day, be whoever you want to be, and love yourself for who you are, no matter what others think of you.

Yes not all will be impressed with your perspectives, and some may even be completely against your perspectives.

But in the end, it's what you truly want or think about yourself that matters overall

Hawkins003 · 12/04/2023 00:39

enby03030 · 12/04/2023 00:38

im literally a teenager like idk how to prove it to u i just started saying bro ironically and now i do it unironically

Its mumsnet made up of many perspectives that half the time don't trust the other half unless they are similar to what they know etc

Looneytunes2023 · 12/04/2023 00:40

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 12/04/2023 00:36

Using the words chill and bro shows everybody your not a teenager. So what are you actually wanting to know from people

Show quote history

😂😂😂 Well spotted. I've been suspicious of this thread since the beginning.

Original poster
enby03030 · 12/04/2023 00:40

@SNWannabe
i have negative thoughts when my parents use my birth name and gendered pronouns - i usually spiral into thinking that they will never see me for who i am etc

OP posts:
Hawkins003 · 12/04/2023 00:40

Looneytunes2023 · 12/04/2023 00:40

😂😂😂 Well spotted. I've been suspicious of this thread since the beginning.

Show quote history

Intelligence operative running a covert op

Original poster
enby03030 · 12/04/2023 00:42

i think like three people don’t believe that im a teenager and i can’t prove anything bcos this isn’t real life anyways lmk if there’s anything i can do to convince u that i’m not some random guy k

OP posts:
MysteryBelle · 12/04/2023 00:42

The first thing I would advise, as you say you are very young, is to ask yourself what put these particular ideas into your mind, there are reasons you feel this way and I’d fully explore that and see where it leads.

Ask yourself who and what may have had influence on your thinking and when. Ask yourself if completely normal feelings might be interpreted by others as certain things and then communicated to you through those others such as friends, media of some kind, news stories, those in authority and power positions. Question those concepts you’ve internalized to see where exactly they come from. From there you can proceed to explore your independent thinking and ideas and for instance, objectively research and read and listen to lots of varied views including in biology, keeping in mind possible biases, questioning and testing what you read and hear, and then any decisions you make will be more likely to be based on a foundation of knowledge and information.

GuevarasBeret · 12/04/2023 00:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Do you feel suicidal OP?

Original poster
enby03030 · 12/04/2023 00:43

face reveal im actually with the fbi

OP posts:
ReadersD1gest · 12/04/2023 00:44

enby03030 · 11/04/2023 23:56

@Wishitsnows
personally, i feel somewhat other to male/female categories. both cisgender and transgender men or women feel the same innate sense of their gender, but i dont really have that. hope this helps!

You speak of male / female categories as though the entire population was one huge homogeneous mass.
Do you think every male on the planet feels exactly the same way? Or every female (not that you'd have a clue how women feel)?
Declaring you don't "feel like" either is just nonsense.
Nobody feels an innate sense of gender, gender is a totally made up concept.

Hawkins003 · 12/04/2023 00:44

enby03030 · 12/04/2023 00:42

i think like three people don’t believe that im a teenager and i can’t prove anything bcos this isn’t real life anyways lmk if there’s anything i can do to convince u that i’m not some random guy k

Basically it's catch 22, you cannot win either way on proving who you are, sure the technical it people could prob track your ip address, and begin building a identity profile from there,

Original poster
enby03030 · 12/04/2023 00:45

i mean yeah i do feel suicidal sometimes but yknow that’s pretty common (at least among my generation) ig that’s what the world’s problems does for ya

OP posts:
Hawkins003 · 12/04/2023 00:45

enby03030 · 12/04/2023 00:43

face reveal im actually with the fbi

Fair do, I was thinking more the Nsa,