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This board is primarily for parents of LGBTQ+ children to share personal experiences and advice. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful that this is a supportive space.

Original poster

i am nonbinary

137 replies

enby03030 · 11/04/2023 23:28

i am a nonbinary teen and i want to come out to my parents soon to use they/them pronouns. i have identified as nonbinary for almost two years and i have been struggling with body dysphoria and being referred to as my birth name and pronouns. i have no wish for surgery/ hormones/ puberty blockers etc. as i know that i am still young and i might change my mind later on (iirc the brain doesn’t develop fully until you are 25), but i would like my parents to use my chosen name and pronouns. i have been scrolling through mumsnet to see whether the general parental population of the uk supports trans teens and i’ve been shocked to find the amount of anti-trans rhetoric throughout the platform. i genuinely want to know if a parent would support their child throughout the changes i mentioned above.

OP posts:
Original poster
enby03030 · 11/04/2023 23:56

@Wishitsnows
personally, i feel somewhat other to male/female categories. both cisgender and transgender men or women feel the same innate sense of their gender, but i dont really have that. hope this helps!

OP posts:
AmuseBish · 11/04/2023 23:57

i feel like i am in between feminine and masculine in some kind of middle ground

Feminine and masculine don't refer to sex, though. It's about behaviour, personality and characteristics. Do you think these have anything to do with what sex you are, OP?

Sounds like my right-wing grandad "girls are feminine, like this, boys are masculine like this"!

Most of us here have moved on a bit from that!

ditalini · 11/04/2023 23:59

enby03030 · 11/04/2023 23:56

@Wishitsnows
personally, i feel somewhat other to male/female categories. both cisgender and transgender men or women feel the same innate sense of their gender, but i dont really have that. hope this helps!

No, most of us don't feel an innate sense of our gender. We're just people existing within our sexed bodies and living our lives.

Where are you getting this from? It's very sexist, regressive and limiting.

There are no limits to what women and men can do - throw out the stereotypes.

AtrociousCircumstance · 11/04/2023 23:59

Do you understand that gender and gender identity are sexist stereotypes?

And that the concept of non binary supports sexist stereotypes?

Original poster
enby03030 · 11/04/2023 23:59

hi @AmuseBish , sorry for the confusion, i was using masculine and feminine as replacements for other gendered terms ( man and woman are adult, male and female for biological sex, girl and boy seem to young etc.)

OP posts:
Deadringer · 11/04/2023 23:59

I don't think most people really do have an inate sense of gender. A woman knows she is female because she has a female body and is perceived as female. It's not a feeling. Obviously I can't speak for all women, but that's how any I know feel.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/04/2023 23:59

i have been scrolling through mumsnet to see whether the general parental population of the uk supports trans teens and i’ve been shocked to find the amount of anti-trans rhetoric throughout the platform.

You say anti-trans, I say pro-women.

dementedpixie · 11/04/2023 23:59

I have no innate sense of gender and reject being called cis

I was born female so that's what I am regardless of what I dress like or my likes and dislikes

AmuseBish · 12/04/2023 00:04

I honestly don't mean this in a critical way, op, because clearly a lot of people get muddled in this way - but you are confusing sex ie male/female with stereotypes eg masculine/ feminine.

They get so tightly bound together nowadays it can sometimes be hard to realise that you can be, for example, "female, with any kind of personality", or "possessing various characteristics deemed (usually inconsistently) as 'masculine', with any kind of body".

One need have no effect on the other.

Indeed, trans people usually advocate the idea that sex and gender are entirely separate.

DedicatedFollowerOfFashion84 · 12/04/2023 00:04

enby03030 · 11/04/2023 23:48

hi everyone! there’s been a bit of confusion over the meaning of non-binary so i would like to clarify. i feel like i am in between feminine and masculine in some kind of middle ground which is why i would prefer to use gender neutral (they/them) pronouns. i would also like to reiterate that i dont want surgery at all.

I’m curious as to what the middle ground between feminine and masculine is? What are you using to define what a male or female is? Surely you can’t know how it feels to be biologically male, so in a way you’re making assumptions based on what society expects “boys” or “men” to be into? Lots of teens feel immense discomfort in their own bodies, particularly going through the the changes that puberty brings. I guess, as an adult, I don’t really understand what aspect of being female that you don’t identify with to the extent that you identify as “non binary”?

Xiaoxiong · 12/04/2023 00:04

What does "masculine" or "feminine" mean to you? Can you give me some examples of how you might describe "feeling masculine" or "feeling feminine"?

TheShellBeach · 12/04/2023 00:04

How do you define non-binary, OP?
Are you male or female?

Wishitsnows · 12/04/2023 00:04

Thanks for the clarification, but who isn’t middle ground? You can’t change sex so do you think you maybe overthinking things?

enby03030 · 12/04/2023 00:05

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TheShellBeach · 12/04/2023 00:05

enby03030 · 11/04/2023 23:56

@Wishitsnows
personally, i feel somewhat other to male/female categories. both cisgender and transgender men or women feel the same innate sense of their gender, but i dont really have that. hope this helps!

It doesn't help me because there's no such thing as "cisgender".
Hope this helps.

SorryAuntLydia · 12/04/2023 00:05

@enby03030 I’m sure your parents love you. Please just enjoy growing up and don’t worry so much about your gender.

I don’t have any gender either. I don’t identify as masculine or feminine.

I’m a woman. I was born a girl. I grew up to become a woman. I didn’t choose this. I don’t identify as this. I don’t follow any particular rules that make me more or less of a woman. I don’t care what pronouns you use for me. I don’t even care if you want to call me cis - although I will probably correct you if you say it to my face.
Lots of people feel this way. We’re just too busy living our lives to worry about it.

SD1978 · 12/04/2023 00:05

Uhuh. You've just happened to stumble onto Mumsnet, and want to be affirmed by strangers here, using all the appropriate rhetoric on your part, and not on a more age appropriate gender affirming website.....,sure you have. I'm sure your hairy hands will be fine having the non existent conversation with your non existent parents.......good luck.

Melroses · 12/04/2023 00:06

I think you will find the vast majority of people do not have an 'innate sense of their gender'. It is entirely, boringly normal.

AmuseBish · 12/04/2023 00:06

enby03030 · 11/04/2023 23:59

hi @AmuseBish , sorry for the confusion, i was using masculine and feminine as replacements for other gendered terms ( man and woman are adult, male and female for biological sex, girl and boy seem to young etc.)

Sorry, not really sure what you actually mean then? Do you think there is something inherently "feminine" about being female? (As my grandad loves to proclaim!) The two aren't interchangeable.

Hawkins003 · 12/04/2023 00:07

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"remember, if your child comes out to you as trans/nonbinary, calling them by their preferred name and pronouns is suicide prevention"

How did you come to that conclusion and what's your research to support that conclusion ?

ditalini · 12/04/2023 00:07

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Suicidal ideation is very, very serious.

If you are feeling like you want to harm yourself then it is a medical emergency. Please seek help.

AmuseBish · 12/04/2023 00:07

tbh, i can’t explain how nonbinary genders work.

Well done for being honest, at least. Go well x

bigbabycooker · 12/04/2023 00:08

Yes, I am female but only because my body is.

I'm not "cis", because that suggests some kind of bit in to regressive stereotypes around femininity. I can be feminine, but I really dislike most performed femininity and am happiest in sports clothes. When I was a young woman, I dealt with body hatred and feeling like I didn't fit as a girl through an eating disorder. I regret those years and I hope my own daughter can grow to understand that there's no shame in whatever version of female she wants to be. If my DD felt non binary was important to her, I'd humour her a bit about the non binary stuff and of course I'd love her whatever, but I don't believe in non binary really myself and think it is sexist.

GromblesofGrimbledon · 12/04/2023 00:08

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I'll say it again...

Not buying any of this thread in the slightest 🙄

Original poster
enby03030 · 12/04/2023 00:09

yo thx to the people who want to know if im female or male but im not gna tell u bcos you’ll inevitably end up misgendering me (also shoutout to that one dude who tried to expose me? as a thirty y/o dude? with hairy hands? okay then)

OP posts:
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