Read this if your child is questioning their gender

[jakeosaure]

Hey, my name is Jake, I'm a 17 year old trans guy from England. This thread is for the the parents/ family/ friends of someone who has come out as trans as well as for people who just want a better understanding on the topic.

Feel free to leave any questions you have about being transgender, transitioning or anything else you want or need to know. You can also use this as a place to vent about your child's transition, but please be don't try to use it as an excuse to be transphobic.

I haven't come out to my family or college yet so I haven't begun transitioning but I do know quite a bit about different surgeries and HRT options, as well as binding, packing and tucking, so I should be able to answer most questions or at the very least link you to a video which answers it.

Trans peeps, feel free to comment your experiences :)

Please can everyone be kind and respectful, don't spread misinformation or claim that all trans people are pedos or predators (I hear it so much, it's incredibly annoying and inaccurate).

Anyways, ask away ❤

Ok thanks for answering my question, if I can follow up. You said you haven't come 'out' to your family etc. Have you come 'out' to your family as liking girls? I am wondering what came first, thinking you were a guy or realising that you liked girls/bi? Or maybe its more complicated?

Is it harder to come out to your family regards being trans or regards your preference for girls?

I'm glad people are trying to come up with conspiracy theories about this thread.
I genuinely am a 17 year trans guy. No I don't want to turn your kids trans, that would have absolutely no benefit to me whatsoever. I merely wanted to spread information, not have a debate about whether or not trans people exist.
I just happen to live in an environment where being different is wrong and can get you killed, I merely wanted to try and help parents who may not know how to handle their child's transition. Obviously not every person is trans, but some people are and I don't think it should be so demonised cause it's really scary to feel trapped in your body and like you're a stranger to your own skin.
If you don’t like me because I'm trans that's fine, I really couldn't care less. But if you have a bad opinion on the subject then why are you even here? I get that in most of your eyes I'm just a dumb child (or apparently a dangerous individual intent on forcing the "trans agenda" onto this site) but I did genuially want to do some good. Parents seem to struggle a lot, it's understandable seen as they pretty much have to wear a smile and pretend everything is fine, while stressing about whether what they're doing is right and feeling like they've lost their child. On this site if you post asking for support with your child wanting to transition, most people get a lot of comments saying how being trans isn't real and how you shouldn't fall for the trans trend which seems so crazy to me.
That's like telling someone with depression that their mental disorder is just a trend or telling someone with anxiety to juse stop being anxious. That's just not how it works. If I could just magically stop having dysphoria I would. That would be great, I hate how I feel. It's held me back so much in my life, if you don't know what dysphoria is like to live with then that's great cause I wouldn't wish this shit on anyone.
So, please, at least try to be nice when you comment something or just go, I really don't see a point in you being here if aren't willing to actually try and learn anything.
To all the people who were being nice, thank you I hope I helped in someway, sorry it didn't end up being the safe space it was intended to be. If you want to ask me anything else just message me, I don't know if I'll go on this thread again cause it's lowkey making me want to jump off a cliff which obviously wasn't it's intended function but here we are I guess.

@ZombieFan I've never talked to them about my sexuality but at some point they stopped saying "when you meet the right guy" and started saying "whoever you end up with" so I don't think they really care who I date. I'm bi but I don't really care about my sexuality so I never felt like I needed to come out to them.
For me personally I feel like it would be harder to come out as trans than bi or gay cause at least my parents understand sexuality. I don't think my parents really understand transgender people, so I'd have to explain dysphoria and why I'm not confused etc.

I think for some families it's definitely the opposite where they're more likely to accept their kid as trans than gay or bi.

@biglittlemedium I was never bullied, I don't think I have autism and although I have been through traumatic stuff it never really had an impact on me knowing I was trans. I used to talk my boyfriend at the time out of suicide at least once a month (usually more) for half a year which kinda messed me up a lot emotionally and I have nightmares about it sometimes. It didn't really impact how I felt towards my gender though, if anything it took my mind off if. I had dysphoria before it happened and it was still there after so there wasn't any real change.

Sorry you had such a hard time on here @jakeosaure, some posters can be so nasty. I am guessing you are not in the UK if you are at risk of being killed, so hope everything works out for you,

I haven't spent any time on the LGBT boards here so I'm really disappointed that such a usually great support network (in my experience) can actually be quite nasty and unkind.

If you were my son, I'd be really proud of the way you've handled yourself this evening. You've kept your head and answered all our questions. Thank you for that.

You have a lot of decisions ahead of you. I hope that you don't rush into anything. A year or two right now is nothing at all. Think carefully about what @SciFiScream has said. There's alot there to heed. Come back some time and tell us how you're getting on.

Hey @jakeosaure are you nearly 17 or actually 17?

You’re easy to find irl, so you might want to change that if you value privacy, or it might not matter to you. Just be safe.

I’ve read around your other SM posts. You seem to be in a hard place at the moment, so while you may be posting from a good place to offer help, this thread may not help you.

However there are lots of parents on here who have GNC children, or transitioned / questioning children so maybe they’ll have some advice for you.

I’m really happy you’re not looking at irreversible treatments atm, take all the time you need to think and grow and make the best decision for you.

I just happen to live in an environment where being different is wrong and can get you killed where do you live? Brazil? Oh no, you say England...where, on average, only one trans person is killed per year, which indicates that a trans person is less likely to be murdered than anyone else. As for all your posts talking about suicide, you are just trying to get screenshots aren’t you?

Hi Jake - sorry you are being given a hard time on here - I have also know you're genuine from your other SM sites.

I am interested in F-M trans because I am married to a woman who is - what we used to call in the old days - butch. It's possible if transitioning was a 'thing' when she was young she might have done so but now she's older she's glad it was never an option.

I worry that women like her are going to cease to exist in the younger generation as many are transitioning into being men - and that would be a tragedy.
I worry about young people like you doing something when you are young that is difficult to reverse and which you might live to regret.

Do you ever feel that the teenage years are too young to make such huge decisions about individuals' bodies and it might be worth just waiting until they are a little older just to be sure this is absolutely the right thing for them?

Is there no way you feel you can embrace the gorgeousness of identifying as a more masculine woman without having to turn yourself into a man.
I like men but they can be a bit one dimensional and the complexity of more masculine (butch) women is so much more compelling in my view.

Testosterone has so much to answer for - I have sons I remember what testosterone did to them during puberty - I know hormones affect girls too during puberty but testosterone is so powerful. I've just seen a once sweet friend of my son's transition and he is now difficult and argumentative - we barely recognise him. Not suggesting you are like that but I'm just not a fan anymore.

That's it really - I guess what I'm asking is/was transitioning your absolute only way forward? Sorry for ridiculously long post.

Hi all. Just dropping by to let you know that it looks like the OP has left the site and won't be back to answer further questions.

Do you know what a gender critical therapist is?

@MichaelMumsnet

Hi all. Just dropping by to let you know that it looks like the OP has left the site and won't be back to answer further questions.

Colour me shocked

If I try to picture a future where I'm a woman it's like hearing white noise, it feels so wrong and uncomfortable to me.

^^what do you picture? What do you think will change if you transition? Have you got a back up plan if it doesn't alleviate your disphoria

Yeah being a woman sucks.
Most women recognise this especially more so in our internet porn soaked world

^^ I really can't blame young women for feeling this way. I'd like to opt out

[quote JustHavinABreak]@Soontobe60

Was that really necessary? It was supposed to be a Q & A session. It's unbelievable that the 17 year old seems to be able to behave civilly and yet other posters get really goady.[/quote]
No, I absolutely was not being goady. From a safeguarding point of view, adults becoming involved with children on an internet forum is a big no no.
@jakeosaure it is a safeguarding issue because adults are engaging with a child online. You've already given out a great deal of info and pointed out your mental health issues, whether you believe it or not, you are vulnerable.
I wish you well, and hope you find happiness.

@MilleniumHallsWalledGarden

Some of us parents would actually really benefit from this

You should not be seeking to benefit from a child

Absolutely

Having looked up Jake's YouTube I'd say this is a young person who would not benefit at all from posting 'informative' threads for adults on mumsnet. Probably for the best that they deregged.

[quote JustHavinABreak]@MilleniumHallsWalledGarden Don't be so completely ridiculous. This "child" is 17 years old. Speaking to any person about the human condition and their experience of it, is beneficial to all mankind. How on earth would we learn and understand?[/quote]
No, this child is claiming to be 16 on another post, where they have posted video links that have very misleading and at times inaccurate information in them regarding transitioning. Including one that claims that the suicide rate is 58% of children that say their parents have rejected them being trans. That's scaremongering at its worst.

My surgeries that I wanted weren't related to gender dysphoria. Just hatred of body parts.

I didn't have much "agency" I suppose. My Dad, when younger, was a very dominating character.

My body hatred was influenced by the media definitely.

I waited it out. I was always busy at Uni and with 3 jobs. I spent time in the military.

I realised men would find me attractive as I was/am.

I discovered sex!! Now that was really fun, that helped me learn to love my body. That and being fit.

I'm also not gay, never thought I was.
I grew up in a really scary environment
but I have a preference towards girls so I'd rather date a women

So you have parents who don't/wouldn't accept you as being gay, and as you ARE gay, you think it is will be better to transition into a "man" in order for it to be acceptable for you to love a woman?

Got it.

Sorry op, your preference for women isn't because you are a bi "man" it's because you are a gay woman.

I hope you realize that one day, before you change your body.

you think it is/will be*

I must say I am really disappointed but not surprised by the lack of empathy shown by some posters. I am the mother of a (younger) child who has told me she is trans. I am gender critical, and have said I will not support her to either socially or medically transition. But she is genuinely confused and in distress and just telling her to learn to love her body, get some fresh air and watch detransitioning videos is really not going to cut it. I'm sure she will eventually come out the other side as a woman, but in the meantime it is ruining her early teenage years. There are so few options for support other than organisations and individuals that support transition. Most others (like many posters on here) just seem to trivialise it and imply its a trendy, attention-seeking fad. The politics are real and important, but we also need to seperate them out from young people going through real psychological distress and needing support, and look at how we can support them without affirming their wish to transition.

Is there no way you feel you can embrace the gorgeousness of identifying as a more masculine woman without having to turn yourself into a man.

This is what I was getting at with my post asking Jake about the meaning of gender and what it means to internalise gender. What is wrong with being a butch or masculine woman? Why do young people now feel they have to fit into a gender box, and alter their bodies to match, instead of just being themselves?

I don't think this is the fault of young people like Jake. They are just absorbing what they see around them. It's coming from social media and trans lobby groups like Stonewall as well as so-called responsible organisations like the BBC. And it's been getting into schools as well with their trans toolkits (which are now being withdrawn one by one).

But when children are taught that everyone has a gender identity, many of them will believe this and think they ought to have one, and this confusion is the result. Gender isn't real and nobody should be making permanent changes to their body because of it, especially children.

Are you really surprised? You must know that MN is regularly overtaken by MRA seeking screenshots of “transphobia”. The language of the OP suggests that this was another of those. (Suicide rates/murder rates etc)