Read this if your child is questioning their gender

[jakeosaure]

Hey, my name is Jake, I'm a 17 year old trans guy from England. This thread is for the the parents/ family/ friends of someone who has come out as trans as well as for people who just want a better understanding on the topic.

Feel free to leave any questions you have about being transgender, transitioning or anything else you want or need to know. You can also use this as a place to vent about your child's transition, but please be don't try to use it as an excuse to be transphobic.

I haven't come out to my family or college yet so I haven't begun transitioning but I do know quite a bit about different surgeries and HRT options, as well as binding, packing and tucking, so I should be able to answer most questions or at the very least link you to a video which answers it.

Trans peeps, feel free to comment your experiences :)

Please can everyone be kind and respectful, don't spread misinformation or claim that all trans people are pedos or predators (I hear it so much, it's incredibly annoying and inaccurate).

Anyways, ask away ❤

Voice0fReason Yeah, I used to stay up til 3am watching detransitioning videos by people who discovered they were wrong later in life. It scares me a lot. No one wants to be the one who gets it wrong. All I can really trust is how I've felt my whole life and make small changes (like changing my name and pronouns, training my voice to go lower and wearing clothes that hide my feminine features). I don't want to throw myself straight onto hormones and surgery, that would be incredibly stupid and reckless. My aim is just to start seeing a gender therapist so I can talk about how I feel and see if they give me the go ahead to start medically transitioning. If I realise I was wrong down the road, that will be okay. At least I would've explored this option so I don't have regrets when I'm older.

@MilleniumHallsWalledGarden Don't be so completely ridiculous. This "child" is 17 years old. Speaking to any person about the human condition and their experience of it, is beneficial to all mankind. How on earth would we learn and understand?

My aim is just to start seeing a gender therapist so I can talk about how I feel and see if they give me the go ahead to start medically transitioning.
Are you going to look for a gender critical therapist? Because most therapists won't consider any treatment other than transitioning.

drspouse I plan on doing gender therapy in the future, I'm not going to go straight onto hormones or surgery cause that probably wouldn't be smart.

GlitterToast I was 16

@jakeosaure Do you think that if your everyday life was more male-centric that you would feel less drawn towards the more permanent transitions of hormone therapy or surgery? By that I mean that if your Mum accepted you as a man and used the correct male pronouns. If you were binding and packing. If she were to use your male name. If you could have the life of a man for a time, would it allow you some breathing space before taking the next step?

Please watch the YouTube videos of others like you who thought transitioning would help, realised it didn't and now want to reverse the damage they've done to their bodies.

When I was your age there were 2 surgeries I begged my Dad for. Begged because I hated my body too.

He refused. He was right. I no longer care about those surgeries.

Hating your body is a teenage rite of passage. Give yourself time to come through it.

God I would have hated someone saying that to me at your age...but now I have the wisdom of experience.

Oh and I used to have a list of ways to end my life. So I grok that too.

What did you do @SciFiScream? I mean did you just wait it out? God that sounds so patronising to both you and the OP and I'm sorry. That's not my intention. I just mean did you make ANY changes that you still live with

When you say you are not gay do you mean you are attracted to women?

JustHavinABreak For a while maybe, it would certainly be a good start. That's pretty much what happens when someone socially transitions, most gender clinics require you to live as the gender you identify for around a year or two before you can start medically transitioning (I don't know it's still a requirement though cause people were talking about scrapping it. Also most the gender clinics have a 2 year waiting list so most people just do it while they're waiting to be seen by a doctor)
I really want to be able to do it, I've heard it is genuinely really helpful :)

I'm also not gay, never thought I was

I have something I dont understand. If you are not gay (as a biological female) does that mean you fancy men? Does that mean you would be happy to have a relationship with a transman (biological female)? Or does any of that change when you medically transition?

SciFiScream Trust me, I've watched so many detranstioning videos that I've had nightmares about taking testorone and hating it. That's why I intend to talk to a gender therapist so I can explain how I feel without being pushed into transitioning. I know that I really want to medically transition but videos from people who did get it wrong (as well as lots of the trans youtubers I watch who heavily discourage transitioning unless they have a gender dysphoria diagnosis) have made me think rationally about it.
Also most of the times I've contemplated suicide were because I feel trapped a lot of the time, sometimes I think dying would be easier than transitioning (It's obviously not the only reason I've wanted to die but it is a big factor on why I'd want to)

@ZombieFan sexuality is the same for trans people as it is for people who aren't trans. If a trans guy likes girls, he's straight, if he likes guys, he's gay. If a trans girl likes guys then she's straight and if she likes girls she's gay.
I'd be down to date a trans guy cause I'm bi so I like guys and girls, but I have a preference towards girls so I'd rather date a women.

Well that's strange all these new 'transwomen' seem to be mainly 'lesbians' . Weirdly.

jakeosaure
You have said that your 'gender' doesn't match your sex. Can you explain what you mean by your 'gender'? I understand gender to be the set of social and cultural expectations which are imposed on us because of our sex, but you seem to be using it with a different meaning, since you appear to have internalised it.

This is a genuine question, because I don't understand this concept of internalising a gender. I think we would all be better off if gender ceased to exist at all, so I find the idea of someone making radical changes to their body because of it to be quite worrying.

You are very young (sorry if that sounds patronising), so I agree with others who have said you should wait a few years before considering making any changes to your body. How you feel at 25 or 30 might be quite different from how you feel now.

ffs, this is getting ridiculous. Wear what you want, call yourself what you want, but stop taking medication that will cause you problems when you are older.

And stay off the internet. Go outside, take some exercise, start to love yourself as you are.

sexuality is the same for trans people as it is for people who aren't trans

It's not though, is it? You can't change your sex so a "lesbian" transwoman is really a straight, biological man.

Womanhood isn't just a feeling in a man's head. I am sick of hearing this.

I've never heard a straight answer to the question of how someone knows that 'living' as the opposite sex (whatever that means) is the answer when they've never had a single moments experience of what it's like to actually be that sex. It's nonsensical whereas biology is real.

If hair makes you suicidal then you need robust mental health support with your best interests at the centre, not someone tripping over themselves to affirm what isn't real.

@mortforya this is legit, though I'm starting to regret it.

Does autism run in your family?

Why don’t you feel you can just expand the bandwidth of what it means to be a woman?

Were you bullied when younger?

Did you experience any trauma other than bullying in your childhood?