Advice for dealing with schools re trans child

[IamMrsElf]

My Trans DD is due to start school in September. I was wondering if anyone else has enrolled a trans child or has a trans child at school, what are your experiences and advice?

I'm just not sure what to expect or how to deal with it all.

I do have a child at the school currently, so I know the teachers and the school. Some of the staff are aware and so far my interactions with them have been positive.

I feel apprehensive for my DD and just want some thoughts and advice from those that have been there.

Well said, Stephanie DA. This is a really important issue.

OP, please, please listen to all the advice on here, and let your small child be a small child.

stephanie do you have a link to the proposal that schools invite outside agencies to teach about gender?

That's going to cause a bit of confusion when they do biology and sex ed!

frank I have said upthread, albeit in a somewhat flippant manner, that I believe the OP wants to be different. I believe this trans stuff is all bang on trend. I also think some people look for and need drama in their lives.
The OP could choose to handle this extremely common behaviour of her son very differently to the way she is choosing. She is seeking drama and seeking problems.

Its quite a common situation looking at other posters experiences. My toddler plays with her brothers toys but i just let her get on with it. There are such thing as tom boys ( my friend was and now shes girly girl) and girly boys.

The issue with labelling is it can have a profound effect on them throughout their live. Your DS isn't equipped to deal with that due to his lack of understanding on the issue. It could be possible he is transgender, he could also be gay. That's a decison hes got to come to on his own when he is unable to understand. My gayfriend said looking back at his childhood he knew he was gay he preferred girl activities and had female friends. He had his first gay sexual experience aged 15. This was on his own terms. It isn't what they are its who they are. Don't put too much energy on the situation. He will find his feet on his own when hes old enough and ready.

There are such thing as tom boys ( my friend was and now shes girly girl) and girly boys

No, there aren't. There are children who like doing/playing with stuff that adults decide are "for girls" and "for boys". Adults then decide to label a girl who likes football and trousers a "tomboy", or a boy who plays with dolls a "girly boy". They are just boys and girls.

Even using those terms you are labelling children using gender stereotypes. Is labelling a child a tomboy any better than labelling them trans? Its a fine line, both terms mean "a physical girl who prefers stereotypical boys activities", and identifies them as something other than a girl, purely based on their likes according to gender stereotypes.

Stop defining children by whether their likes and dislikes fit one gender or the other, and we may have fewer people in the o/p's situation.

My son loves to prance around in his big sisters net skirt.
That's because he likes the material, he's not a big fan of trousers, and it winds his sister up.
That's normal child behaviour. Not him wanting to be a girl.

I was it to describe my friends phrase. She often referred to herself as her tomboy phrase

I used to describe myself as a tomboy. It worked for me. I still sometimes describe myself as a tomboy (don't wear make up, hate getting dressed up, not keen on shopping, would rather climb a tree). I've never felt like I wanted to be a boy though!

Excately devilish! It was a word i use to describe a phrase in a friends life. She girlies about it now. She calls her self a girlie girl now but i dot think thats offensive.

Just noticed Gendered Intelligence mentioned upthread and I think they're being misrepresented. I know them and their stance is that there are many ways to be a girl and many ways to be a boy, absolutely fine for boys to wear dresses / play with dolls etc.
If a child has a longterm desire to have different name / pronouns they would support them and the school but it's definitely not about persuading kids to be trans when they're not!!

I'm worried for this poor child. Seriously harmful parenting.

My 7yr old loves my little ponies and starwars he has been known to dress up as a princess with his sister and also darf vader so wtf does that make him? My daughter plays football wears boys adventure time clothes as they don't make any girls ones and she loves the programme. They are just being children it's what they do.

It makes him a child, like millions of others, fastingmum. However, op drip fed the fairly significant fact that I did want a girl. I considered adopting...
And now she thinks she's got one. The fact that he's a boy appears to be no barrier whatsoever to the fact that he's now her (4 year old!) daughter.

I don't understand why my comments were deleted?

actually this thread has just made me panic slightly, how op know what school her ds is going into already? i only did my own ds's app yesterday

It's all so arbitrary. In the US 'soccer' is a girl's sport.

In the UK girls have traditionally played hockey and lacrosse, which on the face of it are far more aggressive than football.

Mumsnet is a terrible, terrible place for discussion of trans issues, OP. Find an organisation which focuses on trans issues and get support and help from them. This is not the place, as this thread has no doubt made very clear to you.

I wish you and your family all the best.

I should perhaps mention that we've always wanted a dog and were thinking of adopting one before DS decided he would transition to being a dog. All in all, its turned out to be a great situation for all of us and we wouldn't dream of calling this a 'phase' that he's going through as that would contravene his right to 'be himself' and express himself as a dog.

alltouchedout, I would be interested in a logical argument to explain why anything any poster has said is wrong?

True merrymouse. It is quite arbitrary. Men in the 18th century wore make up and wigs, all children under 5 used to wear dresses ( cute picture of a Victorian ancestor of mine with long hair and a dress, if the name wasn't on the back of the photo you would assume it was a girl through modern eyes). Pink was a boys colour. Being flat chested or binding breasts has been fashionable at several point in fashion history.

Hi OP, you cannot make the decision for them, that decision to identify as trans can only be made by the person themselves.

As your child is so young then leave them to explore identity & as you are doing now, let them play/dress/be who they want. They can then choose themselves when they are older.

The choice is not yours & as you know there are grey areas between Boy & Girl & it may turn out that your child identifies as neither.

However this is not a decision that can be made by you or your husband, no matter how well meaning.

I wish you all well :)

frank I have said upthread, albeit in a somewhat flippant manner, that I believe the OP wants to be different. I believe this trans stuff is all bang on trend. I also think some people look for and need drama in their lives.
The OP could choose to handle this extremely common behaviour of her son very differently to the way she is choosing. She is seeking drama and seeking problems.

^^this

Ffs listen OP

Nothing said on here is 'wrong'

If we believe that we are right then surely by trans logic then we ARE right.

Toddler logic...

1. Playing with dollies is fun!
2. But mummy says only girls play with dollies...
3. I must be a girl!

This thread is heartbreaking.