Advice for dealing with schools re trans child

[IamMrsElf]

My Trans DD is due to start school in September. I was wondering if anyone else has enrolled a trans child or has a trans child at school, what are your experiences and advice?

I'm just not sure what to expect or how to deal with it all.

I do have a child at the school currently, so I know the teachers and the school. Some of the staff are aware and so far my interactions with them have been positive.

I feel apprehensive for my DD and just want some thoughts and advice from those that have been there.

Can't we accept gender something fluid without physically trying to change sex. Eddie izzard, David bowie, the lovely but very butch caretaker at the school I work in, without haven't to resort to saying someone is a different sex. Cant someone be the person they want to be without setting off on a path that can lead to hormone treatment, mutilating surgery and infertility. Hope I have got the terminology right gender is a tricky word these days.

If the OP s dd is anything like my dd at 3, she will like football kit, toy cars and playing tag rugby.

No frank, she might not be, you sound like a sensible parent who has let her daughter choose her own interests without changing her sex. By the time she is your daughter's age she might be going down a one way path to hormone treatment and surgery.

To be truthful I find threads like the OP really worrying. This obsession with trans completely ignores those girls and boys that want to do things traditionally aligned with the opposite sex. By trans standards, my lovely happy well balanced tomboy daughter would be facing a lifetime of treatment counselling and surgery, rather than enjoying her years wearing football kit and jeans until she's ready to move on. It's almost as if people WANT counselling and treatment for their child like a type of Munchhausans.

Well yes munchhausens is all about attention seeking parent and unfortunately this situation does seem similar. letting your son play with dolls doesn't create the dramatic impact that telling everyone he is now a she and has 'transitioned' does.

I agree FrankMonkey it is very attention seeking.

I do hope along with the tears, the OP has taken on board what people on here are saying - in real life, friends and family knowing her great need for a female child, might fear upsetting her by telling her that this approach is bonkers and liking toys and clothing traditionally aimed at the opposite sex is not a sign your child is the wrong sex. (particularly if they know that she previously tried to stop her boys playing with 'girl toys' because she was saving them for the much wanted girl)

OP - if you are still reading, make it clear to all 3 of your boys that there's no such thing as girl toys/activities/clothing colours and boy versions, they can play with or do whatever activity/sport they like. Until they have hit puberty and need differently shaped clothes, all childrens clothes would be fine for either sex.

If you see your boy dressed in pink sparkles playing with a doll as him "being a girl" then it's you that needs to change, not your boy into a girl (or your boy into 'boyish behaviour').

I would put good money on the fact if the OP did get her much wanted girl baby and that DD started showing an interest in her older brothers trains/football/superheroes etc, the OP wouldn't announce that actually she did have 3 boys after all, but that her DD was "a bit of a tomboy", that or force said DD into all things pink

The OP said she had visited the GP. I really hope the GP has contacted the HV to voice concerns about what is going on within the family.

I'd go further than bigbuttons and hope that the GP has contacted social services.

I think it's that the OP has issues not the Ds and she may be putting the child at risk with her extreme ideas

The fuck HQ? You deleted vixx comments why? She was stating that this was very poor parenting and she suggested it is abusive. I agree that it is definitely in the ball park of emotional abuse. Why delete?

I agree Obs

If vixx's comments were deleted, I'm guessing mine will be too.

Me too. ^^

I agree. Fucking sinister that her posts have been deleted. It is a very worrying thing that the OP is suggesting.

I'm one of the posters who work with trans people and agreed it's best to give the child time to explore their gender identity before making any big decisions. But I just wanted to remind other posters that
a) This isn't trans theory or led by trans people, this is one parent making a decision for their child
b) Trans people (inc children) have always been here. Yes, the media suddenly thinks it's interesting and some trans people have been given the confidence to come out because of that, but they were always there! Just not really listened to.

I agree with everyone that the op's approach is very wrong but I have some sympathy with her given the frankly absurd way the media covers trans children stories at the moment. She is a parent wanting to do her best for her much loved child ; we are hearing story after story where the narrative they are giving us (even though the reality is probably far more complicated) is 'I knew my child was really a girl because he started asking for dolls.' No wonder if some naive parents are going to take that at face value.

Oh dear, I feel for everyone on this, the poor parents who think they are doing the right thing and the poor, poor toddler.

I don't believe any child can be or should be encouraged to be trans.

I feel sorry for boys born into households where they can't play with dolls without involving GPS, teachers and other family members. Just let them get on with it! And ditto girls. How lovely for girls to spend years in trackies, kicking a ball about covered in mud, totally secure in the world and able to go on to be a mother to more strong women in the future.

Vashta do you think it is possible for a 3 year old to know that they are transgender? I have a 3.5 yr old and they don't have a real understanding of sex and gender constructs, and I can't see how anyone could think a 3 year old could.

Even if the child turns out to be definitely transgender, surely the best response now is what many people have suggested, which is to explain to the school that currently the child is exploring what gender roles mean and wants to be referred to by a different name and as the opposite sex. Other than that, in a Reception class there doesn't need to be any differences between how children are treated.

which is to explain to the school that currently the child is exploring what gender roles mean and wants to be referred to by a different name and as the opposite sex. Other than that, in a Reception class there doesn't need to be any differences between how children are treated.

Yes this seems perfectly reasonable although I would add please start calling him 'he'

the frankly absurd way the media covers trans children stories at the moment Yes yes yes! Many trans people would agree with that, it's not like that in reality.
Vashta do you think it is possible for a 3 year old to know that they are transgender? Probably not, although interestingly adult trans people say they 'knew' at a younger age to adult LGB people. I suppose a 3yo may be able to say they feel happier with a different name, or want to line up with the boys rather than the girls, but I don't think they can make a decision on their life-long gender identity.
Best practice in primary schools is to not divide by gender anyway, so a good school will be fine for a child who identifies slightly differently to their peers without making too big a deal of it.

I have reported my post and asked mnhq to look at the deleted posts and reconsider.

This is such a worrying thing to see a mother post. I can't stop thinking about it, it has made me sick to my stomach. I honestly think the best thing would be some professional intervention.
I understand that you are desperate for a daughter but please please don't damage your hold like this!

Child not hold