Advice for dealing with schools re trans child

[IamMrsElf]

My Trans DD is due to start school in September. I was wondering if anyone else has enrolled a trans child or has a trans child at school, what are your experiences and advice?

I'm just not sure what to expect or how to deal with it all.

I do have a child at the school currently, so I know the teachers and the school. Some of the staff are aware and so far my interactions with them have been positive.

I feel apprehensive for my DD and just want some thoughts and advice from those that have been there.

So so very wrong to be labeling this child as trans. What does he even know at this age? Sorry but really don't steer him into any labels, he might be going through a phase and only later on can you really know.

I'm sorry but you won't be able to get advice from others who have been through it as children do not label themselves so early so mist people assume their child is going through a phase at this age. Give it 10 years and you may be able to get advice from people with similar experiences.

Gosh OP I don't think you'll find other prior to share experiences with you as I really doubt there are any other transgender 3 year olds

OP
You are a longterm poster and have posted many times about your desperation for a girl, the differences between raising boys and girls, and you also expressed your fleeting disappointment at your son's birth when you realised he was a boy, not a girl.
At one point you asked advice about adopting to fill the "girl shaped hole in your heart".

Within the last 12 months you wrote about the desire to adopt a girl:
"i know all relationships take work and that I will have to be patient and understanding and not project all of my preconceived ideas about a daughter onto a child that has already been through a lot in their tiny life."

A great many of your posts have referenced this desire.

It is normally bad form I think to remind a poster of her previous posting history. I think for the sake of your child this is an exceptional case.

The welfare of your child is at stake here and you are asking us for advice.

Given how strongly you have expressed on Mumsnet that you wanted a girl, the lengths you were prepared to go to get one, including adoption, and how at this astonishingly young age you claim your boy has 'transitioned' I am begging you to consider that this is far more about your desires than about his.

Go back and read your own posts over the last few years and then see if you can be certain that this is not the result of your influence. You run a big risk of damaging your own child if you steer him in this direction.

Please reconsider.

You will not get any other parents coming onto this thread to share stories of their 3 year old trans child because I doubt there are any parents who would think of putting that label on such a young child. As others have said young children often role play other people/ animals etc for sustained period of time. There is no harm in going along with it but I would not assume it will be in any way permanent. Children need the freedom to act out how they feel without it effecting the rest of their life. If you put a label on him it will stick in other people's minds long after he may have grown out of it.

Last easter before school broke for term the school informed the children that when he came back after the holidays he would be a girl and his new name would be 'girls name'. They explained to the children that inside his body was different as a boy to a girls and he would start taking tablets eventually that would stop changes happening within his body that would turn him into a man and once he was grown up he would have an operation so his genitals would be that of a ladies.

Really? What a totally inappropriate way of dealing with it. Not all trans people ever have surgery, and IMO hormones shouldn't be encouraged for children. That child is being set on a path, at the age of 9, that will eventually make them infertile. How can anyone think that's a good thing to do? Surely the gender issue could have been dealt with sensitively without announcing to the world that this little boy will have a very personal operation in the future and making it even more difficult for him to reverse the "decision"? Also, I don't like the other children's or parents' feelings being steamrollered over either. I'm very glad they had the sense to provide a separate changing facility. It isn't at all unreasonable to not want your 9 year old girl about to go through puberty to be forced to change in front of a boy.

With regards to the OP, please just let your child be a child.

Ok, I have a transgender DS. He transitioned aged 14 and I made an appointment to go in and discuss it with the school. They were fantastic and continue to be supportive to this day.

He recently said that the first time he felt something was 'wrong' was the day he started school when he lined up with the boys to go to the toilet. He was also teased badly by the other girls in the class for having a 'boys' lunch bag. He was very popular but ALWAYS felt different.

Knowing what I know now would I go back and start the process earlier? YES. Maybe aged 9 or 10.

Aged 4? Not a chance!I have another DS who wore nighties for a whole year to his bed, had his bedroom painted pink and wanted to be a girl between the ages of 4 and 5. He would be horrified now aged 10 at anything remotely girly. It was just a daft phase that loads of kids go through. Being Transgender is NOT easy. I am in total awe of my son on a daily basis for the shit he deals with!

It's not a decision to be taken lightly and certainly not at 4. However that is only MY opinion and only you as the person who knows your child the best can make the decision. I wish you nothing but love and understanding Happy for you to PM me if you would like to chat

Please don't label your child trans, they are far too young to understand. Just let them be

I am actually lost for words. Poor, poor child.

I had no idea how strongly you'd previously expressed your preference for a boy when I initially replied to your OP.

The more I read about your previous posting history the angrier I get and the sorrier I feel for your son.

"Trans". FFS 🙄 Get a bloody grip.

1. Ffs just let your DC be a kid. Seems like it's you that is keen for a DD

Any studies done have shown that 60-90% of 'trans' children do not identify as trans by adulthood. Talking about a 3 year old transitioning is madness. How they can they fully understand the concept at that age?

Let your child be a 3 year old.

hairy that posting history is worrying to say the least. It seems this woman may need help dealing with her own issues. I feel sorry for her child, she is totally messing up his life for her own selfish reasons.

My six year old dd's friends are mostly boys. She's either a boy in disguise or she's a terrible flirt.

Oh and my DS wanted to be a dinosaur at that age. I worried he would never have a conversation as he roared instead of talking. He also slept under his bed not on it.

I am shocked that I have been so misunderstood. I am sorry I came on here to ask for support.

I do not label my child as trans in day to day life.

I'm just getting on with life.

Which I will return to now

I had a best friend who was a boy in nursery and primary school, he loved barbies, polly pockets, pink and all things girly. He loved just to play with us girls and wanted to be one, he is not a trans now we are adults as he grew out of this as we got older. Please don't pigeon hole your child they are far too young, give them room to play and be whoever they want to be and only put a label on them when they are old enough to really make a choice. If you label them 'trans' aged three you risk damaging them one way or another.

This is appalling, that poor poor child.

When I was growing up it seemed to be common for some girls to be what was known as tom-boys. They all seemed very happy to go back to being girls as they got older. Isn't this just the same thing?

Please let your son be whatever he wants to be but without labeling him, or making it difficult for him to change back when he almost inevitably grows out of this phase - a 3yo is not trans!!

OP, what's your definition of a girl/woman? And of a boy/man?

Op I don't think anything needs to be done at the stage. I know a child (known since they were 3, now 11) who identifies as the opposite gender (born girl, identity boy). It was obvious when they were 3, it is still obvious now. It is interesting that nothing was ever said to any of the other kids but the boys absorbed this child up as one of them. Several even thought the child was anatomically male, having just assumed. You are just dealing with little kids. They accept who they see in front of them ime.

I do not label my child as trans in day to day life.

But surely you must do, if you refer to your son as DD and want the school to know that they're 'trans'?

Please do read the replies on this thread carefully, as some of us have really taken time to try to help.
And please do think very carefully about what you're doing.

Poor child. i think he is much too young to identify as trans. Let him have his childhood and don't push the idea onto him.

You have all reduced my husband and me to tears.

You don't know us or our children and so much of what is written here is very judgmental and unhelpful.