Ex's new partner has Social Services involvement, false domestic abuse claims, and active safeguarding issues. Can we stop our kids being around her? (England)

[rose9826]

I (28) live in England and need advice regarding child contact and safeguarding. I have two children (ages 3 and 6) with my ex "John" (35).

We split 1.5 years ago on fine terms.

John also has two older children (10 & 12) with his ex "K" (30). K and I are on good terms.

John, K and I have no prior history with police or Social Services.

John has been with his new partner "Jane" (23) for a year. Jane has a 2-year-old child. Over the past year, several major safeguarding and behavioral issues have emerged regarding Jane:

-Jane lives in a Mother & Baby Unit and has active SS involvement due to safeguarding issues. SS banned John from being around Jane’s child after learning he smokes weed (on his balcony). John and Jane repeatedly breached this restriction. Recently, they were caught, SS briefly removed Jane's child and placed him in the father's care, but returned him. John openly admits he ignores SS rules because he doesn't agree with them.

-Jane messaged me telling me to "do one" for co-parenting with John. She also wanted John to stay on the phone the entire time he was providing childcare at K’s house, and expressed that she wants him to financially/emotionally support her son and have her son call him "dad."

-During an argument where John tried to leave her flat and had to physically move past her, Jane called the police claiming domestic violence. John was arrested, but police took No Further Action. John has no prior history of ever being violent toward me, K, or anyone else. Out of malice, Jane then reported John and K to SS for child neglect (NFA’d after investigation). Jane later admitted in a call to SS that she lied.

Despite all this, John rekindled the relationship.

Current Situation:

John previously had a 1-bed flat where the kids stayed overnight 3 weekends a month, but he gave it up. He now only sees his children for a couple of hours each week, either on a weekend or after work in the week. He has now pretty much confirmed he will be moving in with Jane.

Both K and I are extremely uncomfortable with our children being around Jane due to her volatile behavior, false allegations, and disregard for SS rules. John says he will seek legal advice about Jane being around the children, claiming "she apologised, everyone makes mistakes."

Questions:

What options do K and I have to legally stop John from bringing our children around Jane or into her home?

If John takes us to court for a Child Arrangements Order (CAO), how will a court/Cafcass or Social Services view Jane’s ongoing SS involvement, her history of false reports, and their intentional breaches of SS rules?

How likely is a court to rule that our children can or cannot be around Jane given this background?

What immediate steps should K and I take to protect our legal standing while still offering safe contact between John and his children?

We want our children to see their dad regularly, he has always been a good, present dad before Jane came into his life.

Stop this waste of space from seeing the dc. Make him go to court and pass regular drug tests. I bet he won’t bother though. He doesn’t care about his dc and he certainly didn’t care about his now very young and vulnerable gf losing hers. What a mess

Yes, from what John explained, it's technically a mother & baby unit but is a self contained flat, so more like supported accommodation, it's all very confusing.
John is living with his friend in his friend & his friend's mums house.

So John is seeing a vulnerable woman who is 12 years his jnr, smoking weed, and participating in actions that contribute towards a child being placed into care and away from their mother because of safeguarding concerns.

you’ve assumed the dv claim is a false report based on what? That it didn’t happen to you so she must be lying?

John has gone back to a woman that is actively endangering his children with malicious reports to SS.
and he’s actively given up his chance to have his contact with his children.

…but your worry is Jane, not John. Because John is a good guy?

if you don’t think John will take you to court I’d reduce Johns time with my dc because I wouldn’t want them around either John or Jane.

even if you do I’d reduce time any way and get legal advice about the SS concerns around john, the drug use and the dv charges and lack of safe space to have contact with children and where he would stand if he tried to get contact

Why would you let someone you know is smoking weed look after your kids?

John is your bigger problem, not Jane

So sounds like it’s social services involvement - safeguarding rather than psychiatric evaluation ? Any idea how she ended up in those circumstances ? As a previous poster has said, that will be relevant in determining how easily you and K can stop John’s contact with his kids. If it’s supported living there will ongoing assessment of parenting skills and there won’t be any suggestion of overnight stays for John, so presumably there can be no plans to live together in the short term until Jane’s issues are resolved.

Why did he give up his flat ? Not sure I’d be happy to allow contact anyway unless I knew the ‘friend’ and the mum and could be assured they’re no risk to the children.

If he doesn’t agree to a contact centre OP will need a court order. The courts have a wide range of options where cannabis use is involved, so OP won’t necessarily get what she wants. They will look at whether drug use impairs childcare ability, including personal care and providing a safe environment - if the use is light recreational, and children are not present it will be treated very differently from being under the influence while directly supervising his children. He would need to show that cannabis is not smoked in front of them, or stored where they can access it.

Even if they find that his cannabis use presents a risk to the children, contact likely won’t stop entirely unless there is severe neglect or danger. They could order supervised or controlled access or require him to have no drug use before or during contact. His living conditions would be assessed for the welfare of the children and he would need to show these are stable, that there is adequate space and proper safeguarding.

Assuming there's no current court order, I'd offer contact only in a contact centre. I agree OP, you're very focused on what a problem Jane is, but John sounds awful. He's making poor and selfish choices around all the children involved in this. He has gone from having your children 3 full weekends a month to just a couple of hours and in an unsuitable situation. There's no chance he'll get it together again apply for a CAO.

Could John see the children, and K's in your house and of course no weed.

Maybe you and she could stay upstairs, with his knowledge.

This would be nice for your kids and it's very easy to stop if anything happens.

Don't give him a key.

Jane isn't the problem. Your ex, who smokes weed, has piss-poor judgement and does not prioritise his children by givng up his home to move into unstable accommodation even though it means that he will have to stop overnight visits with his childen is a problem. You and his other ex's failure to recognise his shortcomings and still think that having this man around your children is a good idea is the other part of the problem. Four adults with shit judgment.

The weed smoking wouldn’t necessarily be an issue on its own. Away from kids, discreetly. But smoking weed so blatantly that it’s been noticed by SS and others just adds to his many red flags. He needs reporting to SS every time he breaks this rule so they can attempt to protect this poor child/ children.

I don't know the full ins and outs of why social is involved with Jane and her son, I just know that she was a cared for child in the system so I think that automatically brings social involvement if they have a child? Not sure unfortunately.
I do know the friend John is living with and the mother, they are great people and are also not particularly happy with John's relationship and have tried to talk sense into him too.

He looks after his children he has with K at her house so she can work overnight 12 hour shifts currently, which Jane has an issue with and makes him stay on the phone the whole time to make sure he is not cheating on her with K, even though they have not been together for a very long time and K is at work. However, I've mentioned him having our children at mine for a night or two to spend quality time with them and I go out elsewhere, but he says no because there are 'too many bad memories there'. Not sure what he means by this because we split amicably after not getting along for a couple of years.

So John ia a drug addict
But he is a great dad

Gosh what a Prince
Sounds like the kids would benefit from not seeing John, let alone J

If I were you, I'd speak to social services about the situation with your children and also get legal advice. At the moment, if you must allow contact, I would only have him have the children at your house for a few hours, no taking them out and that way you can ensure they have no contact with Jane. In the longer term, if he stays in a relationship with her, it's very likely that his contact time with your children will dwindle to nothing so it might be best to cut contact now while they're still young. He's hardly father of the year, is he? He's putting his relationship with an unstable young woman before his children. I doubt he's got the motivation to actually take you to court for access. Does he pay child supoort for all his children?

Being in care as a child doesn’t automatically bring SS involvement if someone has a child.

mother and baby units are usually either for psychiatric reasons (post partum psychosis etc) or for assessing parenting skills.

2 is quite old for a child and mother to be in a mother and baby unit. I would assume not psychiatric in which case there are probably major questions over her ability to parent.

No, he doesn't pay.
He's never paid for his older two because K never put in an application, but over the years does send a bit of money here and there when asked. Never a monthly payment.
Same with me, until 2 months ago I decided enough is enough and I requested £200 a month, which he has provided so far.

Yeah. Jane is the least of your problems

Just agreeing with everyone else - the problem here is John. It sounds like he's now targeting even younger, more vulnerable women as you and K have proved to be at least somewhat sensible. Not THAT sensible as you never insisted he pay and don't seem to hve an issue with the fact that he knowingly caused problems for his new girlfriend with social servies by refusing to smoke weed arond her children in a bloody mother/baby unit.

John clearly has a pattern of picking women who will let him get away with shit.

OP, you and K need to get much smarter and much better at protecting your children.

Men like this should be forcibly sterilised to limit the damage they wreak on women and the poor kids they sire.

Ah yes

We want our children to see their dad regularly, he has always been a good, present dad before Jane came into his life.

stop blaming women op. He doesn’t pay for his children because k didn’t put in an application? So it’s Ks fault?
And a great dad until it was Jane’s fault too.

I never said it was K's fault? I just stated that she just didn't put an application in. I didn't either, we came to the £200 agreement ourselves.
I'm also not blaming Jane for everything, they are both as bad as each other.
Why is it whenever I post for advice here I always end up getting attacked?
I'm literally just trying to get my head around what is best, what the best routes are and what next steps I should take to keep my children safe.

SS banned John from being around Jane’s child after learning he smokes weed (on his balcony)

And your problem is with her?!

Okay then.

Just let him collect them from you take them out to a park or soft play etc just for a few hours and return them to you.