Ex's new partner has Social Services involvement, false domestic abuse claims, and active safeguarding issues. Can we stop our kids being around her? (England)

[rose9826]

I (28) live in England and need advice regarding child contact and safeguarding. I have two children (ages 3 and 6) with my ex "John" (35).

We split 1.5 years ago on fine terms.

John also has two older children (10 & 12) with his ex "K" (30). K and I are on good terms.

John, K and I have no prior history with police or Social Services.

John has been with his new partner "Jane" (23) for a year. Jane has a 2-year-old child. Over the past year, several major safeguarding and behavioral issues have emerged regarding Jane:

-Jane lives in a Mother & Baby Unit and has active SS involvement due to safeguarding issues. SS banned John from being around Jane’s child after learning he smokes weed (on his balcony). John and Jane repeatedly breached this restriction. Recently, they were caught, SS briefly removed Jane's child and placed him in the father's care, but returned him. John openly admits he ignores SS rules because he doesn't agree with them.

-Jane messaged me telling me to "do one" for co-parenting with John. She also wanted John to stay on the phone the entire time he was providing childcare at K’s house, and expressed that she wants him to financially/emotionally support her son and have her son call him "dad."

-During an argument where John tried to leave her flat and had to physically move past her, Jane called the police claiming domestic violence. John was arrested, but police took No Further Action. John has no prior history of ever being violent toward me, K, or anyone else. Out of malice, Jane then reported John and K to SS for child neglect (NFA’d after investigation). Jane later admitted in a call to SS that she lied.

Despite all this, John rekindled the relationship.

Current Situation:

John previously had a 1-bed flat where the kids stayed overnight 3 weekends a month, but he gave it up. He now only sees his children for a couple of hours each week, either on a weekend or after work in the week. He has now pretty much confirmed he will be moving in with Jane.

Both K and I are extremely uncomfortable with our children being around Jane due to her volatile behavior, false allegations, and disregard for SS rules. John says he will seek legal advice about Jane being around the children, claiming "she apologised, everyone makes mistakes."

Questions:

What options do K and I have to legally stop John from bringing our children around Jane or into her home?

If John takes us to court for a Child Arrangements Order (CAO), how will a court/Cafcass or Social Services view Jane’s ongoing SS involvement, her history of false reports, and their intentional breaches of SS rules?

How likely is a court to rule that our children can or cannot be around Jane given this background?

What immediate steps should K and I take to protect our legal standing while still offering safe contact between John and his children?

We want our children to see their dad regularly, he has always been a good, present dad before Jane came into his life.

A few hours a week? I couldn’t get worked up about that. Especially considering you’re cool with them being around their idiotic, weed smoking father.

How old are your kids? The exs are 10 and 12, they’ll be fine.

Honestly unless your kids are very young I would just leave him to it during his time.
He’s a fool and he will learn the hard way. But the kids will be fine. Just, you keep away from her. She has it in for you.

Yep, they used to spend Friday - Sunday 3 weekends a month with their dad, but he gave up his flat so now can't have them that much.

The older two already know what's going on and aren't very happy with him being with her and don't want to know her anymore, my two are only 3&6 but they are very much daddies boys and absolutely love him so it is extremely hard for me to see them not see their dad more and have them constantly asking me when they are seeing him, when they will be staying with him again etc.

Weed heads shouldn't be around kids, TBH

The op literally gives her kids ages in the first paragraph - 3&6.

OP I can’t give legal advice a I don’t know, but why are you blaming Jane for everything when one of the SS issues was caused by your ex smoking weed around her child? Presumably he also does this around your children - and his one bedroom flat probably reeked of it.

Your ex sounds like a right piece of work, and has a pretty gross habit of targeting younger women than him it seems. Don’t worry - Jane will age out in a couple of years if you look at his history…

John sounds like a selfish prick.

1 He’s happy to give up a home that accommodates his children to move into a less stable unsustainable accommodation and situation for his children.
2 He has smoked dope in a property around a child that is not his after being warned by social services resulting in the child going into social care.
3 He’s also happy for yours and Ks children to be around an unstable partner who has active social care involvement.

If you have a legal agreement I’d go back to court. If not I’d stop contact and tell him he either prioritises a safe healthy environment for his children or he dosnt see them. I’m sure that will sure his true colours.

Stop blaming the new gf and start looking at the man you had children with,

He sounds like the problem. He’s targeted a very vulnerable young woman, extremely predatory. If you don’t feel safe sending the kids to him suggest he spends time with them at your home or somewhere you both are. He can take you to court but it will take a long time and cost money.

I would stop all contact with their Dad.

I would also not be allowing a three and six year old to be alone with a drug user.

You’re being naive here. John is a very shady character, drug addict who started a relationship with a very vulnerable much younger women, sounds like he is a domestic violence perp and won’t listen to ss. He is also happy to expose his children to a toxic relationship,

You could insist he only sees the kids in a contact centre but some one would need to pay for that. Would he go to court if you stopped him seeing the children?

Where is John living now if Jane is in a mother and baby home?

I also don't see social services banning a man from being around a child because he smokes weed on his balcony. Drug use is so prevalent that kids are left with active addicts. Are you sure that he is telling the truth about that?

I wonder how long until Jane falls pregnant with his baby.

You don’t have a Jane issue, you and K have a John Issue.

you can simply state that the children will not be going to Jane’s place due to the many safeguarding issues. Are they planning to live together outside of the unit? How will they manage to find a home big enough for all the kids to stay.?

I would probably be a little practice and seek legal advice to be ready with prohibited steps or a formal CAO.

Why are you so keen to keep this loser in your precious children’s lives? He had his first child when he was 23 and the mother only 18. You were only 22 when your first was born. He likes his women young, doesn’t he? So he’ll soon be on to the next one. He’s had 4 children with two women but has nowhere to live to enable proper co-parenting, and worse, uses drugs around them. This should always have been a hard line for you. And now his life has become chaotic, with no home, SS involvement and police too.

I’d be expecting you to do everything in your power to keep your children away from him, regardless of his current girlfriend. He must be the world’s most amazing lover to have had all these women wanting to procreate with him and tolerating his drug use and uselessness alongside. Either that or he preys on the young and vulnerable.

Keep your children away from him and out of this mess if you want to be a half-decent parent.

So he's fine to see the kids whilst he's smoking and stinky of weed but not whilst he's with his admittedly twat of a girlfriend?

I'd just withhold access, a man like him won't go to court for access.

Have higher standards OP.

He smokes illegal drugs, whether it’s on the balcony or not is irrelevant, he also is dating a vulnerable young woman, so much younger, he’s no catch. Best option is a contact centre for now and take proper advice

You and the other Ex need to keep your kids with you and go no contact. The dad can take you to court and let them review all the info about weed and SS and no house for them to stay at.
he’s not a good dad.

I love how he’s said he will take legal advice hope they talk some sense into him the pilchard.

John sounds like an utter loser, never mind her.

Also, 12,10,6,3….

Hmmmm.

She’ll be pregnant soon, like someone up thread said, he’s a predator.

As others have said, your real problem here is John, not Jane. In your shoes, I would be doing everything in my power to minimise unsupervised contact with my kids.

It’s not clear from your post what the actual issues are that led to Jane being in the mum and baby unit.

what those issues actually are will be very relevant to how easy you find it to be suppprted by a court if you stop contact.

obviously you can stop contact but then John’s obvious response is to go to court.

court won’t care about smoking weed.

there will be a reason why SS care - presumably Jane has a history of either significant drug use or exposing her child to significant drug use.

incidentally if Jane is in a mum and baby unit John will not be able to move in with her.

I’m a bit confused about Jane’s circumstances. OP says Jane lives in a mother and baby unit, but also says that Jane called the police after John pushed past her to leave her flat. For context can OP clarify what type of accommodation Jane is actually in ? Mother and baby units are usually for psychiatric assessments of one type or another. Whereas supported housing or residential hostels for young or vulnerable parents - sometimes referred to as mother and baby units - would be more for parenting guidance and assessment. Either way it sounds as though Jane is young and extremely vulnerable and John isn’t bringing much to the relationship.

This is what’s confusing me. OP refers to Jane having her own flat, but parents in M&B units only have bedrooms. Supported housing is sometimes referred to as M&B units but usually parents live in small self contained units. The purposes behind the two are very different and would give some context as to why Jane is there. It’s also not clear where John is living now or why he gave up his flat.

Sounds like John likes very young women and getting them pregnant. I mean 35 and seeing a 23 year old with a kid…
Smoking weed and moving onto the next one. What attracted you to him?

Suggest he sees them in a contact centre if he’s moving into her flat. Where is he living now? Don’t tell me he went back to his mum. Maybe that’s what he’s looking for.

This is a John problem. Unfortunately two much younger women for some reason decided to have two kids each with this stoner, he will probably be breeding again shortly.

You need to step up and parent your DC. Their father is clearly incapable.

Stop all unsupervised contact with him and insist on contact centre for all the reasons you have outlined here. Fathers drug abuse, lack of safe home etc

@rose9826 a good, present dad before the current girlfriend?
Hardly. John is a piece of work. Stays around for a few years, has a couple of kids, moves in to younger partner and repeat. Doubtless we working taxpayers are supporting the results of his fecklessness. And his drug habit.
The children live with you and K so can stop him taking the children anywhere. If you have such an amiable relationship with him let him visit the children in your home. K can do the same. And let him take you both to court if he genuinely wants a different arrangement.
He won't.