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First hearing - CAO / CAFCASS - Should I go into debt to pay for representation?

29 replies

ShuffleShuffleSpin · 27/01/2026 21:23

Can anyone give me objective advice about whether I should risk attending the FHDRA as a litigant in person with a Mackenzie friend?

This is a CAO safeguarding case and CAFCASS is involved.

I have £50 in my bank account. I have a credit card I can use but I am terrified of being in over my head in debt. My ex husband is a high earner who financially abused me. He has been arrested for what he did to me physically (Rape, ABH, sexual assault) and he abused the children physically and emotionally. This is a children’s safeguarding hearing re child arrangements. We had to attend an emergency hearing in December and that wiped me out financially. I am now in arrears to my solicitor.

He will be fully represented by a barrister and a solicitor. He has access to personal cash and family money. I am sure finances will eventually be sorted out in the divorce but it’s going to take ages and I know he will fight that tooth and nail because he sees it as “his money” and our marital house is “his house because he bought it with his money” etc etc. He earned a health six figure income and made me use my meagre income to pay for many family expenses and refused budges and plans so it was impossible for me to save and I am the primary carer of our three children so my work has always been part time. Even when we had three children three and under, he told people, “my wife is self sustaining”. He treated me like an au pair, room and board and that’s it.

And now I have to figure out if I should pay £1800 for a barrister and about £2000 for a solicitor for this hearing. He is aggressive and has a good team around him. I was told the FHDRA is mainly procedural. I don’t want to get this wrong. I don’t want to make a bad decision but almost don’t trust my private pay solicitor bc she is encouraging litigation loans and credit cards and I have no clue what financial position I will be in after all of this.

I suspect legal aid will be approved for future hearings but you don’t know until you know.

Any advice?

OP posts:
ShuffleShuffleSpin · 04/03/2026 22:05

Mooselooseinmyhoose · 04/03/2026 21:41

His appeal wont be granted just because he doesnt like the outcome. He'd have to prove it was a legally flawed decision.

Honestly a KC turning out in a "straight forward" case - by which i mean no disrespect to the awful impact on you or your children but there aren't novel areas of law or extended fact finding scheduled.. just looks like throwing money at something to bully the other person. As you saw judges see through it!!

Good luck. You've got this!

Thank you. That means a lot and gives me hope. The things he and his barrister are saying about me are twisted. For example, I had my solicitor send him the letter saying we were divorcing and asking him not to return to the family home while he was away from home (to avoid escalation), and they describe that as me operating from my “position of power”. I have been living in fear of this man and the are describing me as this extremely powerful woman who plots and schemes to take the kids from him. The reality is I wanted help from professionals to bring in accountability and address the safeguarding issues because ex minimised, downplayed, and kept abusing us at home (and was escalating towards our eldest son and demonstrating hostility towards home, saying he hated him and talking about death etc as well as grabbing his jaw and yanking him up by the t shirt).

OP posts:
Easterbunnygettingawrapping · 04/03/2026 22:05

Ptsd and anorexic @6 stone. Wasn't pleasant...
I got legal aid back then - rules were different..
He's dead now and the relief was genuinely a physical feeling....

ShuffleShuffleSpin · 04/03/2026 22:12

Easterbunnygettingawrapping · 04/03/2026 22:05

Ptsd and anorexic @6 stone. Wasn't pleasant...
I got legal aid back then - rules were different..
He's dead now and the relief was genuinely a physical feeling....

Sorry to hear it was so hard on you. I can definitely believe it! Did the legal aid leave you with debt to pay off?

OP posts:
timetofight · 07/03/2026 07:44

I haven’t read all the posts so apologies if this has been said. I had a Mackenzie Friend that I paid for and I took a clever friend to another one and I would definitely take a friend next time. A Mackenzie friend can’t really do much more than a friend and they are expensive now so I wouldn’t bother next time. I was asked if they knew the children so make sure it’s your friend rather than a family friend.

As far as I know the law has changed and if your ex partner has been abusive to you then they will now consider this as they could be abusive to the children. That is a change from previous where they seemed to give access to abusive partners.

You can get a direct access barrister via the direct access website and only pay for them and not a solicitor which will halve your costs. You can also find someone within your means.

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