My 2 year old daughter being relocated

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Im a dad of a 2 year old, and not really sure where to seek advice. Beginning of the year we relocated for my partners job- I found a new job here, and shortly after was asked to move out

for the past 4 months iv been living in a house share so our current arrangement has been
Week 1 - Monday Wednesday after my work I have my daughter at the mums house. Then Friday overnight until Sunday 3pm at the house ( during the warmer weeks I usually took her to the park or for a walk during the week) over the weekend i bring all food needed and extra for the week, I take her out every weekend and the mum is away

week 2- Tuesday Thursday after work Sunday 3pm- bedtime

so anyway I pay child maintenance i actually pay 16% of my wage slightly more than the minimum,
I do really well as a dad my daughter adores me, she loves spending time with me and when I’m there doesn’t want anyone else just her daddy.

im moving into my own place January 1st so the contact can shift I’ll probably not be able to have her over night on all my week nights as Im an engineer snd start work sometimes at 4am

my ex has now decided she wants to move to London which is depending where in London about 2 hours one way from where I live and around 2:30 from my work.

her reasons she gave me is there is more to do for my daughter like museums and parks- theres Facebook groups for like minded single mums- shes closer to her parents ( they live in France but it’s a direct flight rather than a 2 Hour drive and a direct flight hey )
she feels isolated where we live and thinks living in London would make her a better mum- she also says because I only pop in and are deluded thinking I do almost 50% ( because she picks her up some week nights from nursery and I arrive about an hour after that apparently I just pop round and am a dad when I want to be
iv never cancelled a visit I always come up with fun things to do, I have covered two extra weekends, 3 occasions where the child minder was sick I basically had my daughter then made up my work hours from 4:30pm till midnight

so I just don’t know where I stand with this like surely you cant just reduce my contact to what would essentially be every other weekend ? I do everything to see my daughter as much as possible often working from home when I can so that I can finish early during week and have her for longer. I don’t see her thinking moving would benefit her mental health as a reason.

and of course now shes started down the route that the relationship was abusive was litterally never mentioned until she was justifying the break up to other people. The alleged abuse is that iv called her an idiot in arguments before and apparently I pushed her 4 years ago.

she has regular phone conversations with a councillor, a psychologist and also a domestic abuse charity- who are going to set up a mediator apparently

I just don’t understand how someone can she claim that I just pop in I see my daughter as much as I reasonably can.

she also says that shes allowed me to use her house- and I take advantage because over the weekend I used a teabag and it was the last one and didn’t replace it- we were together for 4 years and she never once drank a cup of tea.
but anyway I originally said I’d collect my daughter from her house on my days and bring her back so that I didn’t need to use her house ( after the abuse claims began) and was met with message after message how this isn’t fair how it makes her house bound how she can’t go see friends or go drinking or go food shopping ( children are allowed in the supermarket )

so I agreed to have her at the house. I just don’t understand why these medical professionals shes talking to according to her agree with this nonsense. She believes me saying I don’t want her to move my daughter away and reduce my contact time is me controlling her. I don’t care what she does but she says being a mother doesn’t fulfill her that’s why she needs to move as there will be more for her to do ( she now tries to link it to my daughter but originally it was about her )

sorry if this seems a rant i absolutly love my daughter shes my best friend and the best thing that ever happened to me and just feel like iv spent months jumping through hoops to maintain my contact with her for her mum to just move her away from me

on a final note she had no job lined up in London but is a teacher so a role that relocating is easier

I’m interested in what you think about the alleged abuse then. Why do you think she would say he pushed her four years ago rather than say it was more recent and more regular if it was a lie?

I think it’s quite selfish of her to move and reduce her contact with her dad. I’ve had to stay in the same (very expensive) area for 15yrs so my children can see their dad. I didn’t want them travelling hours every weekend. Yes it’s a sacrifice, but I put my children’s needs ahead of my own as any good parent should.

But if you can’t afford to take her to court, not sure what else you can do. Guess she could move overseas too.

He asked for legal advice, not your nasty judgement.

Well said

Hi OP, this sounds desperate. Relationship breakdowns are never fun; I’m glad you have stayed involved with your daughter. Check out AdviceNow’s website; they have some free guides to family law. They’re a charity that exists to educate people on their rights. Wasn’t there a campaign group called Dads4Justice that worked on this stuff a few years ago? If they are still around they may be able to advise. Careful not to fall down the manosphere! The system does favour the mum, especially if abuse has been alleged.

OP, that sounds like a tough situation, and it’s not fair that most commenters here have decided that you are responsible for all gender inequalities everywhere and that this post is some kind of court. I hope that the fact you’re focusing on proving them wrong rather than a potential solution is not an indication of an immature of difficult character. At the end of the day, we only know one half of the story.

You can do 3 things now:

1. Follow your ex where she wants to go (perhaps explaining to her though that this reduces your earning potential, therefore how much you can support her and your daughter)
2. Try and improve your co-parenting relationship. Agree on a medium to long-term plan (could you love to London more easily in 2-3 years?). Discuss what arrangements would work best on both sides.
3. Go down the legal route. No advice here as I don’t know much about it but other posters have shared some useful information.

What was the reason you split in the first place, and why did your ex move so often? What do your friends and family say? Haven’t they given you any advice?

There really is no substitute for legal advice but you can argue against the relocation for the sake of your relationship with your daughter. You could also apply to be the main residential parent and the mother have EOW.

If, in the end, she does move, my observation of others is that the court will generally ask the parent who moved to make the most effort. My friend has to drive three hours to take their child to their father, then back again, for every visit. She was the one who moved. He also gets more holiday time to make up for the week days he misses.

She also can't expect as much practical support from you if she moves. It's not realistic for you to be doing nursery picks ups if she lives two hours drive away.

You may have to pay more child support if you have the child less, but kids do need supporting.

Reduce your maintenance payment to the legal amount required for a start and then use the extra you’ve been paying for a solicitor.

Stating the facts of his situation is hardly argumentative.

Realistically, from January then, your contact with your DD will be reduced to every other weekend whatever happens. If you can’t possibly do the nursery drop offs and pick ups, how can you have her during the week?

Ignore thw negative comments. It sounds like you have her about 40 percent of the time. I suspect your ex hasn't factored this into her consideration about moving. She may end up far more isolated in a new city with a toddler and no help.

Contact your local family mediation Centre and they will talk you through the process of putting a court order in place to stop your ex moving. They should also have a list of local solicitors that take legal aid. In the meantime start going through all email, texts, paperwork which prove how much you have your daughter. Keep calm, respond politely to any messages from your ex as if you dont it may get used against you. Do not allow yourself to be drawn into any disputes, arguments etc either face to face or in message. Everything you do from this moment ensure she cannot use it against you to show a judge your abusive etc.

Don't step foot in her house if at all possible and whilst she is making accusations start having a credible witness around during handovers if possible. As much as possible pick your daughter up from nursery and drop her off there as staff generally wont take sides. Please dont bad mouth mum to anyone, keep it professional at all points.

Wtaf, why are you defending a woman that thinks moving her daughter away from her father is a good idea because it will make her a better mum!?

What did your boss say when you submitted a flexible working request?

Baffled by the number of responses containing no legal advice on the legal forum. Please don't respond to them OP.

As for your legal position - Unfortunately unless you can come to an agreement with the other parent, the only way to challenge/prevent a move is via the courts.

This is very important OP.

You've had really good advice on here from people who know what they are talking about - that your ex is not being reasonable, you don't have to take this lying down, and there is a solid chance the move would not be allowed.

You've also had a lot of grief from a minority of posters who have been hurt badly in the past, see a man posting and project their feelings onto him

It's up to you which side you listen to. Good luck

You don't need a solicitor to go to court but you will need to pay the court fees. You should probably apply for 50/50, you would then be able to apply for Universal Credit, childcare costs, help with rent, etc. You would then be able to ask for more flexibility at work too, I don't see why you need to start at 4am when your work day end early enough for you to be with your daughter at 5pm. You could do the 4am starts and travel away on your off weeks.

You get a job where you don't start at 4 30. Does her mum have the option to start work at 4.30am?

In your shared house where you can't look after her past 4.30am? How would that work?

The challenge here is that you’re saying two very different things.

1. I want to very much be in my daughters life.
2. I want to do it on my terms so I will only have the days and times that work for me.

It’s not coming across very well. It’s not coming across well to me and I have a degree of empathy and experience with it.

Can you give me a solution to me taking her to nursery when I start work at 4:30am then? Do I just tell my boss I’ll be 5 hours late ?

We have a shared care order for my partner’s children. Until the children are at least eighteen, we accept there will be sacrifices made by us, for them.

We live in an overpriced town we wouldn’t choose to live in, 45 minutes to an hour from work.

We choose flexible working and stability, over jobs that pay more. I could earn another £20k in another role/location, but I wouldn’t be at home for drop offs. My partner could earn another £15k in another role/location, he wouldn’t be available for pick ups.

We have paid for wraparound care at afterschool club, even when brassic.

We currently pay £60 a month for a bus pass, to high school, 1.8 miles away because we can’t be in two places at once.

These are just snippets of the reality of shared custody. It’s painful, and there are two of us to make it work.

You need to have a really realistic look at what is actually possible for you to do for your child. I would minimise changes as a result of shift patterns as much as possible, it will be an ongoing source of tension. If you can only do EOW and not during the week, consistently, only put EOW forward.

Apply for C100 (to formalise child arrangements) and prohibitive steps order (to prevent the move) - a McKenzie Friend can help you navigate the court process at a lower rate than a solicitor. They can’t represent you in court however.

Do it on the basis of what you can reliably commit to for the next few years. Move up the employment ladder and then re-evaluate if you can commit to more (if you wish to).

Formalise the contact with the Ex, stop going to her house. Treat your time, as your time - at your house, on your dime - whether that’s nursery or whatever, her time as her time.

Keep your boundaries high. Don’t muddy the waters.

I think you must have a reasonable relationship with ExP to be in her home so much. So firstly talk to her about what this plan is: im struggling to see how she would afford to live in London with a toddler and no support system? How is she suggesting access would work? Would you each pay the cost to pick up DD from the other? Whats it really about becauae a toddler doesnt care about museums, and she could visit them now? Then talk to her about if its workable for DD who is now old enough to miss the routine, her friends, her nursery and you are too far to help midweek with the emotional output of that because her sleep may change if everything changes.

Id see if work has a an employee assistance programme? You could get legal advice there? Theres some charities help men specifically?

You realise me working less negatively impacts everyone

because you are sharing 16% of your wage ?

https://childlawadvice.org.uk/clas/contact-child-law-advice/ great website and free legal.advice if you call the helpline. They are very helpful. Seems odd justification that there will be more for your daughter to do there if she will be spending every other weekend with you outside of London, and realistically, after school etc is limited time-wise.

A change of residency like this would be a major crisis for this little girl [and her parents] - fortunately OP is moving to his own flat at the beginning of Jan and initially would need to use emergency parental leave,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

I have no idea why some posters are having such a go at you, OP, and doing this ridiculous nitpicking.

My advice is to speak to your ex either in person or by email, and ask her to lay out exactly the things that make her want to move to London. Ask her to list them. Then reply, carefully considering what she’s said and offering solutions. You can then show you’ve listened and engaged with her prior to going to Court.

To me, it seems possible that your ex is hoping to move to London to reduce the time you spend with your daughter, then continue to reduce that time in the hope she can move back to France with her.

Document and prove everything. You say your ex wanted to move a number of times while you were together. If these moves were for spurious reasons, then that would count against her and her planned move to London, as it’s not in your daughter’s best interests to be moved frequently.

Telling op to listen to her, step up, and do more isn't defending her moving away at all.