My 2 year old daughter being relocated

[Ffhffjf]

Im a dad of a 2 year old, and not really sure where to seek advice. Beginning of the year we relocated for my partners job- I found a new job here, and shortly after was asked to move out

for the past 4 months iv been living in a house share so our current arrangement has been
Week 1 - Monday Wednesday after my work I have my daughter at the mums house. Then Friday overnight until Sunday 3pm at the house ( during the warmer weeks I usually took her to the park or for a walk during the week) over the weekend i bring all food needed and extra for the week, I take her out every weekend and the mum is away

week 2- Tuesday Thursday after work Sunday 3pm- bedtime

so anyway I pay child maintenance i actually pay 16% of my wage slightly more than the minimum,
I do really well as a dad my daughter adores me, she loves spending time with me and when I’m there doesn’t want anyone else just her daddy.

im moving into my own place January 1st so the contact can shift I’ll probably not be able to have her over night on all my week nights as Im an engineer snd start work sometimes at 4am

my ex has now decided she wants to move to London which is depending where in London about 2 hours one way from where I live and around 2:30 from my work.

her reasons she gave me is there is more to do for my daughter like museums and parks- theres Facebook groups for like minded single mums- shes closer to her parents ( they live in France but it’s a direct flight rather than a 2 Hour drive and a direct flight hey )
she feels isolated where we live and thinks living in London would make her a better mum- she also says because I only pop in and are deluded thinking I do almost 50% ( because she picks her up some week nights from nursery and I arrive about an hour after that apparently I just pop round and am a dad when I want to be
iv never cancelled a visit I always come up with fun things to do, I have covered two extra weekends, 3 occasions where the child minder was sick I basically had my daughter then made up my work hours from 4:30pm till midnight

so I just don’t know where I stand with this like surely you cant just reduce my contact to what would essentially be every other weekend ? I do everything to see my daughter as much as possible often working from home when I can so that I can finish early during week and have her for longer. I don’t see her thinking moving would benefit her mental health as a reason.

and of course now shes started down the route that the relationship was abusive was litterally never mentioned until she was justifying the break up to other people. The alleged abuse is that iv called her an idiot in arguments before and apparently I pushed her 4 years ago.

she has regular phone conversations with a councillor, a psychologist and also a domestic abuse charity- who are going to set up a mediator apparently

I just don’t understand how someone can she claim that I just pop in I see my daughter as much as I reasonably can.

she also says that shes allowed me to use her house- and I take advantage because over the weekend I used a teabag and it was the last one and didn’t replace it- we were together for 4 years and she never once drank a cup of tea.
but anyway I originally said I’d collect my daughter from her house on my days and bring her back so that I didn’t need to use her house ( after the abuse claims began) and was met with message after message how this isn’t fair how it makes her house bound how she can’t go see friends or go drinking or go food shopping ( children are allowed in the supermarket )

so I agreed to have her at the house. I just don’t understand why these medical professionals shes talking to according to her agree with this nonsense. She believes me saying I don’t want her to move my daughter away and reduce my contact time is me controlling her. I don’t care what she does but she says being a mother doesn’t fulfill her that’s why she needs to move as there will be more for her to do ( she now tries to link it to my daughter but originally it was about her )

sorry if this seems a rant i absolutly love my daughter shes my best friend and the best thing that ever happened to me and just feel like iv spent months jumping through hoops to maintain my contact with her for her mum to just move her away from me

on a final note she had no job lined up in London but is a teacher so a role that relocating is easier

OP does Friday-Sunday overnights and the bedtimes during the week. OP says his DD is in nursery so the ex is not doing full time childcare. She has more free time than I do and I’m not single.

You're just making stuff up. This is fantasy.

Another ridiculous response

I don’t think this is how benefits would work in this scenario.

Which part is fantasy?

He does pop on and out of his exes home midweek atm around his work schedule, and she said if she moves he will get dd EOW.

It's all there in ops posts.

Does Fathers4Justice still exist? Never seen it recommended on MN before - or perhaps you're joking?

Please ignore all the horrible pp trying to make out you're in the wrong.
Your ex is not having a difficult time staying in while a toddler is sleeping. She even sends her to nursery while she's not working, does she spend any quality time with her dd?
Ex sounds incredibly selfish.

I think you should find a job in London and move too.

You op is very me, me, me. Dont you think the move might benefit your daughter and give her a better life?

why?

I wonder if you could look at claiming legal aid for your daughter so your access can be agreed at a Court hearing. Ithink the courts like children to be in contact with both parents so that may help.

it's not. Stick up for yourself. Dads become more and more important the older a child gets, basically by now (2 years) you are just as important. Don't let anyone say you are not.

I'm inclined to think that the ex is more likely to be suffering w significant mental health problems rather than selfish but i might be completely wrong

See also leaving toddler completely unsupervised w her allegedly 'abusive' father for whole weekends whilst she parties in London, having 3 therapists, moving location every 9 months because she;s 'bored', harebrained plans to de-camp to the most expensive place in the UK where she has no support

It's very worrying

Well

He needs an income to support his daughter [and himself]

Whilst 16% of his current salary starting out in his career might not be a great deal - in 10 years time he could be earning ?80k [don't know what sort of engineer he is or how much they get paid] and 16% of 80k is nearly 13k

etc etc

.

Read the post above yours where the poster has asked why is she leaving her vulnerable child for nearly 3 days every other week and goes out to see friends and shopping and to the gym and leaves him at home with the dd if there's been domestic abuse.
If that was the case you would do everything in your power to keep him away.

How by taking her away from her dad who loves her and loves being with her?
Sounds like the mother will just put her in nursery all the time and how will she still be able to do all the things she does now with no one to pick up the slack?

Yeh it just seems that 16% of a starting salary isn't even going to scratch the surface nursery costs let alone anything else? He surely can't be the main provider , so it doesn't make sense that his work should really be the family priority at the current time. But maybe I'm missing something

I feel for you you’re clearly doing the best you can and clearly doing a lot more than most dads after splitting with their partner. There’s a lot of ‘anti man’ women responding on this post, twisting everything you say and making out it’s all your fault. TBH your ex partner sounds lazy and wants to do the least parenting she can get away with! Also what kind of salary is she on to expect to be able to afford a house in London and regular flights to France ?!

I'm afraid your ex wants you out of her life and is prepared to see you mostly out of your daughter's life to achieve this.

I'm so sorry, but I don't think you'll be able to stop her. You sound like a great dad and life is often so unfair.

When you edit posts the old versions can still be read (annoyingly IMO). I would contact MNHQ and ask them to remove the old versions if I were you.

I agree. She has more feedback time than most mums I know single or married.

If you look at the OPs posts - see all button - he gives a detailed account of both parents finances

Plus he'll never be a higher earner if he abandons his career at this early stage

OP, I think it's absolutely fair that you don't want your ex unilaterally moving to London. I think going the legal route makes sense.

Having said that, I think you have no idea what a teacher's job actually is. Firstly, we have contact hours (i.e. the hours we're actually in the classroom teaching) but then preparation time/marking etc. Where I work it's calculated as 1 hour prep/admin for every hour teaching.

Then there's parent's evenings, meetings, activities, and so on that often take place after teaching hours have finished. So her classes finish at 4pm but it would often be very difficult to leave straight away to do nursery pick up.

It must be hard for her to juggle everything. Your daughter is at nursery during her teaching hours, but that still leaves around 15-20 hours a week of prep/marking/meetings that she has to fit in around the baby.

So it sounds to me like you and your ex are both working full time and similar hours. You are just conveniently ignoring all the non teaching-contact stuff that is actually integral to her job.

That doesn't mean she's entitled to move to London though. But if you do end up going to court and representing yourself, I think claiming you work way more hours than her would not go down well.

I also think you sound a descent sort of dad, and sorry about any unplesant comments you are getting here.Could you borrow money from parents to get a solicitor?