I've been so stupid, im scared to death

[Scaredashell13]

Please don't judge, I've made a horrendously stupid mistake and im so scared what's going to happen to me and my two children.
A couple of years ago I had a breakdown and started gambling again (I started gambling after my 2nd dc was born but stopped after a year with help). A long story short, in the space of 9 months I stole approx 36k from my employer who happens to be a local authority. They found out and I was subsequently sacked. I admitted everything and provided all evidence they requested such as bank statements etc. I have now registered with Gamban and Gamcare, my Drs have increased my medication which helped me get out of the dark place I was in. I considered suicide almost daily but my two children are the only reason i'm here. I have since worked on myself and have a new job and doing well....until today. I came home to a court summons in the post with a court date just after Christmas. This will be the first hearing and i'm praying to God I'm not sent into custody. I am absolutely petrified and have been sick with the thought of not being with my children (age 12 and 15). I'm so scared. I dont have any family, I was raised in the care system. I dont have any friends I can confide in, and im a single parent. What do I tell my children, how do I tell my children? I could face a prison sentence up to 10 years. I have reached out to a solicitor today and hoping they'll contact me tomorrow. I feel like im already slipping back into that dark place. Im so stupid and I wish I could turn back time. I just want to hug my children and never let go.

I don’t see why this attitude is necessary. You don’t know this person, and it sounds like she’s trying to make up for what she’s done

I’ve reviewed lots of theft/fraud against employer cases and it’s fairly common for employers to chuck numbers around. They don’t care, they want to see the book thrown at the perpetrator and they have shitty accounting practices (hence the theft going unnoticed in the first place). None of us can say whether OP took the larger sum, but it would be quite strange for her to lie. Her numbers have changed a little through the thread so it’s possible she’s mistaken or hasn’t really faced up to it, but you’re not adding any value with your Poirot impression here, just kicking someone when they’re down.

OP, the only advice I can give is to sit down and try to tell your kids the truth. You’ve had meetings with solicitors - have they given you likely odds of going to jail?

By minimising her actions? 36k then 47k then 78k, begging gambling companies to cover for her, hoping for a minimum punishment and only started repaying minimum sums recently? Sorry, no, that's diluting not being accountable. The first step is admitting the full scale of the problem, not minimising.

OP, I'll repeat, if you truly spent the £31k on work purposes, there should be a record of that held by your former employer or they should be able to obtain it. Are you saying you'll be liable because you took that money as well? Be honest.

Exactly, that post is just nasty for nasty sake & the person posting it should be ashamed of themselves.

@Scaredashell13 I'm still hopeful that you won't get a custodial sentence. You have children (who need looking after, by someone else if you were to go yi prison, there's a cost to that), you are remorse & addressing your addiction and are paying back the money (which you can't do from prison & not for sometime when you get as employment will be difficult to get. You're not a danger to anyone what would the point be?

hopefully your solicitor can force them to allow someone in to investigate the work expenses side of things.

Yes, exactly.
Not to mention the violent criminals, including actual murderers, who were let out early last year, due to prison overcrowding - one of whom, I read, committed another violent offence the same day he was let out.
OP - re: telling your children - I sincerely hope you get a suspended sentence, but you will need to prepare for the worst.
You can gently explain to your DC what has happened and prepare them. Be honest with them in an age appropriate way. Explain what has happened, and what might happen. Tell them you know you did wrong and that you're trying to put it right.
Can you put any plans for their care in place? This would be a weight off your mind at least.

I can't remotely see the benefit of a punitive prison sentence in the OP's circumstances- the cost of prison/possible foster care for the dc is not a benefit. Having her working, caring for her dc and repaying her debt is a benefit to society.

I heard about a problem gambler who tried very hard to stop. He used all the facilities available to prevent him gambling again but then was pressurised by the companies to carry on.

He asked for a Subject Access Request and was shocked to find that he had been targeted as someone they wanted to bring back. Presumably because he lost a lot of money to their benefit.

Might you ask the gambling companies for an SAR to see what information they hold about you and whether they deliberately targeted you to come back. Arguably because you lost so much money, they are culpable, particularly if you tried to self-exclude.

It might be mitigation for your case.

I wish you the best and hope that you will get leniency.

What a lovely person you seem to be! Clearly you have never made a mistake so I'll applaud you for that. As I said, I've admitted to what I stole which is backed up and evidenced. If I had stole the full amount then I'd have openly admitted to that as it would be so much easier. Again, as I said before, I cant evidence it as everything would be on my work system which I dont have as I no longer work there. Not 1p of the additional amount went anywhere near my account, it was used to pay for items for work directly purchased from suppliers. Therefore, it shouldn't be difficult for the prosecution to confirm this with said suppliers. The figure changed from 36k to 47k as I believed it to be around the 36k mark until I looked into my bank statements further. During the gambling, clearly I was not keeping tabs. It was only when I received my bank statements that I could identify and confirm the correct amount. So please go ahead and call out whatever you think is BS as quite frankly I dont give a hoot what you think. You have absolutely no idea what I'm going through, what led to this, how I've tried and continue to make amends. I asked for constructive feedback on how to explain the situation to my children, who are an innocent party here. If you have nothing helpful to say on that matter then go troll elsewhere.

This is what I've been doing, some have been returned and its a horrifying read. It's shocking what happens behind the scenes to people like me who are so entrenched in gambling. Things do need to change, I dread to think of how many lives it ruins. Most people assume drug or alcohol as the main addictions but gambling needs to be up there too.

It's taken a lot of courage for you to post this thread, and even more to stand up and admit what's happened. I genuinely hope for the best possible outcome for you, what ever that may be.

I've seen people ripped to shreds because someone is receiving carers allowance, when they might not be putting in the 35 required, and likely only providing 20 hours, whilst working full time. At worst a 'theft' of around £35 a week, at least they were providing care. The OP seemed to take real glee in reporting, and the perpetrator was completely vilified.

I really hope @Scaredashell13 doesnt get a custodial sentence though and I think it is amazing how she has turned her life around. Wish her all the best, I honestly do.

I think as others have said, it seems unlikely you would go to prison, and I certainly hope you don’t. But it is a possibility, so I would try to tell your children whatever your solicitor has said about the likelihood of that just so they are on the same page with you.

We all make mistakes. Hopefully this will all be in the past soon, with you working on repaying and moving forward and they will see that you have tried to do the right thing and faced up to your mistakes.

I hope you are shown leniency as you are obviously looking to learn from your addiction and the problems it has caused. Wishing you all the best.

Well done for owning up.

Well done for trying to put right your crime.
Well done for improving your behaviour and making a solid life again, Op.
I hope your children are not going to lose you; I don't think that they will.
Take the advice of your legal team.

I don't understand this, either. You don't have to explain to us, of course. If the 'extra' £31k never went into your personal account, how did the prosecution find out about it? Does this mean your ex-employer claims you stole it and, if so, wouldn't the fact that it didn't go to your account call that claim into question?

If they're saying they see the money going out, they must be able to see where it went. Your solicitor should be on this - or, actually, the police should be! You shouldn't be accused of a £31k theft with no evidence.

On the other hand - if you did actually take the 70-odd thousand and have been kidding yourself, now's the time to stop.

Well that wasn’t an ok thing to do which you know.

That being said the LA trumping up the debt is akin to trying to steal x from you.

So morally I would say your about even Stevens’s.

Good luck and stay on the good path ☺️

Keep in mind that if court proceedings go ahead, your actions since the incident will be taken into account. Slipping back into the dark place now would only go more against you and undo the progress you’ve already made, As of right now, you can prove you’ve taken steps to seek help, beat your addiction, remain employed and provide for your children. That should go in your favour, whatever happens. Relapsing would go against you and therefore you’re more likely to face a harsher punishment which would be worse still for your children. You said they’re your reason, don’t lose sight of that.

I have now registered with Gamban and Gamcare, my Drs have increased my medication which helped me get out of the dark place I was in

Just to add there's Gamstop as well-it seems to be the one that most people use. You really need to make sure you can't gamble again AT ALL. Really you need someone to take control of your finances-drastic I know, but if you have any cash available AT ALL you're at risk of relapsing. Especially with that debt hanging over you.

Probably do. Wasn't that the case with the Post Office scandal?

That part may still get dismissed though, as even though you can't prove it was work expenses, they still have to prove it wasn't.

Leaving that amount unreconciled is just lazy and anyway I’m suspicious because that must have totalled plenty of transactions so why weren’t they done?

I feel for u but id be surprised if they are lying

I think u will have stronger chance of staying out of jail if u were not spending the money on living a life of luxury

Yes, seems like they are saying "We cannot account for $X, Scared must have stolen it".