Is an own room required??

[sproglitsx4]

My partner and I have 6 children between us. I have 4D from my previous relationship, he has 1S and together we share a daughter.
My oldest 2 daughters (14 and 12) have SEVERE adhd and autism and require their own bedrooms. In my partners original court order (before me) his son has to have his own room (my partner lived with his dad before he moved in with me) due to a barrage of horrible situations and circumstances we moved to our current ‘4 bed’ property in December 2024 and my stepson has had his own room whilst my younger 4 daughters have had to share.
The contact arrangements with my stepson when we moved here were that we had him every other week end and alternate holidays including half of the summer holidays.
It has now been 9 months since we last saw him. My partner has court coming up and there’s a chance the arrangements may change, they may decrease to one weekend a month!

We have just been issued a section 21 because my landlord wants to sell and due to my older girls and their needs we cannot move their schools again (they have been in 5 schools since July 2020).
we have until December to find somewhere else and cannot stay till evicted by bailiffs because temp accommodation isn’t a good idea with my older 2 and their behaviours. This is now making us desperate as the houses here go so fast. I’m looking at 3 beds with potential for a 4th in a 2nd reception room.

My partner is adamant the court will not change their mind and that no matter what his son MUST have his own room even if he is only here 2 nights a month. My 12 year old is currently sharing with her 3 younger sisters and it has not been going well. She needs her own room.

What I’m looking for is advice…am I right or wrong thinking that getting a roof over my daughters heads and wanting the older two to each have the rooms they are supposed to have (note*we get the 4 bed housing benefit allowance based on my older 2 requiring own rooms).

I’ve not been spoken to once with regards my partners ongoing case in court for contact so can’t find out any information on what is allowed and what isn’t.

I offered that maybe on the nights he is here my 12 year old can sleep in her sister’s room, one weekend a month or even 2 shouldn’t be an issue.

Or can we not get a sofa bed and he sleep on that or he have our room and we sleep on that? So long as when he is here he gets his own little space. It doesn’t have to be his when he’s not here??

If this makes sense to anyone and you can offer help or advice it would be hugely appreciated. My head is totally spinning with everything at the moment and I just need a bit of guidance in the right direction.
I also don’t want anyone to think I don’t want a room for my stepson…if I could believe me I would…it’s just not realistic in the area we are and time frame we have. The houses literally go as soon as they are listed and I have to take into consideration everyone in the household as best I can.

Thankyou.

It sounds like OP was lovebombed by a homeless cocklodger and moved him into the 4-bed house that she had which suited her family (eldest two in own rooms, younger two sharing), paid for by the state.

She agreed to a bedroom for his kid (to the detriment of hers), she got pregnant with a baby they couldn’t afford or house (to the detriment of all of the kids) and now their circumstances are getting even worse because they’re going to have to move into a three-bed.

OP, the state has no responsibility to provide your SS with a room in your blended family home because your partner isn’t the resident parent. Under housing regulations, the state will provide you with a room for your two eldest with documented needs, and two rooms between your three youngest, plus a room for you (which could be the living room), IF there’s one available. If you choose to somehow cram your partner and his kid in, that’s your choice (and again, clearly to the detriment of your kids).

Your partner needs to step up and financially provide a bedroom for his non-resident child if he wants overnights. Court orders don’t trump housing regulations. It’s not the state or yours or anyone else’s responsibility.

So you already had 4 children, met someone who had 1 child, that makes 5, and you thought I know 💡let's have a 6th child...! Meanwhile the rest of us who don't have our rent paid for us and have bought our homes stop at the number of children we can afford to house. Solution would have been to stop at the 4 you had and not move anyone else and their children in, granted you can't send existing children back but why then have number 6? Unless you can afford to buy or rent a 7 bed house which by the sounds of you can't, you are irresponsible.

Feel so sorry for those 4 girls lumped in one room. Practically Victorian. Judging hard the choice to have another child. Why?

Thinking about itthe hard working young families in our little cul de sac have pretty much all stopped at one child. Us families with teens all have two. No one has more than that - because we are all self funding 🙄.

Maximum housing benefit is worked out on a four bed, which she had. OP now needs six but won’t get any extra funding for it. Obviously this means less room and/or less money to go around.

A court order stating a separate bedroom is required for a non-resident child has no bearing on how much housing benefit OP will get. There’s no legal case here. Non-resident parents don’t get benefits for non-resident children. Either her partner provides the bedroom or he doesn’t get overnights.

I’m late 30s in a professional industry, and almost all of my friends and colleagues are on 50-120k with two full-time workers in each couple. I know only one colleague with more than two kids and a lot of the younger colleagues don’t want any. We can’t afford to.

Posters like this are why so many people are pissed off about benefit increases and tax raises. It’s just not fair.

OP hasn't returned to defend herself.

We also don't know anything about her 4 daughters' father. I hope he is alive. If so, is he not concerned about this precarious living arrangement for his daughters. What does he think?

Agree Cindy. It’s ridiculous and unsustainable. These families can only get away with it because the rest of us live carefully within our means and pay our taxes to support them. To be met with “life happens”
and “don’t judge” from the left. This sadly is why the right are currently on the rise. They’ve pushed it too far. And was definitely left of centre myself not sure now.

Op hasn’t come back so hopefully it’s a load of nonsense can’t see that any sentient adult would make the decisions set out in this op.

I’m a lefty and I’m judging the OP hard. The children are not to blame but the parents are two irresponsible numpties.
I also agree that the ‘partner’ in this situation went for her to escape living with his father at the mature age of whatever. He gets a roof over his head, a housing benefit aimed for her daughters and a warm bed at night. No wonder he impregnated her as soon as he could.

@Cindyyyy My husband and I both work - always have and always will. We earn around £42k-ish between us pa so not much and cannot afford a mortgage so we rent privately. Expensive but is what it is. No government support and wouldn't want any as it OUR responsibility jointly as parents, to provide a home for the children we have (blended family). It is not the job of the taxpayer. We would have liked another child (our daughter is my husband's first and definitely last) but as we cannot afford any more he had a vasectomy. It's about responsibility.

This.

First paragraph in particular nails it.

@MissScarletInTheBallroom But the OP chose to blend families which puts her partner's children (and hers) at a disadvantage so it is jointly her responsibility?

She has the choice not to continue living with a man who insists on keeping an empty room for his son who doesn't live there whilst four of her daughters, for whom her housing benefit is actually intended, are crammed into one room.

It’s the court demanding this as a condition, not the husband. Obviously he has to comply with the court otherwise risk losing contact with his son which would be heartbreaking

Jesus, why would you add another child to your family when you cant even house the ones you have.

You need to give up your bedroom asap.

He's seen his son once in 9 months, according to the OP. The ship has very much sailed in terms of risking losing contact with him.

Regardless of her two eldest kids needs for their own rooms she would be assessed from a councils point as needing 4 bedrooms anyway considering she has 5 kids(a room for her, 2 kids in each of the second and third rooms and a fourth room for the 5th child) as it is she's choosing to lump 4 kids in one bedroom to accommodate her partner's son needing a room of his own although he hasn't even been staying there..personally her 4 bedrooms should be being used for the 5 kids that live with her permanently. the amount of bedrooms she ideally needs is probably five bedrooms if her two eldest have been assessed as needing their own bedroom but for benefit purposes local housing allowances only go up to paying for 4 bedrooms so she will never get a housing benefit allowance for more than the 4bed rate regardless of how many kids she has living there. Council won't even allow her an extra bedroom for a stepchild who doesn't permanently live with her and her partner. She'd be better off kicking him off back to his parents house or to get his own house where he can accommodate his own kids on his time with them. They chose to have another child they should really be sorting out the means to accommodate them all themselves rather than sitting there thinking they're entitled to benefits funding them all these extra bedrooms

I think at 12 its not fair for him to share when all his siblings are girls.

I think your suggestion that he could have your room in theory works but DH will have to check the court order as it must be awful only having him 2 days a month

I didn't read all he posts in this thread but so far I haven't seen even one comment from OP???

We've all been asking that!

If the OP isn't bothered it's a shame so many people are wasting their time to be helpful!!!

I imagine the reason your partner is insisting on a room for his son is he doesn’t want to take the slightest chance, even an infinitesimally small one, that it screws up the court process. I suspect once that is out the way, you can negotiate a sensible solution.

He gets his own bedroom and when he’s not there someone else can sleep in it. And please don’t have any more children that you can’t properly accommodate.

You need 6 bedrooms:

You + partner
14 year old
12 year old
2 younger girls
1 even younger girl
1 stepson

The only way you're going to achieve Universal Credit for something close to this is in two separate properties, giving:

Household 1:
You
14 year old
12 year old
2 x younger girls

Household 2:
Partner
Youngest girl
Stepson (visiting sometimes, isn't entitled to a bedroom under Universal Credit rules)

Even if you've got ways around funding the rent there aren't many six bedroom properties about - it'll be easier to find four and two bedroomed places.

If he is there so infrequently can she not just have the room most of the time and then give it up as and when he’s there?