Is an own room required??

[sproglitsx4]

My partner and I have 6 children between us. I have 4D from my previous relationship, he has 1S and together we share a daughter.
My oldest 2 daughters (14 and 12) have SEVERE adhd and autism and require their own bedrooms. In my partners original court order (before me) his son has to have his own room (my partner lived with his dad before he moved in with me) due to a barrage of horrible situations and circumstances we moved to our current ‘4 bed’ property in December 2024 and my stepson has had his own room whilst my younger 4 daughters have had to share.
The contact arrangements with my stepson when we moved here were that we had him every other week end and alternate holidays including half of the summer holidays.
It has now been 9 months since we last saw him. My partner has court coming up and there’s a chance the arrangements may change, they may decrease to one weekend a month!

We have just been issued a section 21 because my landlord wants to sell and due to my older girls and their needs we cannot move their schools again (they have been in 5 schools since July 2020).
we have until December to find somewhere else and cannot stay till evicted by bailiffs because temp accommodation isn’t a good idea with my older 2 and their behaviours. This is now making us desperate as the houses here go so fast. I’m looking at 3 beds with potential for a 4th in a 2nd reception room.

My partner is adamant the court will not change their mind and that no matter what his son MUST have his own room even if he is only here 2 nights a month. My 12 year old is currently sharing with her 3 younger sisters and it has not been going well. She needs her own room.

What I’m looking for is advice…am I right or wrong thinking that getting a roof over my daughters heads and wanting the older two to each have the rooms they are supposed to have (note*we get the 4 bed housing benefit allowance based on my older 2 requiring own rooms).

I’ve not been spoken to once with regards my partners ongoing case in court for contact so can’t find out any information on what is allowed and what isn’t.

I offered that maybe on the nights he is here my 12 year old can sleep in her sister’s room, one weekend a month or even 2 shouldn’t be an issue.

Or can we not get a sofa bed and he sleep on that or he have our room and we sleep on that? So long as when he is here he gets his own little space. It doesn’t have to be his when he’s not here??

If this makes sense to anyone and you can offer help or advice it would be hugely appreciated. My head is totally spinning with everything at the moment and I just need a bit of guidance in the right direction.
I also don’t want anyone to think I don’t want a room for my stepson…if I could believe me I would…it’s just not realistic in the area we are and time frame we have. The houses literally go as soon as they are listed and I have to take into consideration everyone in the household as best I can.

Thankyou.

Do not live with your partner and give the rooms to the girls that you’re paid to do.

I am guessing you rely on benefits to fund your life and pay your rent?

Landlords are increasingly selling up and avoiding the hassle of renting to a family like yours. New legislation in 2026 will make it even harder for landlords.

I suggest you prioritize your DD’s housing if your DP won’t agree.

You are all in a very precarious housing situation.

Oh come on. Have you met a women with a high flying job and lots of children? They are rare and they are intimidatingly competent at organising their lives.

OP, I think you need to be realistic. Hardly anyone, even people earning in the top 1%, can afford to house 6 children in their own bedrooms. This is why you are getting rather a lot of exasperated posters on this thread.

I would get rid of your partner and do what is best for you and your daughters.

Hopefully op is not on benefits and owns her house. The tide is turning on this politically I would not want to be relying on the state at the moment - god knows what Reforms plans are

Regardless of the stepson think you should consider sleeping in the living room and giving the bedroom to your daughters.
It is quite common at the moment.
There is a housing crisis and so many are not getting the bedroom requirement they need.

Actually OP has indeed put herself in this position by joining households knowing abo it the court order, and adding to the family with another baby. I do feel some sympathy. But.

Mass scale dormitories/hostels for those not prepared to support themselves

You and dp sleep on a sofa bed in the living room. He has your room. It’s twice a month. I agree with others saying they wouldn’t have blended families but it’s too late for that. It sounds a lot having so many people plus different needs under one roof.

There is a lot of rage bait on here today.

When looking at your next place, with the exception of the kitchen and bathroom, think in terms of number of rooms- rather than their stated function. You need to be creative. Go for properties also with more volume (eg higher ceilings) as they will feel larger and you might have the option for triple stacked bunk beds.higger ceilings are generally older properties - so it's a trade off.

A boarded loft (not a loft conversion) might be a temp sleeping space for you and hubby when dss is about- rather than a living space which will be being shared by 8 people. It's obviously not legal, not ideal, will be cold in winter, hot in summer etc and your landlord will not permit you to sleep there as it's not a bedroom.

Having a room taken up for a child you barely see while 4 others that live there full time have to share is absolutely bonkers ! I'd suggest that when your dp has his son they stay at his father's house again

Well what a shit show! You have 7 kids between you and are reliant on benefits? TBH in that situation you need to prioritise a roof over your head. If your partner wants a shrine to his son who is never there, he gets a proper himself and pays for it by earning more money.

choose either of your two options. They are the only available ones. Your absent step son doesn’t need a room kept empty, the kids who live with you need more room. Look to start earning enough to not rely on housing benefit then you might have more options

This would make him feel more unwanted than he most certainly already does. Treated like luggage instead of a beloved first child - just replaced by a never ending stream of kids who all take priority over him.

How wanted and valued do you think the OP's four daughters feel, having to share a bedroom so that one can be left empty for a boy who hasn't been round for nine months?

Since they only moved in last December, does that mean he's only visited once?

And then she'll be raising 5 girls on her own. And probably end up having more/blending families again and be back to square one.

Oh goodness. I'm a very wishy washy liberal voter and person generally, but this isn't a good look.

I hope this godawful situation spurs your children to do their lives differently and against the odds you've set for them. I wish them luck above all else.

Better to raise five girls on your own than to raise them with a man who is unrelated to four of them and who stands in your way of finding the most workable bedroom setup for your children because the son he hasn't seen for 9 months needs to have his own room in a house he doesn't live in.

But yeah, she really shouldn't have any more children, ever. Five is more than enough.

I mean you can be as rude as you like but this poster makes a fair point. The OP is also taking benefits to house her own daughters in separate rooms and not doing so. The OP isn’t exactly covering herself in glory here.

But OP never suggested he shares with the girls? And nor does he. She just said he needs his own space when he stays over but that it doesn’t need to be a permanent room, which makes sense. Either someone vacates a room for a couple of nights to allow him to use that room, or the son uses e.g. a reception room to himself with a sofa bed. Not hard to grasp the situation she’s laid out.

5 different schools, blended families, a house that isn't big enough and severe SEN in the mix - i feel so sorry for all these kids - why on earth did you have another one?

Hazard a guess from this response you are on the benefit gravy train?