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Original poster

Any family court solicitors out there?

145 replies

Spookygoose · 24/08/2025 11:06

I’m currently going through a complicated situation with my DD, who is due to start reception on 1st September. Her dad and I are separated and he is opposing the school I have chosen and refusing to let her start. I’m looking for advice about whether I should send her to school on the 1st or not. There’s a lot more to the story and we both have solicitors but I’d really like to get some second opinions, so if there are any family court solicitors on here who or anyone who’s been through a similar situation I’d be so, so grateful for any advice you can give! I’m getting increasingly upset and anxious about the situation. Anyone able to advise me I can tell the whole story in a further post. Thank you :)

OP posts:
Sweetmelonff · 24/08/2025 15:24

The detail you allude to is very relevant to the answer OP

Ultimately though no court is going to look unfavourably upon a parent who sends their child to school

As I say though, the devil is very very much in the details

Collaborate · 24/08/2025 22:22

You both have solicitors. Why are you coming on here asking for advice? Do you not like the advice you’ve been given? What did they tell you and why don’t you like it?

Titasaducksarse · 24/08/2025 22:44

Did you post about this recently and were awaiting a court date?

Sweetmelonff · 25/08/2025 06:43

Collaborate · 24/08/2025 22:22

You both have solicitors. Why are you coming on here asking for advice? Do you not like the advice you’ve been given? What did they tell you and why don’t you like it?

Ah… Might explain why the Op is so very “lite” on any kind of detail whatsoever

Original poster
Spookygoose · 25/08/2025 11:40

I just didn’t want to do a really long first post so nobody read it, cos there’s lots of detail and it’s a long story. Yes I posted recently but got lots of (well meaning I’m sure) but inaccurate replies, so that’s why I’m wondering if there a. Any family court solicitors or b. Anyone that’s been through a very similar situation that can give me some accurate advice. Obviously I’ve been given advice from my solicitor, who is mostly great but I’d really like a second opinion or a different perspective, but you really have to have an in-depth knowledge of the law or personal experience to be able to answer my question because it’s very specific and unusual. So if anyone is a. or has b. then please let me know! Thank you :)

OP posts:
TooTrusting · 25/08/2025 13:51

You need to provide all the facts before you can expect any remotely reliable advice to be given.
PS I say this as a family lawyer with over 30 years of practice.

Original poster
Spookygoose · 25/08/2025 15:41

TooTrusting · 25/08/2025 13:51

You need to provide all the facts before you can expect any remotely reliable advice to be given.
PS I say this as a family lawyer with over 30 years of practice.

Here are the facts:
DD is 4, 5 soon, due to start reception in Sept., her dad & I have been separated 2 years. We live at opposite sides of a small city (15 min drive) and have always shared 50/50 custody (not court ordered). At end of last year we decided DD would go to the school local to me, which is at the end of my street and v. good school. Early this year he changed his mind about the school (which I can prove) and applied for a school in his area (though not walking distance for him) which, IMO is unsuitable for DD. DD ended up being given two school places as each was in a different local authority (both councils, schools and solicitors are aware of this and have allowed the 2 places to be held). I tried to cancel the other place but they refused as it was DD’s dad that applied for it. Ex then took me to court, initially for a specific issue order to decide which school DD goes to. He refused to mediate and then added a child arrangements order alleging that I’m an abusive parent and abused him in the past and am abusive towards DD currently (all lies). Cafcass got involved and set the hearing for two months time. My solicitor requested an urgent hearing for the school issue separately, back in June but this was not dealt with urgently by the court. My solicitor and I offered to my ex that we do arbitration on the school issue so that it could be heard in time, but ex refused and only wanted court, even though it would seriously upset and affect DD, as she would have to start part-way through the year. She is beyond excited to start school, and thinks she’s going to the one on our street (I haven’t encouraged this), she’s also very anxious and starting later than all her peers will seriously affect her IMO.

My question is: if I take her to school on the week she’s supposed to start what kind of consequences would I face from the court? There is currently no order banning her from starting at any specific school. I have her 3 week days a week, ex has her 2. She’s with me the first days she’s due to start, I plan to send her on her first day. My argument is that I have done everything in my power to allow her to start whichever school she goes to on time, but ex has refused to cooperate with anything other than court despite it being months away, and I’m acting in her best interests by not letting her down or disadvantaging her on something that is deeply important to her. Problem is on the second half of the week ex has her and will go mad and is v unlikely to take her to school. I’m going to explain the situation to the school & see if they’ll let her come part-time. My thinking is that a judge is unlikely to then decide she should move to the other school if she’s already started at that one, when it comes time for court. Is taking her to school the best course of action in your opinion? My solicitor advises against it but has only said “it could cause more problems” but hasn’t said what problems. I’m looking for a second opinion, or any advice at all! Thank you :)

OP posts:
prh47bridge · 25/08/2025 16:40

My thinking is that a judge is unlikely to then decide she should move to the other school if she’s already started at that one

This is the problem in a nutshell. You are, in effect, trying to blackmail the court and pre-empt the court's decision. Your daughter does not have to start school until the start of term following her 5th birthday. It is unlikely she will be the only pupil starting Reception part way through the year. Don't make yourself look like the unreasonable parent.

Onthebusses · 25/08/2025 16:58

So, I've been through family court and can speak from this perspective.

What do you imagine could possibly be a negative consequence of you starting her at the school, from the judge?

Onthebusses · 25/08/2025 16:59

prh47bridge · 25/08/2025 16:40

My thinking is that a judge is unlikely to then decide she should move to the other school if she’s already started at that one

This is the problem in a nutshell. You are, in effect, trying to blackmail the court and pre-empt the court's decision. Your daughter does not have to start school until the start of term following her 5th birthday. It is unlikely she will be the only pupil starting Reception part way through the year. Don't make yourself look like the unreasonable parent.

That's one spin.

Another is that she is ensuring the child has a suitable, full-time education as per her legal responsibility, and her ex is seeking to derail this for selfish reasons.

And it does all come down to spin and who spins it better.

prh47bridge · 25/08/2025 17:23

Onthebusses · 25/08/2025 16:59

That's one spin.

Another is that she is ensuring the child has a suitable, full-time education as per her legal responsibility, and her ex is seeking to derail this for selfish reasons.

And it does all come down to spin and who spins it better.

Show quote history

In my view, your spin doesn't work as it ignores the law. Your first sentence about her legal responsibility is wrong.

OP's legal responsibility is to ensure that her child receives a suitable full-time education from the start of term following her 5th birthday, i.e. in January. There is no requirement for her daughter to receive any education, full-time or otherwise, before that. As her ex has PR, he is entitled to a say in the choice of school. As OP and her ex cannot agree the choice between them, it is open to either of them to ask the courts to decide as OP's ex is doing. OP is trying to pre-empt the court process. This is clearly going to annoy the father. It is also likely to make her look unreasonable, which will make the court less likely to give her the benefit of any doubt. And, of course, it is possible the courts will agree with the father's choice of school, so if OP has already sent her daughter to the school she wants, her daughter will have to cope with a change of school.

I agree with her solicitor's advice.

Onthebusses · 25/08/2025 17:30

prh47bridge · 25/08/2025 17:23

In my view, your spin doesn't work as it ignores the law. Your first sentence about her legal responsibility is wrong.

OP's legal responsibility is to ensure that her child receives a suitable full-time education from the start of term following her 5th birthday, i.e. in January. There is no requirement for her daughter to receive any education, full-time or otherwise, before that. As her ex has PR, he is entitled to a say in the choice of school. As OP and her ex cannot agree the choice between them, it is open to either of them to ask the courts to decide as OP's ex is doing. OP is trying to pre-empt the court process. This is clearly going to annoy the father. It is also likely to make her look unreasonable, which will make the court less likely to give her the benefit of any doubt. And, of course, it is possible the courts will agree with the father's choice of school, so if OP has already sent her daughter to the school she wants, her daughter will have to cope with a change of school.

I agree with her solicitor's advice.

Show quote history

I missed the part about the child not being CSA because that makes the whole thing void. She presents it as urgent as the child is about to become CSA but that's not the case.

Original poster
Spookygoose · 25/08/2025 18:00

Onthebusses · 25/08/2025 17:30

I missed the part about the child not being CSA because that makes the whole thing void. She presents it as urgent as the child is about to become CSA but that's not the case.

Show quote history

What does CSA mean please?

OP posts:
Original poster
Spookygoose · 25/08/2025 18:02

It’s easy to say the legal requirement is she needs to be in school from 5, but that doesn’t take into consideration how difficult it will be for her to fit into a class of kids who have already formed friendships and she’s the only new kid. She’s anxious as it is, starting late is only going to make it 100 times worse.

OP posts:
Sweetmelonff · 25/08/2025 18:07

so the child is registered as living at two addresses in order for you both to have been able to apply?

What advice has your solicitor given?

titchy · 25/08/2025 18:07

Spookygoose · 25/08/2025 18:00

What does CSA mean please?

Show quote history

Compulsory school age - so January 2026.

Original poster
Spookygoose · 25/08/2025 18:08

prh47bridge · 25/08/2025 16:40

My thinking is that a judge is unlikely to then decide she should move to the other school if she’s already started at that one

This is the problem in a nutshell. You are, in effect, trying to blackmail the court and pre-empt the court's decision. Your daughter does not have to start school until the start of term following her 5th birthday. It is unlikely she will be the only pupil starting Reception part way through the year. Don't make yourself look like the unreasonable parent.

It doesn’t really bother me whether it’s seen as some sort of blackmail. My only concern is my daughter and her wellbeing. The judge has to be solely child-focused I thought…so isn’t it unlikely they’d penalise me by making DD change to the other school just because I’ve pissed them off or been difficult?…if that’s how they see it. I was hoping they might see it as putting my DD first and doing what’s best for her. Mind you, they’re only human, I suppose they could see it as me being the unreasonable parent and want to punish me for it by ordering that she goes to the other school and dress it up as they think that school is best etc….so I really don’t know what to do

OP posts:
Sweetmelonff · 25/08/2025 18:10

Early this year he changed his mind about the school (which I can prove)

It is entirely his prerogative to change his mind about the school op so you wouldn’t have to “prove” anything as he didn’t do anything f wrong by changing his mind about the school 9 months prior to school starting

Original poster
Spookygoose · 25/08/2025 18:10

Sweetmelonff · 25/08/2025 18:07

so the child is registered as living at two addresses in order for you both to have been able to apply?

What advice has your solicitor given?

Yes. My solicitor advised me not to start her but also admitted they’d never been in that situation and wasn’t sure what consequences I might face, but that it might make the judge think I’d be unlikely to stick to any future orders that are put in place

OP posts:
Sweetmelonff · 25/08/2025 18:12

What are your very good reasons for wanting you school over his?

Sweetmelonff · 25/08/2025 18:13

Spookygoose · 25/08/2025 18:10

Yes. My solicitor advised me not to start her but also admitted they’d never been in that situation and wasn’t sure what consequences I might face, but that it might make the judge think I’d be unlikely to stick to any future orders that are put in place

Show quote history

What what the solicitors logic from withholding your child from starting school?

Sweetmelonff · 25/08/2025 18:13

When is your child next due with her father if she’s there 50/50

CracklingFlames · 25/08/2025 18:14

Out of interest, who gets the child benefit, whose address is she registered at for doctors? Has she been to nursery? If so, whose address was down there, who viewed, vetted and took her?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 25/08/2025 18:32

So i would think my process would be writing to him and pointing out-— he agreed school near you so you applied and told daughter she’s going there, it’s in her best interest to go, if he doesn’t agree he needs to go to court to change her school, he cannot unilaterally decide a different school, it’s in her best interest not to be confused and not to be exposed to conflict and a messed up routine, so you’ll be taking her to the school you both chose. If he doesn’t agree to take her to her school on these days then you don’t feel comfortable with midweek contact taking place so will be forced to keep her until his weekend, but can facilitate community contact after school. Please confirm which.

thats a very defendable stance

but if your lawyer can’t advise better I think you need a new lawyer

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 25/08/2025 18:33

I think your solicitor is giving awful advise not to start her as
a) your child’s educational needs won’t be being met
b) what will you do for childcare for work and
c) your ex will just start her at ‘his’ school, that will become the new status quo and then he’ll be able to argue she’s settled there and should stay there