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Legal matters

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Original poster

Any family court solicitors out there?

145 replies

Spookygoose · 24/08/2025 11:06

I’m currently going through a complicated situation with my DD, who is due to start reception on 1st September. Her dad and I are separated and he is opposing the school I have chosen and refusing to let her start. I’m looking for advice about whether I should send her to school on the 1st or not. There’s a lot more to the story and we both have solicitors but I’d really like to get some second opinions, so if there are any family court solicitors on here who or anyone who’s been through a similar situation I’d be so, so grateful for any advice you can give! I’m getting increasingly upset and anxious about the situation. Anyone able to advise me I can tell the whole story in a further post. Thank you :)

OP posts:
HappyHedgehog247 · 26/08/2025 22:01

get a new solicitor or ask your solicitor to consult with a barrister
start her at the school
document everything

everychildmatters · 26/08/2025 22:34

@Forgottenname Can't you appreciate the predicament mum is in?

TooTrusting · 26/08/2025 22:57

Spookygoose · 26/08/2025 11:42

@TooTrusting as a family lawyer, would you have any idea how a judge might react to me starting her at the school I chose?

Not without the full facts, which you seem to be avoiding giving.

Lucysstuff · 27/08/2025 06:30

TooTrusting · 26/08/2025 22:57

Not without the full facts, which you seem to be avoiding giving.

Show quote history

Which in my mind, indicates it isn’t quite so cut and dry in the OP’s favour as she would like us to think.

my heart goes out to this child.

any judge presiding over this case will likely let rip at the pair of them.

Original poster
Spookygoose · 27/08/2025 08:13

Spookygoose · 25/08/2025 15:41

Here are the facts:
DD is 4, 5 soon, due to start reception in Sept., her dad & I have been separated 2 years. We live at opposite sides of a small city (15 min drive) and have always shared 50/50 custody (not court ordered). At end of last year we decided DD would go to the school local to me, which is at the end of my street and v. good school. Early this year he changed his mind about the school (which I can prove) and applied for a school in his area (though not walking distance for him) which, IMO is unsuitable for DD. DD ended up being given two school places as each was in a different local authority (both councils, schools and solicitors are aware of this and have allowed the 2 places to be held). I tried to cancel the other place but they refused as it was DD’s dad that applied for it. Ex then took me to court, initially for a specific issue order to decide which school DD goes to. He refused to mediate and then added a child arrangements order alleging that I’m an abusive parent and abused him in the past and am abusive towards DD currently (all lies). Cafcass got involved and set the hearing for two months time. My solicitor requested an urgent hearing for the school issue separately, back in June but this was not dealt with urgently by the court. My solicitor and I offered to my ex that we do arbitration on the school issue so that it could be heard in time, but ex refused and only wanted court, even though it would seriously upset and affect DD, as she would have to start part-way through the year. She is beyond excited to start school, and thinks she’s going to the one on our street (I haven’t encouraged this), she’s also very anxious and starting later than all her peers will seriously affect her IMO.

My question is: if I take her to school on the week she’s supposed to start what kind of consequences would I face from the court? There is currently no order banning her from starting at any specific school. I have her 3 week days a week, ex has her 2. She’s with me the first days she’s due to start, I plan to send her on her first day. My argument is that I have done everything in my power to allow her to start whichever school she goes to on time, but ex has refused to cooperate with anything other than court despite it being months away, and I’m acting in her best interests by not letting her down or disadvantaging her on something that is deeply important to her. Problem is on the second half of the week ex has her and will go mad and is v unlikely to take her to school. I’m going to explain the situation to the school & see if they’ll let her come part-time. My thinking is that a judge is unlikely to then decide she should move to the other school if she’s already started at that one, when it comes time for court. Is taking her to school the best course of action in your opinion? My solicitor advises against it but has only said “it could cause more problems” but hasn’t said what problems. I’m looking for a second opinion, or any advice at all! Thank you :)

Show quote history

@TooTrusting i gave you the full facts in my second post, here. Not sure how much more info I can give. I think I’ve been pretty detailed here. What else do you want to know?

OP posts:
Lucysstuff · 27/08/2025 08:15

If you are being completely honest

what reasons is the ex giving?

Lucysstuff · 27/08/2025 08:18

My solicitor and I offered to my ex that we do arbitration on the school issue so that it could be heard in time, but ex refused and only wanted court

he alleges you abused him
arbitration is not advised where abuse is alleged

XelaM · 27/08/2025 08:30

Any chance you could speak to your and reason with him and appeal to his human side?

Original poster
Spookygoose · 27/08/2025 08:39

Soontobe60 · 26/08/2025 12:40

I think it’s absolutely disgusting that two supposedly adult parents have not yet come to an agreement as to which school their daughter is supposed to be going to next week. The poor kid is being torn in two between you both.
Shame on the both of you.

Would love to hear what you’d do in this situation…so you share custody of your DD, you pick an excellent school together with her father..all sorted you think. Then 2 months later your ex announces he’s changed his mind and he’s taking you to court. He’s picked a different school that’s in a horrible area, super run down that you can see your DD will be disadvantaged at from the get go, also, he’s now saying you’ve been hitting your DD and used to hit him. Which you know is lies. So you try and reason with him, why’s he doing this, can you talk about it, come to an arrangement between the two of you? Nope. He ignores all contact not directly related to DD. He even uses one of your messages begging him not to go down the court route as “evidence” that you’re a “manipulator”. So, yeah what would you do exactly? Just let your DD go to a shit, run down school where she won’t achieve half as much as she will at the other one? Not fight back against accusations that you’re an abuser? Would you like to be called selfish and disgusting if you were in this difficult and painful situation where you’re trying your best to do the best for your child with little support? Do you think that is helpful in an already stressful time where I’m in tears everyday? I’m desperate for my little girl to start school with all her friends (which are all going to my school) but I’m being told I’m not allowed to. I didn’t even come on here for support, I came on for accurate advice. What I didn’t come on for was criticism of my parenting and to be told I’m disgusting. I’m a single parent, I love my daughter more than anything in the world and I’m trying to do my very best for her in extremely difficult circumstances. You should be ashamed of yourself.

OP posts:
Lucysstuff · 27/08/2025 08:40

Spookygoose · 27/08/2025 08:39

Would love to hear what you’d do in this situation…so you share custody of your DD, you pick an excellent school together with her father..all sorted you think. Then 2 months later your ex announces he’s changed his mind and he’s taking you to court. He’s picked a different school that’s in a horrible area, super run down that you can see your DD will be disadvantaged at from the get go, also, he’s now saying you’ve been hitting your DD and used to hit him. Which you know is lies. So you try and reason with him, why’s he doing this, can you talk about it, come to an arrangement between the two of you? Nope. He ignores all contact not directly related to DD. He even uses one of your messages begging him not to go down the court route as “evidence” that you’re a “manipulator”. So, yeah what would you do exactly? Just let your DD go to a shit, run down school where she won’t achieve half as much as she will at the other one? Not fight back against accusations that you’re an abuser? Would you like to be called selfish and disgusting if you were in this difficult and painful situation where you’re trying your best to do the best for your child with little support? Do you think that is helpful in an already stressful time where I’m in tears everyday? I’m desperate for my little girl to start school with all her friends (which are all going to my school) but I’m being told I’m not allowed to. I didn’t even come on here for support, I came on for accurate advice. What I didn’t come on for was criticism of my parenting and to be told I’m disgusting. I’m a single parent, I love my daughter more than anything in the world and I’m trying to do my very best for her in extremely difficult circumstances. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Show quote history

This is all your version of the situation
There will be much more to it
and the court will get the full picture and decide accordingly

Original poster
Spookygoose · 27/08/2025 08:42

XelaM · 27/08/2025 08:30

Any chance you could speak to your and reason with him and appeal to his human side?

I’ve tried that SO many times. I get ignored at best and at worst he sends the messages to his solicitor as “proof” that I’m a manipulator. All I’ve tried to do was convince him that the legal route would be horrendous for all of us. He was controlling and emotionally abusive when we were together so I don’t know why I expected anymore from him

OP posts:
Lucysstuff · 27/08/2025 08:45

Op I am A little disturbed that you tried to cancel his school application yourself. A council that you don’t live under. An application you didn’t submit, and you’re 50/50 with her other parent

That action is not going to be looked upon favourably in court

XelaM · 27/08/2025 08:48

Spookygoose · 27/08/2025 08:42

I’ve tried that SO many times. I get ignored at best and at worst he sends the messages to his solicitor as “proof” that I’m a manipulator. All I’ve tried to do was convince him that the legal route would be horrendous for all of us. He was controlling and emotionally abusive when we were together so I don’t know why I expected anymore from him

Show quote history

I'm really sorry OP . I think posters on this thread have been awful as well and Mumsnetters love kicking a person when they are down.

I can only tell you what I would do (I also have a horrible ex although thankfully he doesn't care enough to go through the courts)... I would start her and your school and warn the school that she won't be attending when she's with her father, but to be honest I would revisit the 50/50 arrangement with someone who doesn't have your daughter's best interests at heart.

Original poster
Spookygoose · 27/08/2025 08:50

Lucysstuff · 27/08/2025 08:40

This is all your version of the situation
There will be much more to it
and the court will get the full picture and decide accordingly

Show quote history

I’ve detailed ALL of it in my second or third post. If you mean it’s only my side of the story, well yeah, that’s the only option you have. My ex was controlling and emotionally abusive. This is another game for him, he doesn’t care where she goes to school, he just wants me to suffer. And yes he’s willing to spend this much money and go this far to get at me. This is in no way my fault and you’re not going to convince me that I’m a bad parent no matter how hard you try (for some sadistic reason)! It’s shameful behaviour for what is supposed to be a supportive community. Look at yourself…you’re criticising a survivor of domestic abuse, who’s trying to navigate an impossible situation in order to protect her child. Shame on you

OP posts:
XelaM · 27/08/2025 08:51

@Lucysstuff Do you enjoy being unpleasant to the OP? Does it make you feel superior to kick someone when they are down? Your posts are completely unhelpful so what's the point in them?!

Original poster
Spookygoose · 27/08/2025 09:02

XelaM · 27/08/2025 08:48

I'm really sorry OP . I think posters on this thread have been awful as well and Mumsnetters love kicking a person when they are down.

I can only tell you what I would do (I also have a horrible ex although thankfully he doesn't care enough to go through the courts)... I would start her and your school and warn the school that she won't be attending when she's with her father, but to be honest I would revisit the 50/50 arrangement with someone who doesn't have your daughter's best interests at heart.

Show quote history

Thank you, I appreciate your response. Yeah I’m genuinely shocked at some of the responses. I’ve been on MN 10 years and seen people say some pretty awful shit, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen such hateful responses to someone who is clearly suffering. It’s really shameful, stuff like this makes me lose faith in humanity a little bit sometimes!

I’ve discussed with my lawyer about trying for more than 50/50 but she says I’m unlikely to get it as ex won’t agree and the courts don’t like to disrupt the status quo. They also tend to favour 50/50 over living primarily with the mother these days. My lawyer knows about his abuse too, and that the school thing is likely just another mind game, but, of course it can’t be proved! 🤬

OP posts:
Original poster
Spookygoose · 27/08/2025 09:07

Lucysstuff · 27/08/2025 08:45

Op I am A little disturbed that you tried to cancel his school application yourself. A council that you don’t live under. An application you didn’t submit, and you’re 50/50 with her other parent

That action is not going to be looked upon favourably in court

Edited

You’re “disturbed” 🤣 you need to get out more love.

The courts don’t know about it do they!

You need to leave this thread, your contributions are beyond pointless

OP posts:
XelaM · 27/08/2025 09:09

I sometimes think solicitors err on the side of caution and always advise you to play by the rules, but when you are playing with someone who doesn't want to play fairly, you're then at a complete disadvantage by being the rule-abiding party. If the worst happened and your ex one day decided to take your daughter and not return her, the same solicitor will tell you that there's not much you can do. You can't play nice with someone who wants to hurt you at any cost.

Original poster
Spookygoose · 27/08/2025 09:12

XelaM · 27/08/2025 09:09

I sometimes think solicitors err on the side of caution and always advise you to play by the rules, but when you are playing with someone who doesn't want to play fairly, you're then at a complete disadvantage by being the rule-abiding party. If the worst happened and your ex one day decided to take your daughter and not return her, the same solicitor will tell you that there's not much you can do. You can't play nice with someone who wants to hurt you at any cost.

Yes that’s a really good point. Something worth mentioning to my solicitor probably!!

OP posts:
Lucysstuff · 27/08/2025 09:23

Spookygoose · 27/08/2025 09:07

You’re “disturbed” 🤣 you need to get out more love.

The courts don’t know about it do they!

You need to leave this thread, your contributions are beyond pointless

Show quote history

Not yet
his solicitors will obviously bring up 🙄

Original poster
Spookygoose · 27/08/2025 09:27

Lucysstuff · 27/08/2025 09:23

Not yet
his solicitors will obviously bring up 🙄

Show quote history

Errr his solicitors don’t know 🤣 I told you - he’s an abusive arsehole, he would have told me if they did. Ooh bet you’d LOVE to grass me up wouldn’t you 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Spookygoose · 27/08/2025 09:28

@Lucysstuff why are you still here? Are you not embarrassed by telling a woman who’s been abused that this situation is her fault?

OP posts:
Lucysstuff · 27/08/2025 09:30

Spookygoose · 27/08/2025 09:27

Errr his solicitors don’t know 🤣 I told you - he’s an abusive arsehole, he would have told me if they did. Ooh bet you’d LOVE to grass me up wouldn’t you 🤣

Show quote history

You don’t think that he will tell his solicitors that his ex attempted to circumvent process and cancel HIS school application on the sly?

Lucysstuff · 27/08/2025 09:30

Spookygoose · 27/08/2025 09:28

@Lucysstuff why are you still here? Are you not embarrassed by telling a woman who’s been abused that this situation is her fault?

What? I haven’t said that.

Original poster
Spookygoose · 27/08/2025 09:47

Lucysstuff · 27/08/2025 09:30

You don’t think that he will tell his solicitors that his ex attempted to circumvent process and cancel HIS school application on the sly?

Show quote history

I didn’t give my name obviously 🙄 . I told them my situation and asked if I’d be able to cancel it. Let me guess, you’re a man, probably a bitter father who didn’t get his own way 😭 and now you come on MN taking all your anger out on mothers. Try r/TheRedPill I think you’ll have more luck there 🤣

OP posts: