Any family court solicitors out there?

[Spookygoose]

I’m currently going through a complicated situation with my DD, who is due to start reception on 1st September. Her dad and I are separated and he is opposing the school I have chosen and refusing to let her start. I’m looking for advice about whether I should send her to school on the 1st or not. There’s a lot more to the story and we both have solicitors but I’d really like to get some second opinions, so if there are any family court solicitors on here who or anyone who’s been through a similar situation I’d be so, so grateful for any advice you can give! I’m getting increasingly upset and anxious about the situation. Anyone able to advise me I can tell the whole story in a further post. Thank you :)

I taught primary for 20 plus years and actually made the decision that my child wouldn't be starting full-time education until he legally had to. He is August-born and I strongly feel that 4 is far too young for schooling anyway!
He's off to uni next month with A star A star A A A-Levels so absolutely no regrets!

I would send her.

However it would concern me 1 that he would interrupt her education by not sending her to school in his days, or sending her to a different one, which would be confusing and disruptive to her education due to the lack of continuity, and

1. As he has alleged abuse my concern would be that he wouldn’t return her as agreed under the guise of safeguarding concerns, and send her to his school choice.

If this happens, in my experience judges are reluctant to upset the status quo so it’s unlikely a return to your school choice would be ordered. I mean you could just collect her from the other school and I’ve seen some ridiculous similar tit for tat madness like this from people I thought well of (until they fell out over a co parenting issue!)

I’m not saying this will happen but it would be my concern.

Why not call social services and ask their advice ? If they suggest sending her to local school then that w9uld give you some defence against the accusations of facing judge hand

Why do you think the school the child’s father prefers is unsuitable?

If your main argument is that the child needs to start at the same time as the rest of her cohort for mental health issues, you will save yourself megatons of grief by just capitulating and letting her attend the school her father prefers. Anything else just looks like you trying to present the court with a fait accompli and my experience as a lawyer (though not a family lawyer to be fair) is that judge’s tend not to like this!

OP has her the majority of week days. Makes sense for school to be nearer to her seeing as by that logic she will be doing more of the drop offs, pick ups, sick days. Will be easier if it’s a good school within walking distance as makes it easier to avoid lateness, etc.

Better for the child not to be dragged across town and back for the majority of the week. Better for the child to be able to form friendships with kids nearby.

Why is the school OPs Ex wants better for the child?

I wouldn’t capitulate to someone who invented stories that I was an abusive parent - although IME the court will consider that these allegations might be fabricated, given that they’ve only been brought up now OP is disagreeing with over schools, and that until now OPs ex has been happy to let his child spend half the week with someone he alleges is abusive towards said child, without a court order in place - until this disagreement occurred.

If Cafcass find no evidence of this abuse, it’s quite possible that the court would probably consider that this demonstrates an inability to promote positive relationships with the other parent. It’s a vicious statement to make if untrue.

When we were 50/50 my ex-husband wanted a school for my then 11 yo that was a minimum of four bus journeys a day (I live in a village). I worked ft and a single parent. My ex was fully self-employed, fully flexible working hours, and with a non-working partner that could drive. I applied for a local school just up the road from where we live and about a 15 minute easy drive from his house.
This wasn't about the schools, however.
Guess which school the judge ruled on?

Clue: Not the one I had chosen!

🤦‍♀️

I'd do as your solicitor tells you to do why have one if you aren't going to listen to them/think they must be wrong because you think different? Whilst yes I don't reckon if you started her they'd make her move schools so there would not be that consequence. However it would demonstrate in you an inability to co parent. I don't deny he's showing an inability to co parent himself but you need to show the court that you are the entirely reasonable parent and let him show the himself as the problem. If you act in an unreasonable way as well as him or instead of him in the courts eyes then they are going to struggle to know which parent is the problem and that's where the consequences will lie as what they think in regards to who the more reasonable parent will have an influence in the findings and order/s they make. Hope this all gets sorted swiftly for your DD's sake.

So clearly there is more to it than the detail you have cherry picked to present on this thread

@everychildmatters oh yes!! Your children chose to live with their dad. That is why the judge sided with the father’s choice of school.

As ever, the devil is in the detail

They are 50/50 though. So they could easily swop things around so that Dad has her 3 school days and mum 2 if thats the only reason why the OP thinks her choice of school is better.

Is this the OP who has selected a language school for her child in her own language (English not OP’s first language), and the ex wants her to go to a mainstream school as he’s concerned that because he doesn’t know the language - he won’t be able to support his daughter with homework etc?

if so, Op… you don’t have a leg to stand on.

That would rather change the advice given, and would explain the legal advice as well as how it’s been possible to obtain 2 school places.

I think it is

And if so, this OP is on a hiding to nothing

That it may cause more problems. Eg. Ex may take her to the other school when he has her (so seriously confusing things for DD) and that the court probably wouldn’t look favourably on it because, while there isn’t any kind of order in place, the issue is undecided and we’re waiting for court. That’s all I’ve been told

On Thursday of the week she starts - so I’ll have her mon - weds and she’ll go to her dad’s Thursday

Your thread OP?

i get CB, doc & dentist are near his. I have been told that in our case that there things are not relevant though. She went to nursery, I think both our addresses were down and she was taken by both of us as she went while she was at both our houses. We both researched and vetted it

You really don’t want to confirm this is the issue OP

which is confirmation in itself

you do not have a leg to stand on

How did this turn out for your relative? You said the child was given a place at a school near the father. Did he/she then stay at that school after the court hearing? And what was the result of the hearing?

While we might agree, the family court do not. With respect, the reason I asked for advice ONLY from family court professionals or people who’d been through a very similar situation is that it is simply not correct that “I must send her otherwise I’ll be viewed as a terrible, selfish parent by the courts”. These replies from people with no experience, just an opinion, are really unhelpful and just clog up the thread. I didn’t ask for replies with opinions, I asked for replies with evidence-backed advice. Which I’ve got from the two experienced solicitors, who unfortunately both said don’t send her. It’s not what I wanted to hear but it’s realistic. Imagine I listened to randoms on MN saying “the family court will think you’re a selfish twat of a parent, you must take her to school!” Then I actually listened to it then got seriously penalised by the court. Yes, it’d be my fault for taking advice from strangers on the internet, but still, please don’t spout your opinions as fact just cos it’s what you think. You have no idea how the family court would view this situation

Her legal responsibility is to ensure her DD is sent to school in the term in which she turns 5. Even then though, she could opt to HE her. So it’s not as cut and dried as you’re implying.

Do social services advise on issues like this though? Especially if it’s not to do with a child they are already working with?