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Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Any family court solicitors out there?

145 replies

Spookygoose · 24/08/2025 11:06

I’m currently going through a complicated situation with my DD, who is due to start reception on 1st September. Her dad and I are separated and he is opposing the school I have chosen and refusing to let her start. I’m looking for advice about whether I should send her to school on the 1st or not. There’s a lot more to the story and we both have solicitors but I’d really like to get some second opinions, so if there are any family court solicitors on here who or anyone who’s been through a similar situation I’d be so, so grateful for any advice you can give! I’m getting increasingly upset and anxious about the situation. Anyone able to advise me I can tell the whole story in a further post. Thank you :)

OP posts:
Sweetmelonff · 26/08/2025 08:26

Sweetmelonff · 26/08/2025 06:24

Is this the OP who has selected a language school for her child in her own language (English not OP’s first language), and the ex wants her to go to a mainstream school as he’s concerned that because he doesn’t know the language - he won’t be able to support his daughter with homework etc?

if so, Op… you don’t have a leg to stand on.

Contributing posters

READ THIS

This is the situation which puts a very very different slant on the issue ie the OP doesn’t have a leg to stand on

EnglishRain · 26/08/2025 08:28

You need to confirm if that’s your thread or not, OP.

Soontobe60 · 26/08/2025 08:29

Sweetmelonff · 26/08/2025 08:26

Contributing posters

READ THIS

This is the situation which puts a very very different slant on the issue ie the OP doesn’t have a leg to stand on

Show quote history

Is this meant to be a link?

forest29 · 26/08/2025 08:32

Unless I have missed it, what is the reasoning for your school choice and that of your ex for his choice?

Original poster
Spookygoose · 26/08/2025 08:32

Katrinawaves · 25/08/2025 20:14

Why do you think the school the child’s father prefers is unsuitable?

If your main argument is that the child needs to start at the same time as the rest of her cohort for mental health issues, you will save yourself megatons of grief by just capitulating and letting her attend the school her father prefers. Anything else just looks like you trying to present the court with a fait accompli and my experience as a lawyer (though not a family lawyer to be fair) is that judge’s tend not to like this!

It’s unsuitable for many reasons - it’s not that close to where he lives - a 10 min drive, when there are far better schools walking distance from his house. According to him he picked it cos it was better than any near his house, that’s bollocks, he’s planning on moving to the area the school’s in with his new partner, that’s why he picked it. For some reason though, he won’t admit this is the reason. He doesn’t have any solid plans to move yet. The school I picked DD could ride her bike to or walk, is in a quiet, semi-rural area, loads of fields as part of the playground, small class sizes. Ex’s school has max class sizes, is run down, tiny concrete playground, on a busy road, not in a nice part of town.

From your experience of judges (although not family, I know) how would I be viewed and what consequences would I face in your opinion, if I started her at my school?

OP posts:
Sweetmelonff · 26/08/2025 08:35

forest29 · 26/08/2025 08:32

Unless I have missed it, what is the reasoning for your school choice and that of your ex for his choice?

The op wants her child to go to a specialist language school in the OP’s first language

the father says, understandably, that as he doesn’t speak the language it will exclude him for his child’s education so he wants a mainstream school

the father will be successful in court

Sweetmelonff · 26/08/2025 08:36

Spookygoose · 26/08/2025 08:32

It’s unsuitable for many reasons - it’s not that close to where he lives - a 10 min drive, when there are far better schools walking distance from his house. According to him he picked it cos it was better than any near his house, that’s bollocks, he’s planning on moving to the area the school’s in with his new partner, that’s why he picked it. For some reason though, he won’t admit this is the reason. He doesn’t have any solid plans to move yet. The school I picked DD could ride her bike to or walk, is in a quiet, semi-rural area, loads of fields as part of the playground, small class sizes. Ex’s school has max class sizes, is run down, tiny concrete playground, on a busy road, not in a nice part of town.

From your experience of judges (although not family, I know) how would I be viewed and what consequences would I face in your opinion, if I started her at my school?

Show quote history

Why the heck aren’t you including the main reason

language . You want your child to attend a specialist language school in your language

Original poster
Spookygoose · 26/08/2025 08:36

everychildmatters · 25/08/2025 21:26

Clue: Not the one I had chosen!

Omg that’s insane! What was the judge’s reasoning for choosing the other school?

OP posts:
Original poster
Spookygoose · 26/08/2025 08:41

Sweetmelonff · 26/08/2025 08:03

You really don’t want to confirm this is the issue OP

which is confirmation in itself

you do not have a leg to stand on

Show quote history

jesus 🙄 no I am not the person who’s trying to send my child to a language school. Different poster

OP posts:
Original poster
Spookygoose · 26/08/2025 08:45

Sweetmelonff · 26/08/2025 08:36

Why the heck aren’t you including the main reason

language . You want your child to attend a specialist language school in your language

Show quote history

Please stop derailing my thread 🙄 and embarrassing yourself. I am not the same person. This has nothing to do with language. English is all of our first language.

OP posts:
Whyherewego · 26/08/2025 08:45

Spookygoose · 26/08/2025 08:24

Do social services advise on issues like this though? Especially if it’s not to do with a child they are already working with?

Show quote history

Honestly I have no idea. But I think it's worth a shot

XelaM · 26/08/2025 08:54

Send her to your school OP and speak to them about her attending part-time. Your ex is being completely selfish and it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission and all that...

Ratafia · 26/08/2025 09:04

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 25/08/2025 18:33

I think your solicitor is giving awful advise not to start her as
a) your child’s educational needs won’t be being met
b) what will you do for childcare for work and
c) your ex will just start her at ‘his’ school, that will become the new status quo and then he’ll be able to argue she’s settled there and should stay there

Another way of looking at it could be that, if OP is putting her child's interests first, her best course is to send her to the school her ex wants, on the basis that, that way, she will be attending 5 days a week.

Ratafia · 26/08/2025 09:06

Spookygoose · 26/08/2025 08:32

It’s unsuitable for many reasons - it’s not that close to where he lives - a 10 min drive, when there are far better schools walking distance from his house. According to him he picked it cos it was better than any near his house, that’s bollocks, he’s planning on moving to the area the school’s in with his new partner, that’s why he picked it. For some reason though, he won’t admit this is the reason. He doesn’t have any solid plans to move yet. The school I picked DD could ride her bike to or walk, is in a quiet, semi-rural area, loads of fields as part of the playground, small class sizes. Ex’s school has max class sizes, is run down, tiny concrete playground, on a busy road, not in a nice part of town.

From your experience of judges (although not family, I know) how would I be viewed and what consequences would I face in your opinion, if I started her at my school?

Show quote history

Why does your school have small class sizes? I would worry about it being undersubscribed and whether that may mean that it will be closed down.

everychildmatters · 26/08/2025 09:19

@Sweetmelonff How's your holiday going? 😆

Sweetmelonff · 26/08/2025 11:31

everychildmatters · 26/08/2025 09:19

@Sweetmelonff How's your holiday going? 😆

A distant memory! Counting down to October half term now

How’s things with DH after he concealed £5k gift from you?

and you describe your sons, who chose to live with their father, as sexist misogynists… any improvement? @everychildmatters

Original poster
Spookygoose · 26/08/2025 11:42

@TooTrusting as a family lawyer, would you have any idea how a judge might react to me starting her at the school I chose?

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 26/08/2025 12:40

I think it’s absolutely disgusting that two supposedly adult parents have not yet come to an agreement as to which school their daughter is supposed to be going to next week. The poor kid is being torn in two between you both.
Shame on the both of you.

XelaM · 26/08/2025 12:45

This is not legal advice in any way, but the whole issue appears to have completely escalated beyond normal proportions with the involvement of lawyers/courts etc. If your ex and you have been successfully parenting 50/50 this far and you are on speaking terms with him, I would just call him or ask to meet with him and have a heart to heart chat about how this is affecting your daughter and just appeal to his human side rather than try to escalate the situation aggressively.

everychildmatters · 26/08/2025 13:32

@Sweetmelonff Sweetheart, your husband and his two sons are away on holiday without you! Always here for you x

OldGothsFadeToGrey · 26/08/2025 13:37

Spookygoose · 26/08/2025 08:09

How did this turn out for your relative? You said the child was given a place at a school near the father. Did he/she then stay at that school after the court hearing? And what was the result of the hearing?

Show quote history

Yes she stayed at that school, and 50/50 care was ordered to be reinstated.

Titasaducksarse · 26/08/2025 15:32

Spookygoose · 26/08/2025 08:24

Do social services advise on issues like this though? Especially if it’s not to do with a child they are already working with?

Show quote history

Do NOT phone SS. They are too busy to deal with something that, once they hear it's a private court application will not touch with a 10 foot pole.

Sweetmelonff · 26/08/2025 16:01

everychildmatters · 26/08/2025 13:32

@Sweetmelonff Sweetheart, your husband and his two sons are away on holiday without you! Always here for you x

Huh? That genuinely genuinely isn’t me

im divorcee
one girl and one boy

seriously im not joking!

everychildmatters · 26/08/2025 16:12

😀

Forgottenname · 26/08/2025 21:56

This is one of the more upsetting mumsnet threads I have ever rrsd

Such an exciting time for this little girl. She finished up nursery / preschool and all the talk will have been about school. Uniform and school shoes no doubt purchased.

And now due to the toxic shit show that are her two parents, she will no doubt be let marooned in day 1 with no bloody idea what school she attends and when she will even start.

Stately Homes thread ➡