Any family court solicitors out there?

[Spookygoose]

I’m currently going through a complicated situation with my DD, who is due to start reception on 1st September. Her dad and I are separated and he is opposing the school I have chosen and refusing to let her start. I’m looking for advice about whether I should send her to school on the 1st or not. There’s a lot more to the story and we both have solicitors but I’d really like to get some second opinions, so if there are any family court solicitors on here who or anyone who’s been through a similar situation I’d be so, so grateful for any advice you can give! I’m getting increasingly upset and anxious about the situation. Anyone able to advise me I can tell the whole story in a further post. Thank you :)

Just let your DD go to a shit, run down school where she won’t achieve half as much as she will at the other one?

I must admit I struggle to reconcile this with the fact that your school is undersubscribed whereas his has full class sizes.

Heavens, this Op is scary. I’ll leave you be

It’s not undersubscribed, it’s a small school with funding for 20 places per year, 18 of which are taken

👏 👏👏

If all the places are not filled, by definition it is undersubscribed. A lot of schools will have people on waiting lists as more people want to attend than they have places for.

To the OP: I've read the thread, and I am just another family lawyer, so you will decide whether to take note of what I have to say, or not.

Someone upthread said you cannot play by the rules when the other person is not - and to an extent, in child arrangement matters, I am inclined to agree. Particularly where the opposing party is an alleged abuser and appearing to use DARVO techniques. In the light of that agreement, and in that context:

You should take your little girl to school on the days you have her; you have justifiable reasons as to why this is in her best interests. I suggest you write to the father and set out your reasons for doing so, and copy his solicitor into the note/email (send it the day before school starts), and state you have issued a further urgent application to court to support the decision, as the delay is detrimental to the child. You may also wish to include a paragraph stating that you are willing to abide by any decision the court makes in the future, if that results in the school having to be changed, but in the interim, your child should start with her peers.

You should issue another application to court on an urgent basis for a decision on the school prior to sending the above note/email to the father. Ask for a hearing within 48 hours (make the application now - go to court with the form if you have to). Your solicitor should have knowledge of your local court and the judges, and be able to make a reasonable guess at the success of such an application (if I made a similar application at my local court, I could virtually guarantee I'd at least get a hearing - done it before on many, many occasions).

Whilst other lawyers on here have absolutely correctly identified that your child is not of legal school age, that does not mean that she does not have the right to start school alongside her academic year. A decision needs to be made one way or the other, and the court should not be delaying this, as delay is harmful to the child. The fact that the father changed his mind after the two of you agreed is a factor the court will look at, as well as the needs of the child in relation to the school type and which best suits her.

Yes, all the cautious responses may have a point, the father may try to retain her, or send her to the other school, but that could happen anyway. The court ought to have dealt with this element expediently and they failed to do so and left you all in this untenable position.

So you have your options: wait for the current application to be heard, or make a further application, and in the meantime send the child to school with her peers.

Can I ask if you have alerted the schools about the issue?
Whichever school she starts in after 1st Sept she will immediately be "on roll" at that school and if you inform the other authority and school they will then off roll your child.
And then they have to try and fill the space desperately before on roll census date on c6th Oct which will set their budget for 1 April 26 to 31 March 27. Just so you're aware that you two not sorting this out has a massive impact on the school and the other children already there.
However with PR her dad could off roll her and go start her at the other school. No they can not do part time at one and part time at another. Funding doesn't work that way (only for special cases for children with send or behavioural issues attending a supporting provision) It's also incredibly difficult for the children to manage at that age.

OP my apologies. My thread did not update and I had not read your second post.
I agree with Justanotherlawyer's advice.
There is a risk it will reflect badly on you though but I do not think to such a degree that you'd lose for that reason alone. There's also a risk that F will take her to the competing school on "his" days. I'm surprised you didn't get an urgent hearing and I'd re-request that asap.
Whilst you have given details, what's missing is F's reasoning for the other school. And how inconvenient/difficult this might be for you as opposed to the difficulty for him in coping with school runs to/from the school you prefer. The court will look at the OFSTED/ESTYN reports etc. I don't think location of DD's GP has any real relevance.
Has she been to the school nursery at either school? Does she have friends from her nursery or eg neighbours going to either school, or family members? Do you/ she have any connection to either school? Has she been to visit either school?
Also, are you saying F's chosen school is out of catchment for both of you? Will that impact on friendships within the locality or is everything quite close together?
There is a lot of detail to this.

Thank you for your advice and sorry for the late reply. My school’s term doesn’t start until the 8th sept, do you think, if I was to request an urgent hearing there’s any chance it’d be heard in time?
F’s real reason for the other school is simply to make my life difficult. But of course he hasn’t admitted that. His “reasoning” is she has lots of friends in that area (she doesn’t…she has friends near him but the school is a 10 min drive from him, she has no friends that are going to the school, she also has friends near me), her nursery is v. close by (she went 2x a week, no one from there is going to the school, and it’s not a feeder nursery for the school & isn’t affiliated to the school in any way), he also says she’s spent her whole life in that area and it’s what she’s used to (I moved to the other side of the city 8 months ago because he made my life hell there - our houses were 20 min walk apart and he’d constantly show up out the blue either to drop of DD even though it was his time with her & we hadn’t arranged it, or to demand to see her when it was my time). It was upsetting for DD so we moved a 20 min drive away. Since we moved she’s made new friends in this area (as have I), one is a little girl she’s very close to who’s starting in the same class as her. Also, the area she’s “spent her whole life in” is not the same area as the school’s in. The school is located somewhere she doesn’t have any friends. Also, she’s 4, the “but this is where she grew up” line doesn’t really make sense to me - she hasn’t “grown up” yet, going to school is where the growing up and becoming part of a community really starts. It would be nice if she could do that somewhere with a strong community (my area) where she can walk to school in 5 mins, rather than sit in traffic in a car every morning. Both F & I drive, taking into account morning traffic, for me the other school is a 15-20 min drive, my school is 5 min walk. For him my school would be a 20-25 min drive, his school would be a 10 min drive. Both schools are rated good, although mine has far better outside space and playgrounds. DD has 3 friends where we live, 2 already go to the school & one is starting in the same class as her. She doesn’t know anyone going to F’s school. She’s been to visit and been to a stay and play at my school. She went to a stay and play at F’s school. She thinks she’s going to my school cos I told her she was back when F was in agreement. Even though I no longer bring it up, we see the school daily and she always talks about how she can’t wait to go there with ….(friend’s name) 😔
F’s school is in his catchment area (he also says he plans to move closer to the school with his gf & her kids but he hasn’t told me about any real plans for this and hasn’t told his solicitor (as far as I’m aware) that this is part of his reason) his school is not in my catchment area, but my school is.

I don’t think F will take her to his school on his days, just knowing him, I don’t think it’s something he’d do. He will, however be very angry at me. In recent days I’ve started to think I shouldn’t take her to my school. I’m really worried it will be too disruptive for DD and will make the judge think I can’t be trusted and will therefore grant F, not only his school, but possibly even make his house her main residence. I think F knows his school choice is weaker and that’s why he’s bringing the child arrangements order and accusing me of abuse and being a neglectful parent - so he can get primary custody and choose whichever school he wants. He can prove that I went through a bout of severe depression 2+ years ago and he’s using this to say I’m an unfit & neglectful parent (I wasn’t, even when I was depressed) and am definitely not now. I was depressed because he was abusing me. So I went v. low contact with him & moved away. And I got better. I haven’t been depressed in 2 years and am am medication to control it. Will this still affect my case do you think? Unfortunately I don’t have much evidence of his abuse because all I had were texts but I deleted our entire chat history (stupidly, I know) not long before I found out he was taking me to court, and as soon as he had lawyers involved he stopped sending abusive messages

@TooTrusting sorry it’s sooo long!! ⬆️

Is the school you want her to attend private?

I only ask because you say small class size and starting back on the 8th is when my child starts back… and it’s private. Whereas all the state schools locally are well and truly back by the 8th

I'm struggling to understand on what basis a school would be funded for class sizes of only 20, unless it is a private school or an SEN school. You have to pay staff the same irrespective of whether they have 20 or 30 children in front of them, and standard per capita funding really isn't enough to sustain a school with 20 children per class. The only way it would work would be to mix year groups so you are back to class sizes of 30 anyway.

Not private no, just a small school

A small undersubscribed state school
I would be concerned
and it looks like your ex is too

@prh47bridge How long can a parent defer the place though? Not starting as agreed previously is not in the interests of the child. This place was agreed. The place might not be available in Jan and ex will have started dc elsewhere.

It depends on the date of her birthday. In one of her posts, OP says her daughter will be 5 "soon". Assuming she is not yet 5 but will be by Christmas, she doesn't have to attend school until the start of term in January. The position is complicated by the fact she also has a place at another school, but the place at the school allocated by OP's LA should remain hers until January, particularly since the school and LA are aware of the ongoing dispute.