Non molestation and child contact

[AmberV]

hi, I need advice, I issued ex parte non molestation and occupation order on 22/5, the next hearing is next Friday. Due to emotional abuse on me and 2 children and physical abuse to 9 year old son.

I’ve just heard from H solicitor, asking me to drop non mol charge and occupation order in return for giving me everything I want. He will stay away from the house for at least 6 months. However he wants contact with the children which I don’t believe I would have been able to stop contact anyway after reading this forum.

So I have 2 options, go to court Friday as arranged and then let him apply for contact and then everyone and cafcass would get involved, this concerns me as if they say children must see him on x date and they don’t want to I have to force them to if there is a court order.

Whereas option 2, can I devise a contact plan myself going by what the children ask for? That way I can say that if the children choose not to go at any time they don’t have to?

Is this contact plan something I can put together with the children myself or would I need to get a mediator involved so that it’s unbiased? or could the children’s counsellor do it as she knows them and they are comfortable with her?

TIA

couldn’t agree more!

Thanks for these replies. Early help have contacted me they are getting me support.

I just had this witness statement through from the childrens counsellor

daughters view

Described her relationship with Dad as ‘close’ with hobbies in common.
• Considered herself and Dad as a ‘Duo’ and saw herself as closer to Dad than to Mum.
• brother and Dad don’t have a good relationship
• Dad tells brother off more than he tells me off; and sometimes Dad gets it wrong and blames brother instead of me
• Dad emotionally and mentally abuses brother and hurts him
• Dad used to do some things to her that she didn’t like. She would ask Dad to stop but Dad wouldn’t. These included tickling her and licking her ear. Dad eventually stopped doing this after she continued to tell him she didn’t like it and to stop.
• she is aware she blocks thinks out when they become too ‘sensitive’; she keeps busy to avoid thinking about what is going on.
• she observed that Dad is nicer when other people are around and doesn’t shout so much.
• she observed that she pushes Mum and brother away. She fears getting too close to them in case they too will ‘vanish’
• she observed that when Dad did something bad to her or to brother, he would treat them. She believes this was his way of saying sorry.
• she believes Dad has a big ego and can’t see his behaviour as bad as he has to be the head of the family
• she would like Dad to come home and not to hurt brother or anyone

son’s view

Dad shouts and swears at xxx
• Dad puts his hand over xx’s mouth so that he can’t shout
• Dad hurts xxx by punching him in the stomach, kicking him, pinching him in his ‘privates’, scratching him, biting him and licking his ear.
• Dad thinks this is funny but xxx said it is not and it makes him cry
• Dad ‘play fights’ with xxx, twisting his nipples until they hurt.
• Dad deliberately trips xxx which causes xxx to fall
• xxx tells Dad to stop the above but Dad ignores him and does these things on a very regular basis, coming to his room at night and/or very early in the morning
• xxx gets up early in the morning so Dad won’t find him in his room and can’t hurt him
• Dad has told xxx that if he said something to Mum, something bad would happen.
‘’Mum would go to Social Services and you’ll never see me again’’
• xxx thinks Dad treats his sister differently and that Dad likes xxx more.
• xxx notices that Dad and sister are closer and spend most of their time together
• xxx finds it difficult at times to talk about what goes on at home.
• xxx feels scared, unsafe, sad and angry and sometimes wants to kill himself.
• Dad frightens xxx and xxx tries to hide from Dad by hiding under his bed, going into a cupboard or hiding behind the curtains downstairs.
• xxx finds it hard to sleep and has nightmares
• xxx wants Dad to stop shouting, swearing and hurting him

Stuff came out at his counselling that I wasn’t even aware of. Gut wrenching. Makes me feel physically sick

i’d be stopping contact completely based on that. he is abusing them both significantly and i hate to say this but he has all the red flags for sexual abuse. has the counsellor not shared all this with children’s social care? if not they MUST! these are clear disclosures of abuse to at they as a professional must refer in and let a social worker support you all as a family.
please get your occupation and non mol orders and don’t let this man near your children supervised or otherwise until a full child and family assessment has been completed by children’s social care and a written safety plan is in place with robust and tangible protections for you all. in all honesty i can’t see how a safety plan would look other than a contact centre or no contact at all.
i would not be surprised if there is more to come out but the children aren’t emotionally safe enough to talk about it yet.

Under these circumstances I wouldn't allow any contact. I would absolutely pursue the court order and insist on supervised contact in a contact centre. Even then I'd take the children but I wouldn't force them to get out of the car to attend. There dad is a sick and very nasty person. My H sad he sounds like a nonce and a sadio masochist. @AmberV you will never forgive yourself if you don't pursue the court order and something happens. Also, I would question your ability to safeguard your kids if you drop it. I'm scared for your children.

Thanks starrypineapple My boy said the other day that there is stuff that’s happened that he’s not told me or counsellor about yet. I said what do you mean that dads said stuff or done stuff, he said both.

This is an effing living nightmare all this. At least the children are happy now and safe.

I will speak to Children’s services tomorrow and send her the counsellors statement. I think the only reason she didn’t is that everyone is already involved. I was reading that in cases where family court suspect child abuse they can notify the police to pursue investigations

I will definitely pursue the court order, I have so much more evidence now. I will speak to solicitor tomorrow. I just still struggle to get my head round all this. It feels like I never knew this person. He clearly knows what he was doing was wrong otherwise why tell them to keep quiet. I think he thinks he’s just too clever for everything and can just worm his way out. We struggled so much to have children after 3 miscarriages and a stillbirth at 38 weeks, I just don’t understand him . I’m devastated

Please don’t do this! It’s in his favour not yours. That’s why he’s trying to do it!

If there is contact arrangement through court, the police can then help if he refused to return the dc after a contact

Argh, sorry! I missed that awful list. I’m so sorry.

I'm sorry op it's such a sad situation.

After reading the reports I have to say it seems a lot worse than I thought (Maybe someone can help you put a statement together if it going to family court? Not judging at all but your ops sound more like a you said he said and police will nfa thing. It sounds way more serious in the reports and you do seem to have strong evidence regarding child abuse.)
Is the non mol order for both you and your children? After reading the reports I would totally scrap my earlier garden centre advice! Apologies for planting that into your head. Stick to what is the best for your children and wish you the best luck ❤️

Lemonychocolate Yes, the non molestation is for me and the children. I’m still so worried that more might even come out as their counselling goes on, I just don’t know anymore.

BlueRin5eBrigade You are absolutely right, he is doing everything he can to avoid court. He is terrified of people knowing the real him. He was so against the children having counselling, I had to sneak them into appointments, I bet he was scared about what would come out.