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Original poster

DS damaged a car but owner grabbed him

314 replies

OliveTree75 · 23/05/2025 22:00

So at around 5pm I got a call from my 12yo DS who was playing out. He was crying and said I would need to come to the park as he dropped his scooter and it has hit a car. He was very upset. A woman then came on the phone and said whilst he was apologetic that I would need to come down to her house.
My DP went down and looked at the damage. Very small dint where handle has hit the car. Annoying but he said we would pay. When they got home, DS was visibly very upset. I asked him to explain what happened and he told me:
He dropped his scooter and it hit the car and he panicked. Him and his friends looked around
but nobody there (residential area) and didn’t know which house car belonged to. He started to walk up the street. The man from
tne house then came out and shouted at him
to come back, which he did. He said he was apologising and started to cry. The woman has then gone up to him, grabbed him by his back pack and pulled him back to her house. He said he asked her to get off him.
Now this is not just me saying this as he’s my ds but he’s the softest, most gentle boy and he did not give them any abuse and came back when asked. Whether or not this was the corrext thing to do, I went back to the house and asked her to explain. They completely agreed with his story that they shouted and he came back but they were worried he would run so she grabbed his bag and kept hold of him until a parent arrived. I explained that he is 12 years old and having a man shouting at him and a women dragging him is not acceptable when he was apologising, crying and was walking back
to them. She tried to say I was only complaining to get out of paying but I explained we’ve already said we will pay and the car is not what I have an issue with. I explained that my ds is grounded and we will be paying for the car. However I am very angry she dragged my 12yo ds. Is her behaviour out of line or am I overreacting?
She also accused him of criminal damage but she even said herself it was an accident.

OP posts:
Shmee1988 · 24/05/2025 09:45

I'm not sure as to why you've grounded him? If it was an accident and he owned up to it, why is he in trouble? The woman was out of order and I'd be furious. Youre not over reacting on that part.

Catapultaway · 24/05/2025 09:47

BitterTits · 24/05/2025 08:54

Maybe tell her you need the CCTV because you're going through your insurance. No payment without it.

Can you insure a child on a scooter?

Topseyt123 · 24/05/2025 09:48

I do hope you have phoned the police by now. They should not have grabbed hold of him and dragged him. That must have been very frightening for him. This was an accident, he didn't deny it and had come back to them willingly.

I'm glad you've realised that grounding him wasn't the best response. I guess it was a knee jerk reaction. Let him see his friends today if he wants or needs to, but perhaps suggest that he goes nowhere near these people's house for quite some time.

Topseyt123 · 24/05/2025 09:50

Catapultaway · 24/05/2025 09:47

Can you insure a child on a scooter?

Show quote history

No. Not that I know of. 🤣

I'd still probably say no payment without being shown the cctv footage though.

UpsideDownChairs · 24/05/2025 09:51

It was an accident. Sometimes things slip out of your hands, sometimes those things fall over. He was walking the scooter, not scooting it on the pavement which is already good behaviour.

Grabbing a child, forcefully restraining them, that is not good behaviour. That is assault.

I agree that you should ask for the CCTV as a requirement before you pay - they were parked on the street, it's reasonable to ask for proof that your son did it, not someone else, and that it wasn't pre-existing damage.

Dings happen - my car, which spends most of its life safe on my drive has accumulated some door dings from being parked places and other people being careless. I'm not happy about it, but accidents happen.

queenMab99 · 24/05/2025 09:52

Cars parked on the street are likely to get accidently damaged, its a risk you take. Insurance applications ask about this, so it is relevant. To be so het up about a scratch on your car, to the extent that you would treat a young boy like this, is ridiculous. She saw it happen, she knew it was an accident, yet still behaved in this horrible way! It shows how some people are just permanently angry. I would report this to the police, she needs to know this isn't acceptable.

its2346 · 24/05/2025 09:55

Velmy · 23/05/2025 23:51

If a child is 'traumatised' by being collared and shouted at for damaging property, then there's been a failure of parenting somewhere along the line.

They grabbed his bag to stop him booking it, it's hardly dragging him through the streets by his ankles shouting "Shame, shame!"

If an elderly person damaged my car I'd be dealing with them directly and yes, if I thought they were going to try and clear off they'd be getting gripped as well.

Show quote history

What is that “failure in parenting” exactly?

A failure by parents to condition their kids to be tolerant of being shouted at and collared? And how do you to that exactly? By shouting at your kids and collaring them when they make mistakes…? That sounds like abuse, not parenting, FFS. Honestly - I cannot believe the stupidity of that comment. You sound like a bully.

I very rarely shout at my kids, never hit them, never drag them or manhandle them - and they are polite, responsible and well behaved. Probably not unlike the OP’s son, who made a mistake, is 12 - a CHILD - and scared. I would definitely get the police involved if anyone ever thought doing that to my child was reasonable.

OP - he doesn’t deserve to be punished at all. He acknowledged his mistake. And make sure he knows the creeps who dragged him are thugs.

cadburyegg · 24/05/2025 10:14

It’s totally unacceptable. My son is 10 and often plays out on his scooter, if someone grabbed him because he accidentally dented someone’s car I’d be livid. YANBU. All over a tiny dent in a car as well. A complete overreaction. “Criminal damage”?? unbelievable. The adults behaved appallingly here.

TheFormidableMrsC · 24/05/2025 10:17

cadburyegg · 24/05/2025 10:14

It’s totally unacceptable. My son is 10 and often plays out on his scooter, if someone grabbed him because he accidentally dented someone’s car I’d be livid. YANBU. All over a tiny dent in a car as well. A complete overreaction. “Criminal damage”?? unbelievable. The adults behaved appallingly here.

I agree. She knows she’s in the wrong otherwise she’d hand over the CCTV. I’d definitely report it.

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 24/05/2025 10:19

Ring the police. Your our ds must have been terrified... They need to know they can't grab a dc... Likely the police will mention the cctv which likely doesn't exist.. But you could as a ndn. When my ds had a window put out the police told him to ask the ndn if any footage..

BitterTits · 24/05/2025 10:26

I was thinking either household insurance or maybe they could claim from you via their car insurance, but only with the evidence.

Charteree · 24/05/2025 10:27

I think you use this as an learning opportunity for DS.

Some people in the world aren't nice, if you damage property then you may well end to meeting not-nice people and the lesson is to be much more careful, and perhaps due to his age, immediately phone mum to get instructions on what to do when things go wrong, rather than walking away.

For example, I backed into a car and bumped it. It was chucking down with rain, mid December evening in the dark, I could have just gone. I didn't. I made the car safe and went up to the first house and knocked to ask if anyone knew the owner of the car I had damaged. I knocked on doors until I found the owner. If your DS doesn't have the life experience to know to do this then he must fully understand that he should literally stop still and phone you for instructions, not be seen to be walking away down the road. Tbh this is all in him. Of course the owners of the car were pidsed off and I'd hope that they would pursue your son for criminal damage if you go to the police.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 24/05/2025 10:34

Charteree · 24/05/2025 10:27

I think you use this as an learning opportunity for DS.

Some people in the world aren't nice, if you damage property then you may well end to meeting not-nice people and the lesson is to be much more careful, and perhaps due to his age, immediately phone mum to get instructions on what to do when things go wrong, rather than walking away.

For example, I backed into a car and bumped it. It was chucking down with rain, mid December evening in the dark, I could have just gone. I didn't. I made the car safe and went up to the first house and knocked to ask if anyone knew the owner of the car I had damaged. I knocked on doors until I found the owner. If your DS doesn't have the life experience to know to do this then he must fully understand that he should literally stop still and phone you for instructions, not be seen to be walking away down the road. Tbh this is all in him. Of course the owners of the car were pidsed off and I'd hope that they would pursue your son for criminal damage if you go to the police.

He’s a 12 year old child, they are the adults. You can bet your ass they wouldn’t have done the same to a 6 ft man.

And criminal damage? For an accidental dent that his parents are going to pay to fox anyway? Get a grip!

SirChenjins · 24/05/2025 10:37

Charteree · 24/05/2025 10:27

I think you use this as an learning opportunity for DS.

Some people in the world aren't nice, if you damage property then you may well end to meeting not-nice people and the lesson is to be much more careful, and perhaps due to his age, immediately phone mum to get instructions on what to do when things go wrong, rather than walking away.

For example, I backed into a car and bumped it. It was chucking down with rain, mid December evening in the dark, I could have just gone. I didn't. I made the car safe and went up to the first house and knocked to ask if anyone knew the owner of the car I had damaged. I knocked on doors until I found the owner. If your DS doesn't have the life experience to know to do this then he must fully understand that he should literally stop still and phone you for instructions, not be seen to be walking away down the road. Tbh this is all in him. Of course the owners of the car were pidsed off and I'd hope that they would pursue your son for criminal damage if you go to the police.

I would love to see them try.

Hopefully the OP has now called the police for advice.

TheodoraCrumpet · 24/05/2025 10:41

I'm sure the police wouldn't be interested in the 'criminal' damage. A few years ago I called the police when some youths (mid teens) were in the process of carrying out deliberate damage to the outside of my property. No, they couldn't come round. My DH arrived home while I was still on the phone, and I said something along the lines of it being okay, as he would see them off. I didn't mean anything more than strong words, but two minutes later the police were there hoping to catch DH mistreating them in some way. Which he wouldn't have done, other than invite them to sling their hook. So actually I think they'd be far more interested in the actions of the adults in this scenario.

Thisisittheapocalypse · 24/05/2025 10:42

SirChenjins · 23/05/2025 22:45

No adult is allowed to grab a child and prevent them from leaving - I’d be on the phone to the police for advice and take it from there. Your child made a mistake and the damage can be sorted, but they absolutely were in the wrong.

This

Lodge a complaint with the police. They have overstepped and assaulted your child.

MintTwirl · 24/05/2025 10:43

Charteree · 24/05/2025 10:27

I think you use this as an learning opportunity for DS.

Some people in the world aren't nice, if you damage property then you may well end to meeting not-nice people and the lesson is to be much more careful, and perhaps due to his age, immediately phone mum to get instructions on what to do when things go wrong, rather than walking away.

For example, I backed into a car and bumped it. It was chucking down with rain, mid December evening in the dark, I could have just gone. I didn't. I made the car safe and went up to the first house and knocked to ask if anyone knew the owner of the car I had damaged. I knocked on doors until I found the owner. If your DS doesn't have the life experience to know to do this then he must fully understand that he should literally stop still and phone you for instructions, not be seen to be walking away down the road. Tbh this is all in him. Of course the owners of the car were pidsed off and I'd hope that they would pursue your son for criminal damage if you go to the police.

I would say it’s a learning opportunity for the car owners that it is not acceptable to manhandle, intimidate and detain a child. They are the adults in this situation and to use your own phrase clearly did not have the life experience to handle things in a decent manner. A visit from the police might well help them to learn this valuable lesson.

Ddakji · 24/05/2025 10:47

I’m astonished that a child’s scooter could cause any kind of a dent in a car if it just fell.

So I’d be asking for the CCTV footage before paying out.

Iloveeastereggs2020 · 24/05/2025 10:48

I’d contact 101, that’s not acceptable

Original poster
OliveTree75 · 24/05/2025 11:02

I have called 101 and reported it. I should receive a call back later. Thank you for your support everyone.
Interestingly she still has not sent the footage despite saying she would send it last night.

OP posts:
MammaTo · 24/05/2025 11:02

I would probably sneak back to their house in about 2 months time and let the air out of her tyres.

CrazyGoatLady · 24/05/2025 11:02

I sure hope the OP doesn't waste police time on this. She's already told them their behaviour towards her son was unacceptable, and taken responsibility for paying for any damage. Her son wasn't hurt. Pay for the damage, make sure DS knows to call a parent straight away if anything like that happens in future instead of walking off, and chalk it up to an unfortunate experience with some overly zealous people, who may be arseholes, or may be fed up of kids in their neighborhood damaging their property and not giving a shit.

Original poster
OliveTree75 · 24/05/2025 11:03

Charteree · 24/05/2025 10:27

I think you use this as an learning opportunity for DS.

Some people in the world aren't nice, if you damage property then you may well end to meeting not-nice people and the lesson is to be much more careful, and perhaps due to his age, immediately phone mum to get instructions on what to do when things go wrong, rather than walking away.

For example, I backed into a car and bumped it. It was chucking down with rain, mid December evening in the dark, I could have just gone. I didn't. I made the car safe and went up to the first house and knocked to ask if anyone knew the owner of the car I had damaged. I knocked on doors until I found the owner. If your DS doesn't have the life experience to know to do this then he must fully understand that he should literally stop still and phone you for instructions, not be seen to be walking away down the road. Tbh this is all in him. Of course the owners of the car were pidsed off and I'd hope that they would pursue your son for criminal damage if you go to the police.

The difference being you’re an adult though surely? 12 year olds won’t always behave in the best way but I’m actually really proud of him.

It is my understanding it isn’t criminal damage when it is an accident.

OP posts:
Slightyamusedandsilly · 24/05/2025 11:04

Mayflyoff · 23/05/2025 22:13

I'd be asking the police to talk to her. That’s utterly unacceptable.

Yes, definitely this. A word from the police about what it is not appropriate to do when it comes to someone else's child.

IdiottoGoa · 24/05/2025 11:09

I’m one who is usually pretty cynical about the ‘report it’ brigade but I absolutely think you’ve done the right thing here.

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