Page 2 | Child arrangements court order

TheOliveMoose · 2024-12-29T19:40:36+00:00

Hello, I'm 29 and have a 11 month old baby girl My ex (babys father is 30) We split up when baby was 4 months old. Co parenting has not been easy. I've had to ring police on my ex numerous times as he was harrasing and stalking me. He did end up getting charged with stalking and harrasment in the summer just gone I was offered no protection so continued co parebting with me. It was okay for a while and now he's started harrasing me threw the phone again. I've been in touch with a solicitor about getting a non molestation order.. which she seems to think I will 100% get that! Next step will be going to court for child arrangements order. As I cannot co parebt with this man anymore! Our problem isn't really days and times, my ex is actually good at time keeping and turning up on the correct days. It's just the harrasing me and stressing me out Do anyone know if I go to court for child arrangements order will they help out with arrangements such as a contact centre the ex could pick our baby up from, as that's what the problem here is. I want nothing to do with him, I don't want him near my home and I don't want to meet him somewhere publicly to do the hand over either We've tried getting a family member to help and it didn't work, he kept over stepping the mark and asking them to pass on messages to me Also do anyone know how many days/ hours they will give him with the baby a week How it is at the moment he has the baby 2-3 times a week for anything between 5-8 hours a time He doesn't do over nights either, amd really don't want him doing overnights either! He doesn't even have anywhere for baby to sleep How does this whole things work, has anyone been threw this before

PureBoggin · 29/12/2024 22:48

Kitkat1523 · 29/12/2024 22:14

You have been given poor advice here OP

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@Kitkat1523

He is not "entitled to see his child". In the UK parents have no entitlement to their children but the courts are interested in the CHILD'S right to a relationship with their parent. In this case he is currently causing distress and harm to his child. If there is no third party to safely facilitate contact then a contact center must be used to ensure the handovers are safe for mum and baby. And contact centers are charities, not private businesses (certainly in Scotland).

What advice would you give Op to ensure the safety of her and her baby?

Original poster

TheOliveMoose · 29/12/2024 22:49

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My dad refuses to have anything to do with him

My mum has also tried to be middle man a few times and he does the same to my mum as what he did to his sister. Puts on the water works to my mum, or tells my mum to pass on messages to me.

It's never a case of, hello, takes baby, goodbye

Its all very draining, & you made a comment saying we should be putting our daughter first, I DO! Its him that don't

This is all because I no longer want to be with him, but I've never stopped him seeing his daughter. He just took advantage of it and I've had to put an end to it for now for my own mental health & well being

OP posts:

ElsieMc · 30/12/2024 09:42

I have been through the court process and non molestation order aside, I urge you not to apply to the family courts. This will take the decisions for contact out of your hands and you will have to comply with any order made.

We did public place handovers and even school. This was after I was threatened with physical violence. It was a disaster as abuse continued.

Could a family member on your side undertake handovers. A big ask though as they will have to always be available.

We managed doing this but it was opposed by Cafcass. Remember it is not just a judge you would have to deal with.

The courts will put the needs of your child first as they see it. One judge we had later on changed some arrangements as the stress on myself as primary carer passed to the child. This would not nor did stop contact.

Perhaps not what you want to hear op. But having been through the process can only let you know what to expect as the courts place the need of a child to have contact with both parents as paramount. I do sympathise.

thepariscrimefiles · 30/12/2024 10:33

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OP's ex has been charged with stalking and harassment. I don't think that it's OP who needs to grow up. She needs an arrangement to allow her ex to have contact with his child without OP having any sort of contact with him.

Lots of men start to show their true colours once their partner has had a baby as they think that their partner is now trapped and tied to them forever.

Original poster

TheOliveMoose · 30/12/2024 10:41

ElsieMc · 30/12/2024 09:42

I have been through the court process and non molestation order aside, I urge you not to apply to the family courts. This will take the decisions for contact out of your hands and you will have to comply with any order made.

We did public place handovers and even school. This was after I was threatened with physical violence. It was a disaster as abuse continued.

Could a family member on your side undertake handovers. A big ask though as they will have to always be available.

We managed doing this but it was opposed by Cafcass. Remember it is not just a judge you would have to deal with.

The courts will put the needs of your child first as they see it. One judge we had later on changed some arrangements as the stress on myself as primary carer passed to the child. This would not nor did stop contact.

Perhaps not what you want to hear op. But having been through the process can only let you know what to expect as the courts place the need of a child to have contact with both parents as paramount. I do sympathise.

This is exactly what I'm dreading! Him getting more than what he already does!

And no family will get invovled, my family refuse to deal with him and to be honest I don't want to deal with him or his family!

OP posts:

Original poster

TheOliveMoose · 30/12/2024 11:37

thepariscrimefiles · 30/12/2024 10:33

OP's ex has been charged with stalking and harassment. I don't think that it's OP who needs to grow up. She needs an arrangement to allow her ex to have contact with his child without OP having any sort of contact with him.

Lots of men start to show their true colours once their partner has had a baby as they think that their partner is now trapped and tied to them forever.

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Thankyou

I have done everything I can in this situation go make it work. But it's got to the point where I'm expected to take his abuse all for him to see his daughter and I've had enough!

OP posts:

PureBoggin · 30/12/2024 12:54

@TheOliveMoosewhere are you based. Cafcass is only relevant to English and Welsh courts. In Scotland most family court cases go directly to court. If there is concerns about the wellbeing of a child the case may be referred to the Children's Reporter who will look at the wider family issues and in some cases ask for the opinions of the child. This can not happen in your case because she is so young but they may speak to nursery if she is there. Speak again to your solicitor .

I don't think anyone is suggesting that the ops child has no contact with her dad. But the contact has to be safe. The dad needs to understand the harm he is doing to the child when he abuses her mother in front of her. Removing the direct contact would go some way to ensuring the child is not exposed to conflict. @TheOliveMoose I would also ask solicitor/court to recommend a Parenting Apart type course and for you BOTH to attend. You may not necessarily need it but it will look better if you also attend (and you also might pick up some useful tips for future communication with him).

Original poster

TheOliveMoose · 30/12/2024 13:48

PureBoggin · 30/12/2024 12:54

@TheOliveMoosewhere are you based. Cafcass is only relevant to English and Welsh courts. In Scotland most family court cases go directly to court. If there is concerns about the wellbeing of a child the case may be referred to the Children's Reporter who will look at the wider family issues and in some cases ask for the opinions of the child. This can not happen in your case because she is so young but they may speak to nursery if she is there. Speak again to your solicitor .

I don't think anyone is suggesting that the ops child has no contact with her dad. But the contact has to be safe. The dad needs to understand the harm he is doing to the child when he abuses her mother in front of her. Removing the direct contact would go some way to ensuring the child is not exposed to conflict. @TheOliveMoose I would also ask solicitor/court to recommend a Parenting Apart type course and for you BOTH to attend. You may not necessarily need it but it will look better if you also attend (and you also might pick up some useful tips for future communication with him).

I'm from Wales

And yes I'm not saying baby should see her father. But how it is at moment it's not nice for the baby especially when she's older but not nice for me either, I'm mentally drained I feel defeated

OP posts: