Child arrangements court order

[TheOliveMoose]

Hello, I'm 29 and have a 11 month old baby girl

My ex (babys father is 30)

We split up when baby was 4 months old. Co parenting has not been easy. I've had to ring police on my ex numerous times as he was harrasing and stalking me. He did end up getting charged with stalking and harrasment in the summer just gone

I was offered no protection so continued co parebting with me. It was okay for a while and now he's started harrasing me threw the phone again.

I've been in touch with a solicitor about getting a non molestation order.. which she seems to think I will 100% get that!

Next step will be going to court for child arrangements order. As I cannot co parebt with this man anymore!

Our problem isn't really days and times, my ex is actually good at time keeping and turning up on the correct days.

It's just the harrasing me and stressing me out

Do anyone know if I go to court for child arrangements order will they help out with arrangements such as a contact centre the ex could pick our baby up from, as that's what the problem here is. I want nothing to do with him, I don't want him near my home and I don't want to meet him somewhere publicly to do the hand over either

We've tried getting a family member to help and it didn't work, he kept over stepping the mark and asking them to pass on messages to me

Also do anyone know how many days/ hours they will give him with the baby a week

How it is at the moment he has the baby 2-3 times a week for anything between 5-8 hours a time

He doesn't do over nights either, amd really don't want him doing overnights either! He doesn't even have anywhere for baby to sleep

How does this whole things work, has anyone been threw this before

I'm from Wales

And yes I'm not saying baby should see her father. But how it is at moment it's not nice for the baby especially when she's older but not nice for me either, I'm mentally drained I feel defeated

@TheOliveMoosewhere are you based. Cafcass is only relevant to English and Welsh courts. In Scotland most family court cases go directly to court. If there is concerns about the wellbeing of a child the case may be referred to the Children's Reporter who will look at the wider family issues and in some cases ask for the opinions of the child. This can not happen in your case because she is so young but they may speak to nursery if she is there. Speak again to your solicitor .

I don't think anyone is suggesting that the ops child has no contact with her dad. But the contact has to be safe. The dad needs to understand the harm he is doing to the child when he abuses her mother in front of her. Removing the direct contact would go some way to ensuring the child is not exposed to conflict. @TheOliveMoose I would also ask solicitor/court to recommend a Parenting Apart type course and for you BOTH to attend. You may not necessarily need it but it will look better if you also attend (and you also might pick up some useful tips for future communication with him).

Thankyou

I have done everything I can in this situation go make it work. But it's got to the point where I'm expected to take his abuse all for him to see his daughter and I've had enough!

This is exactly what I'm dreading! Him getting more than what he already does!

And no family will get invovled, my family refuse to deal with him and to be honest I don't want to deal with him or his family!

OP's ex has been charged with stalking and harassment. I don't think that it's OP who needs to grow up. She needs an arrangement to allow her ex to have contact with his child without OP having any sort of contact with him.

Lots of men start to show their true colours once their partner has had a baby as they think that their partner is now trapped and tied to them forever.

I have been through the court process and non molestation order aside, I urge you not to apply to the family courts. This will take the decisions for contact out of your hands and you will have to comply with any order made.

We did public place handovers and even school. This was after I was threatened with physical violence. It was a disaster as abuse continued.

Could a family member on your side undertake handovers. A big ask though as they will have to always be available.

We managed doing this but it was opposed by Cafcass. Remember it is not just a judge you would have to deal with.

The courts will put the needs of your child first as they see it. One judge we had later on changed some arrangements as the stress on myself as primary carer passed to the child. This would not nor did stop contact.

Perhaps not what you want to hear op. But having been through the process can only let you know what to expect as the courts place the need of a child to have contact with both parents as paramount. I do sympathise.

My dad refuses to have anything to do with him

My mum has also tried to be middle man a few times and he does the same to my mum as what he did to his sister. Puts on the water works to my mum, or tells my mum to pass on messages to me.

It's never a case of, hello, takes baby, goodbye

Its all very draining, & you made a comment saying we should be putting our daughter first, I DO! Its him that don't

This is all because I no longer want to be with him, but I've never stopped him seeing his daughter. He just took advantage of it and I've had to put an end to it for now for my own mental health & well being

@Kitkat1523

He is not "entitled to see his child". In the UK parents have no entitlement to their children but the courts are interested in the CHILD'S right to a relationship with their parent. In this case he is currently causing distress and harm to his child. If there is no third party to safely facilitate contact then a contact center must be used to ensure the handovers are safe for mum and baby. And contact centers are charities, not private businesses (certainly in Scotland).

What advice would you give Op to ensure the safety of her and her baby?

I have no idea why police didn't offer me a proper restraining order. I was baffled when he got charged and I wasn't offered one

And yes his sister was the middle man for us for a while. She constantly kept passing on messages to me from him. He has a way in his family of getting what he wants and everyone does as he says.

But really she should of told him she's picking the baby up and that's it

That's ridiculous

So taking the baby who is sat in her pram and then following me down the street shouting abuse at me, whilst our baby is in HIS care isn't going to effect the baby

Calling me a fat wh a dirty s on the door step every time he picks up our daughter isn't going to effect the baby?

This is crazy

@TheOliveMoose there is absolutely no need to be rude. Using contact centres is not the norm so if the poster has no knowledge how are they going to know without asking the question?
For contact centres to be used, every other option has usually had to be explored.
You said a family member supported in the past? Why did they pass the messages on?
If he was convicted of harassment, he wasn't an injunction or a restraining order put in place?
If you are applying for a non molestation order he may contest it so it will be good if you can have police evidence.

You have been given poor advice here OP

It would only go thru a contact centre ( a private one) if you are prepared to pay for it…..otherwise the onus will be on you to arrange a 3rd party to hand your child over…..regardless of what your ex does, as long as he poses no known risk to your child, he will be entitled to see his child

That end sentence!

Thankyou, I have stopped contact for now.

Solicitor is ment to be contacting me somtime in the week. And once I have the non mol that should take alot of the stress away!

He will have to sort child arrangements himself, just hope that if it did go to court I wouldn't be made to do hand overs with him. I don't like him and don't want to be in his company for even 2 seconds

Given the level of harassment you are experiencing I would advise stopping all contact. It is not good for you or your child to be experiencing this. She's young but not too young to be disturbed but this conflict.

Stop contact for now, get the non-molestation order, report every incident of harassment and/or abuse. Offer contact in a contact centre now but tell him he will need to pay the fees. If he doesn't agree then he can go to court for contact. He needs to understand that this behaviour can't go on if he wants a relationship with his child. He is hurting her by hurting you.

Both parties are expected to pay. In Scotland legal aid can be used for court ordered child contact in a contact centre including handovers.

I really don't know or care what you have or haven't heard of

I don't know you enough to understand why you hadn't heard of it before.

It is more than ridiculous I would say.
I ended up with broken bones at one handover. Of course contact centre was "unnecessary". Btw same judge asked me to have a think what I could learn from the relationship. I still don't know the answer. Maybe it's I should have signed up for boxing? Luckily you won't meet this judge, they've retired.

@TheOliveMoose why would I have heard of them? They're not a usual arrangement at all. I have heard of contact centres for supervised contact.

I asked because you mentioned you'd never heard of drop off/pick up centres.

And I don't think I would be made to pay, I'm guessing him. It definitely won't be free that's for sure

Yes, I am..... Odd question. So who will pay for that? Him?

This is what I thought. Really he should be the one taking me to court as I'm the one who have stopped contact

I'm trying to get the non molestation order and then I'll leave it up to him how he sees his daughter. It won't be my problem

Yes this is a service some contact centres provide, for a fee