Baby Removed at Birth Support

[Mumtobe799]

Hello

This is extremely controversial and I feel embarrassed posting but I’m looking for a bit of help. I am due to give birth within the next few weeks and after Social Services involvement throughout my pregnancy, I have been told they will be removing my baby at birth. Baby will be placed with their Dad under an interim court order whilst assessments are ongoing.

Does anybody know what removal at birth actually means? My baby and I will need to stay in hospital for a few days, is it likely I will be able to stay with them or will they likely split us up? These are questions I have asked Social Services but they will not give me an answer.

I would like to breast feed; is this something Social Services have to support as it is in the best interest of baby. My baby is being removed due to mental health concerns, no issues around substance or alcohol abuse so that being in breast milk isn’t a worry.

If anyone with any legal experience or people who may have gone through or know someone who has gone through something similar can help I would really appreciate it. Thank you.

Meant to say that social services are rightly risk averse. They will hope for the best but have to consider all possible scenarios.

Oh OP. 💐 I don't have any advice, I just hope things get better for you and your little ones. ❤️

I understand as I’ve experienced feeling like people are trying to harm me and baby. I still have worries around certain professionals (I am absolutely petrified of emergency services for instance).

I’ve never experienced a sudden change though, it’s always been gradual with me. Even after birth of first baby I was ok for a few days. I honestly don’t know what I’d do if they tried to remove my baby directly after birth, I don’t even think I could get myself to hospital to have them as I’d be in such a state.

I'm sorry I have no advice but wanted to say that I wish you all the best OP. You are clearly trying hard and you sound like a mum who really wants the best for your kids.

I hope your situation improves and that you are able to find stability after the birth and have a good relationship with baby.

You didn't ask for this and you're trying your best.

I'm so sorry OP, it sounds like you're doing everything you can in the best interests of your baby and I hope you stay as healthy as possible postnatally and this resolves quickly for you.
I don't have any advice to offer but I'm sure the reason you don't have any definitive answers yet is because no one knows how well you'll be after birth until that point comes. You could maybe explain at your meetings today knowing every eventuality would help you cope at this point.

In the 60s, my Mum was put in the care of her Auntie after birth for the same reasons. She returned to her parents home at 6 months old.
My Grandma was diagnosed with BPD when my Mum was in her late 30s.

I wanted to tell you this story because even though they were separated for the first few months they ended up with a lovely bond. Called each other every day.

Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. PPP is not something that is self-inflicted, you're unwell and you need time for your body and mind to recover.

I have no legal advice to offer you - sorry.
I just wanted to reach out to you as a fellow survivor of post partum psychosis. My episode was over 20 years ago and I was admitted to a 24 hour psychiatric ward which was the most traumatic experience I have experienced.
i was then taken to a mother and baby unit. Is this an option for you?

Also are you able to access counselling at all? Is someone looking after you?

Please remember that you have every right to be a mother. It took a long time for me to accept this.

I wish you well xx

There is a project in the North East I have read about in The Guardian that works with women who have had children removed at birth.

I'm afraid that I cant find the link right now.

The issue is though that they mostly have untreated MH issues, if they had sufficient support from family & friends to look after the baby they would then get treated as a priority case but because they have no support the baby is removed so they go back in the queue.

The legal argument is that the baby's right to family life is being breached because they dont get to live with their mother simply because she has untreated MH issues.

I'm so sorry that you are in this very difficult position, OP, and I respect your approach to gathering as much information as possible to prepare.

I don't know anything about the specifics of your situation and you've had great advice from much more knowledgeable posters than me. I will just add that Kendamil infant formula is kosher and relatively easy to get hold of. It would be sensible to have a plan in place for baby to be fed as much expressed breastmilk as possible (withdrawal permitting) in combination with a suitable kosher formula. Exclusive expressing is very difficult and the additional pressure on you to continue producing milk day and night will be unhelpful to your recovery.

I wish you a swift return to good health and all the very best for your baby

This. Im concerned that the advice given here might not be accurate as it is not taking her personal situation into account.

Have they spoken about the possibility of a mother and baby residential unit where you could stay together with support and supervision? Can your solicitor ask about this?

I have no advice to give you I hope you recover soon and can be reunited with your baby girl once you're well enough

I had Post Partum Psychosis, then Peri Partum Psychosis during this pregnancy. I tried to hurt myself which as I’m pregnant is concern.

I was taking medication due to the Peri Partum Psychosis during my pregnancy.

I might get baby back, they want to temporarily place with the Dad under an interim care order while assessments are ongoing.

There’s no other concerns; I have a supportive family, home, financial stability, no drug or alcohol issues. I was just very, very unwell after the birth of my first child and unfortunately the same during this pregnancy.

I understand if you don't answer but may I ask why you haven't got custody of your first child? That must be hard.

I’m so sorry for the position you’re in, I have a friend who had post partum psychosis and it was horrific so you have my most sincere sympathy.

I thought it might be helpful to hear a different perspective but do report and delete this if you don’t want it (it’s also not the same as your situation so take / leave what you want / need).

I have two adopted boys, both of whom were removed from birth mum at birth. The oldest stayed for a couple of days in hospital with mum, basically because he was born at the beginning of a run of bank holidays, the second was removed to foster care immediately. The two of them have some contact with birth family (letters with mum because of her issues and a lot of face to face with siblings). They both have some issues, some related to adoption / attachment and some not. But they’re both fine, they’re amazing, resilient, loving, funny, warm kids and we all really value and care about the person who brought them into this world.

You sound like a person who is doing their best for this child and that’s the most selfless thing ever, I understand that this isn’t your choice but with openness, patience and unconditional love they will be OK. I’m sorry if I’ve missed it but I hope you’re able to play some part in the child’s life. I hope you are able to experience a remission in your illness soon, psychosis is a scary thing to experience.

I had post partum psychosis but unfortunately it wasn’t treated quickly and I ended up very poorly for nearly a year. Social Services became involved and ultimately placed older child with Dad as I wasn’t in a place to care for them and they needed permanence. I was having unsupervised contact with first child regularly until I became pregnant and unwell again.

I've read most of your posts and I think you really need advocacy involved. It is them who would advocate for your wishes in terms of ensuring your choices around birth and care if your baby are heard as much as possible.

I would definitely either self refer or contact your mental health team today who can put you in contact. They may have ideas for particular advocacy organisations who have been helpful where perinatal mental health is concerned.

Thinking of you and wishing you well.

You poor thing. What a horrible thing to have happen twice. I hope you can recover quickly this time.

My mum had post partum psychosis after giving birth to me and my brother. She was on a mother and baby unit for 6 months and we stayed with her. Later on in life during the menopause she was eventually diagnosed with schizo affective disorder. She is still a wonderful mother and brought myself and my brother up with lots of support from social services. I don't know your circumstances but you have a human right to feed your child.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Please try calling the PACUK service run by Family Action. There is a helpline.

I’m sorry your boys were removed from birth Mum and have some struggles but I’m so happy they found you and have a lovely Mum.

I spend time with my older child regularly (every week at least) so I’m hoping it will be the same for baby.

Do you mind me asking why your boys were removed? Was it mental health (specifically psychosis related) or unrelated such as drugs, DV etc? I am lucky in the sense that my baby won’t be fostered/adopted so I’ll get to have a relationship, it’s not the same as being a full time lives with parent, I feel so guilty and like I’m not worthy of my children.

Do you also mind me asking when children are being adopted do Social Workers really emphasise how awful the birth parents were or is there a level of compassion there? I know in some cases parent’s are just awful but I feel in a lot of cases it’s mental health or drug addiction due to trauma etc, not necessarily just being nasty pieces of work.

OP you're reaching out for help which is fantastic, you're trying so hard and that should be applauded. Maybe write a list of questions for social services, you can give them to your caseworker. So much support on this thread which is great but remember all the ideas here may or may not tie into your personal circumstance and I think the best people to talk about those things are your social worker and midwife. But keep speaking to people for support, you're doing a great job and I wish you happiness, you deserve it

You can name the baby. (Best to discuss with the father but you have to be present to register her) and in hospital you should be supported as far as is safe to care for her. They won't be able to apply to court until she's born so a court hearing will be same day or next day at the latest but there will be a plan for removal when the baby is ready for discharge. It may be that if the dad wants a DNA test before he will take her that she goes to foster care for a few days or is allowed to stay with you under supervision. You need to ask the social worker for a copy of your safeguarding birth plan.

During adoption we absolutely do not emphasise anything about the birth parents being awful. Social workers believe it or not are very compassionate people and care about both children and birth parents in adoption. We write very long and detailed documents for the court and the child when they are adults containing their whole life story but we are compassionate and always talk about the positives. Most birth parents love their children and that is always expressed in the paperwork.

Thank you. I will be asking for a copy of the safeguarding birth plan at a meeting today.

We are doing pre birth DNA tests so that the Dad can take baby home.

It’s important that she is able to share my surname as well as the Dad, so I’m glad I can name her.