Baby Removed at Birth Support

[Mumtobe799]

Hello

This is extremely controversial and I feel embarrassed posting but I’m looking for a bit of help. I am due to give birth within the next few weeks and after Social Services involvement throughout my pregnancy, I have been told they will be removing my baby at birth. Baby will be placed with their Dad under an interim court order whilst assessments are ongoing.

Does anybody know what removal at birth actually means? My baby and I will need to stay in hospital for a few days, is it likely I will be able to stay with them or will they likely split us up? These are questions I have asked Social Services but they will not give me an answer.

I would like to breast feed; is this something Social Services have to support as it is in the best interest of baby. My baby is being removed due to mental health concerns, no issues around substance or alcohol abuse so that being in breast milk isn’t a worry.

If anyone with any legal experience or people who may have gone through or know someone who has gone through something similar can help I would really appreciate it. Thank you.

This is lovely to hear. If I’m honest I do not get on with my children’s Social Worker.

I find she often gets her point across and when I try to respond cuts me off. Her interpretation of mental health is way off. Our cultures are very different and I think that puts a barrier in the way. I am sure there’s some lovely Social Workers but my children’s seems to have no compassion.

Mum is very vulnerable due to a combination of learning disabilities and difficult life circumstances, she has a number of kids who all had to be removed because she was not able to keep them safe / meet their basic needs / protect them from abuse of others. It’s very tragic as she was badly let down by the care system herself, I genuinely think that if she’d been removed from her abusive father and learning disabled mum and given support and stability, things could have been very different for her.

The social workers were very factual about her circumstances (but didn’t tell us everything, we put some information together from talking to adoptive parents of siblings adopted separately) but there was definitely no negativity, even some of the ‘stories’ of things that led to the older kids being taken into care which would have evoked an emotional response, were not shared with us.

I think (from talking to other adoptive parents), that being open in an age appropriate way and compassionate about all the people involved, has been really helpful for our kids. I think from the tone of your posts, if your child’s dad is half as mindful and considerate as you, they’ll do OK.

Oh and birth mum named the babies, again it’s different from your situation but we were encouraged not to change their names (which we wouldn’t have anyway unless there was a safeguarding risk).

There's no reason at all that police would be involved in removal unless they needed to for your or baby's safety. That's so unlikely. I expect they could agree that dad could come and take her from the ward and the social worker remain outside if you asked.

Can you ask to go to a mother and baby psychiatric unit?

Nothing really helpful to add, as the only experience I have of your situation is in supporting a mum in exactly your position (second baby, PPD after first one and then again with second). However, everyone's situation is different. What I do clearly remember is that she was admitted to a mother and baby unit with the newborn - has anyone mentioned that possibility to you?

Just wanting to send you lots of love and support from afar.

This is why it's not ideal asking people on here because they don't know your specific circumstances. Nobody here can say whether your parents can supervise or not.

In relation to expressing milk, of course you can, but it's up to the dad if he feeds her your milk and also you're unlikely to express enough for all her needs.

I’m sorry I don’t know the answers to your questions but just wanted to send my love to you.

I hope everything works out in the end xx

Your boy’s birth Mum’s situation does sound quite different to my circumstances. It sounds like their adoption was handled really sensitively by your Social Workers and yourselves.

It’s lovely to hear you talk about birth Mum in a positive way. Even though my child isn’t adopted, as they don’t live with me I’ve had a few comments and it’s not nice.

My children’s Dad is a good Dad, we don’t get on but he is mindful and considerate. My older child is the most beautiful little one inside and out so I have no doubt baby will be brought up the same.

hi, i don't know where you are based obviously, but the Jewish Family Centre, based in NW London may be able to help you. They are a registered contact centre and can also help with advocacy and i think legal advice.
It may be worth contacting them even if it the wrong area to physically help you. They should be able to advise you while understanding various religious and cultural needs you may have

I’m happy to express and if he chucks it in the bin that’s his business. I’ll also be supplying the Dad with Kosher formula to top up. Again, if he chucks it in the bin and buys something else that’s ok, but at least I know I’ve done the best thing possible for my child.

I only asked about to EPO/PPO as I felt uncomfortable about the pre-birth DNA testing and Social Services solicitors alluded to using one if I refused a pre-birth sample which put me in a blind panic.

@Mumtobe799 i hope you don't mind me asking but what's your diagnosis.

I’m not near them but I may contact them to ask for advice. There’s not many Jewish people in my area so I don’t think Social Services know what to do to understand my religious beliefs.

Hi @Mumtobe799 . I appreciate this is a very upsetting and difficult process, but you do not seem to be taking responsibility which as your SW has said is a massive red flag. Trying to be gentle saying you don’t like her, refusing contact centres, blaming everyone else for what happened with your other child, and frankly getting pregnant by an ex with whom you don’t get on, all look like you are blaming others- and let’s be honest you did try to end your life, which would have killed your baby- so there is a risk there.
Please consider radical engagement, lean in to the process, do everything you can to see your baby and be well yourself, even if you think the SW is rubbish.

I second APP too, they are great at supporting so you will have another line of people standing behind you.

I had Post Partum Psychosis
I was then diagnosed with Non-Organic Psychosis in the Peri Partum period.
Most recently my psychiatrist has said they believe I have basically become so depressed it’s a psychotic depression. My psychosis is from pregnancy, hormones, stress and depression. There was talk of Schizophrenia but I don’t have sustained psychosis or the other symptoms so it’s just psychosis/depression.

Years ago babies were removed from the mother once they were discharged.so you could stay with them. They may advise you to express milk. The midwifery and social worker should be able to advise. I’m sorry you are going through this.

She has already said she doesn't meet the criteria and she's too risky for a mother and baby care placement.

Can you elain how she does thjs

My DC have SEN and reports are always like this, focused on the negatives and dehumanising. It is so hard reading them myself and I would never want my children to see those reports. It is easy to lose any positive view of yourself and your sense of worth in the face of that. The focus is for a specific purpose, to show why the care needs exist in my kids case or in your case why they feel your baby won't be safe with you. They need to focus on it in this way because of how the system works, it's not personal, it's the process and its a shitty one. What they need to write doesn't define you as a person, it's about your illness and that is absolutely not your fault.

Has any of the psychosis happened when you weren't pregnant or postpartum? I would think if it hadn't that would be in your favour towards building a bigger presence in your childrens lives if your psychosis doesnt re occur. If you're considered safe to see your older child in your parents house and there's no concerns about your parents health I'd think they'd allow both to see you that way. I hope your mental health stabilises and in time you can be more involved with them both.

This is the most heartbreaking thing I think I've read on here in years.

Make sure you are absolutely 'lawyered up' as they say. Get all legal advice you can get. I see you have a lawyer, get them to find their teeth!

Mental health should not be a reason to remove a baby at birth unless there's a huge back story. You can have support with your child.

This sounds utterly barbaric.

I have never blamed anyone else for what happened to my other child. I had psychosis, I do not blame that on anyone.

I was in a relationship with my children’s Dad when I fell pregnant again. Yes, maybe it was the wrong decision to keep my pregnancy but I am where I am.

I struggle with the Social Worker although I do try. I don’t want to go to a contact centre in the immediate post partum period as I believe it could trigger psychosis symptoms due to specifics I won’t go into on here.

I have attended every single appointment (bar one when I was unwell) with every single professional.
I have taken medication, I have agreed to every intervention possible.

Psychosis is difficult to take accountability for in the sense you’re having to relive something really horrible that happened during a break from reality that you either can’t or don’t want to remember. I struggle to read reports or sit in rooms with professionals describing my actions during my illness as it’s actually really traumatising and causes PTSD like symptoms. It’s not that I’m not taking accountability, it’s just so fresh that I’m trying to work my way through it whilst not triggering myself into illness again.

This is pretty drastic action. I agree you need answers. Don't you have your own social worker. But you do need a lawyer.

Why would you not be going to a M&B mental health unit with the baby if the only concern is psychosis. That is the usual procedure for mums with post partum psychosis these days

Sorry I see you have already answered my questions. I hope you get some answers soon. Not knowing what will happen is grim.