Baby Removed at Birth Support

[Mumtobe799]

Hello

This is extremely controversial and I feel embarrassed posting but I’m looking for a bit of help. I am due to give birth within the next few weeks and after Social Services involvement throughout my pregnancy, I have been told they will be removing my baby at birth. Baby will be placed with their Dad under an interim court order whilst assessments are ongoing.

Does anybody know what removal at birth actually means? My baby and I will need to stay in hospital for a few days, is it likely I will be able to stay with them or will they likely split us up? These are questions I have asked Social Services but they will not give me an answer.

I would like to breast feed; is this something Social Services have to support as it is in the best interest of baby. My baby is being removed due to mental health concerns, no issues around substance or alcohol abuse so that being in breast milk isn’t a worry.

If anyone with any legal experience or people who may have gone through or know someone who has gone through something similar can help I would really appreciate it. Thank you.

I was discharged in October and have remained with family since as I don’t want to go back to my own home right now.

My sleeping has been up and down. I formally found out baby will be removed yesterday so I doubt I’ll really sleep until birth in a few weeks. I don’t want to miss a second of feeling her move and interacting with her in my tummy.

I was rejected from MBU for being ‘too stable’ which doesn’t make sense as Social Services think I am seriously unwell.

If I’m honest I think a large part of it is I tried to harm myself and baby whilst in psychosis earlier in my pregnancy and they see me being in a placement as too much of a risk. I don’t think the mental health team want to tell me this as they’re worried about my safety, I feel like a lot of things are kept from me as they’re worried I could become unwell and harm myself and therefore baby.

When I see harm myself and baby I was suicidal and made an attempt. As I’m pregnant it was obviously seen as an attempt to harm baby which is Social Services concern. If I hurt myself/baby whilst pregnant they are concerned it could happen once baby is born and that would obviously be a tragedy.

Just because they said your baby will be removed it doesn’t mean for life

If you focus on getting yourself well and doing all you can then there are various possibilities

It is good that you have the support of your family and that is a strength you have in your favour

Thank you

I suppose what worries me is once you’ve had psychosis and it’s on record then surely even with 5 years of stability they could say I was at risk of becoming unwell again? Or is there a cut off where is you are consistently stable they will give you a chance.

I know I won’t have any more children, even if I met the love of my life and he was really supportive so that isn’t a risk factor. It’s just about proving I can be stable for the children I have.

@Mumtobe799 you are probably right - they don’t know, you don’t know and they cannot take the risk of allowing you to walk out with a baby hence the preparations now

This could happen to anyone - it is not you but your illness that they are concerned about.

This is why I say have you looked around for online charities as they will have a much better understanding of your situation and needs in regards to your illness.

I have contacted Action for Post Partum Psychosis previously but I became unwell. I might contact them again and see if there’s any support they can offer.

The Social Worker says I don’t take accountability for my actions and I have no insight but it’s really, really hard to have accountability or insight into something you can’t really remember as you were breaking from reality.

@Mumtobe799

It would be unusual for any SW to say you posed a risk 5 years after an episode of psychosis.

What matters is that you receive help to get well, you take that help and you get well.

You would be surprised if you knew how many children get returned to their parents after periods in foster care or living with family members etc

However although I can’t say for certain what your future will look like I do feel that you will be allowed supervised contact.

You know it is going to be hard after the birth and I would urge you to make sure your medication is efficient enough to manage your symptoms accordingly

I can understand it is frustrating to hear those criticisms!

To be honest if someone was assessing me they would come up with various criticisms of my parenting - I’ve no doubt about it!

Im not perfect, far from it - it would cut deep too being called out on my weaknesses!

It’s a very invasive process and can leave you feeling utterly powerless

All I do is go to meeting after meeting and read reports where everything is ultimately a negative.

Yes they do put a couple of ‘x does this well of that well’ but is always followed by ‘due to x’s mental health this means that she cannot do a b c consistently’

I think they forget they are dealing with humans sometimes. It’s just character assassination constantly.

@Mumtobe799 i don’t have personal experience here but my cousin has bipolar disorder and experienced post partum psychosis a few years ago sadly. She kept her child and is now stable and well, a nurse actually! It’s all possible and my cousins story is very positive, I hope yours will be too. I’m sure your baby will be beautiful. Do you know if you’re having a boy or a girl?

I truly wish you the best, 💐

Is there anyway to try and look at the positive aspect that your baby will be safe and with dad who will give loving care? It sounds like your illness isn't reliably controlled and coupling that with your elevated risk of PND it is absolutely the best decision for baby to go to dad. Can you work closely with your care team to monitor/report how you are doing once you give birth? Get on additional meds, regular counselling, be prepared to call crisis line at the slightest hint of a red flag? Could you pump your breastmilk to pass along to baby? Could you put visitation in place so you could hold your baby and possibly breastfeed during the visit?

Try and see what can be worked out in advance. Make your own health a priority. You survived because you were meant to. Don't lose hope. I also struggle with mh. Just remember the negative feelings and invasive thoughts don't control you. Don't give them power and always reach out to your care team for help. ❤️

My worry is the Dad doesn’t want the baby but feels pushed into a corner and I feel guilt because it’s going to disrupt his life a lot.

I know the gender but I’m trying to remain somewhat anonymous so I’m not going to disclose on here. Thank you so much for your kind words.

i understand @Mumtobe799 💐

you and your baby are going to be fine. Things are going to be hard for a bit, I’m not going to lie to you, but eventually you’ll get through it.

Christmas and new year babies are the best (I have one, she’s 18 in a few weeks!)

Just wanted to send you an enormous hug. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I just wanted to say that whilst I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you; remember that these steps are in place to keep baby safe, and that it will be much easier when you aren’t pregnant anymore to start to focus on getting better. Your kids will be waiting for you on the other side of this. Much love to you xxx

OP, is there a mother and babies psychiatric unit you can admitted to? You should ask your solicitor to fight for this, I’m surprised this isn’t an option for you given the removal is due to mental health issues.

If you’re on psych meds they may not want you to breastfeed. I also just want to say if you can’t breastfeed don’t feel guilty about it. From about the 30s to the 80s formula was really normalized and kids were fine. My brother was formula fed, he’s 6’3”, likable, funny, good athlete etc.

It’s not a huge deal actually even though some organizations like la leche league really push it. I had a friend who was kept overnight for mastitis at the hospital. She literally made herself sick instead of conceding breastfeeding wasn’t going to happen for her. So I always just want to remind people don’t develop an abscess, don’t feel guilty if you can’t. It’s going to be fine.

So if you can’t do it? Your baby will still be ok. It will be tough that your wishes weren’t honored but it won’t hurt your child. Wishing you the best OP.

OP, I am so sorry you are going through this. Nobody should have to go through this. I can’t imagine how hard this must be especially with pregnancy hormones, medication and deteriorating mental health. You have been very brave and I just wanted to say I think you have you have come across amazingly. Your concerns are all valid and reasonable questions that you’re asking and you have tried to find support from others who may have been in a similar situation which is reasonable. You have had some very kind responses here and some very informative ones from midwives etc here.

Whilst I have no direct experience of this myself, I have worked for several years in the NHS. I just wanted to stress that every trust / sometimes even hospitals within a trust will have different policies/protocols/ pathways. Yours is a very complex case involving multi disciplines and advice you may get on MN may not reflect what will happen in your case. I think it is very important for your mental health that you are as informed as possible of what will be happening before it does.

I would write down all your concerns especially breastfeeding/ contact with baby after their born and how you feel a general anaesthetic would be better for your mental health if baby will be removed immediately. Be as honest as you’ve been on this forum and communicate them directly with people involved in your healthcare to in order to keep yourself fully prepared for what will happen once you deliver. This will hopefully keep you reassured too.

Do you have a named perinatal mental health nurse or midwife who is liaising with you? If not then, if able to I would contact the secretaries of your consultant perinatal psychiatrist and explain that you need someone to speak to you urgently about this. If this doesn’t work I would contact the crisis team. You have already stated in some updates that lack of sleep can be a trigger for you and that the uncertainty is causing your anxiety / MH to deteriorate, understandably, therefore I would class this as a potential crisis if you’re unable to get your needs met / questions answered around this . These services have a duty of care to both YOU and baby.

I hope you have managed to get some sleep and the meetings go well. Whilst this may be a traumatic and challenging time I hope that you will be able to have all you desire in the future with regards to a relationship with this child. Sending you virtual hugs.

You can express milk. But this means dad having to constantly collect it, which will be really disruptive along with lack of sleep etc that he will be facing. It will be for social worker to work things out with dad, collecting baby etc. my personal view is that a contact centre will be arranged as baby is so young and vulnerable, and they will be assessing you.

Try not to focus on his feelings and any guilt you have for his inconvenience. You're carrying a tiny human and that baby's safety, a stable home and being loved are what matters. Take things day by day.

What are SS doing to deal with the root cause of the issue? They are causing trauma and then will appear shocked afterwards.

I understand a lot of people probably don’t think I’m deserving of my child or being a Mum to them but I am really trying.

Oh bless you @Mumtobe799 Of course you are deserving of your child and being a mum.

None of this is your fault, nobody chooses to suffer from a mental health condition.

Wishing you all the best that you receive the best care going forwards and have lots and lots of support around you ❤💐

You asked earlier OP about being able to give a name. My son who is adopted was under a care order from birth and birth Mum named him. As you aren’t married to the father, he doesn’t get automatic PR does he so not sure how birth is registered if you don’t go with him to register it?

I would have thought that SS would listen to your requests re name.

so awful for you. Hope you get well.

🤗 🤗 🤗 , Op.