Baby Removed at Birth Support

[Mumtobe799]

Hello

This is extremely controversial and I feel embarrassed posting but I’m looking for a bit of help. I am due to give birth within the next few weeks and after Social Services involvement throughout my pregnancy, I have been told they will be removing my baby at birth. Baby will be placed with their Dad under an interim court order whilst assessments are ongoing.

Does anybody know what removal at birth actually means? My baby and I will need to stay in hospital for a few days, is it likely I will be able to stay with them or will they likely split us up? These are questions I have asked Social Services but they will not give me an answer.

I would like to breast feed; is this something Social Services have to support as it is in the best interest of baby. My baby is being removed due to mental health concerns, no issues around substance or alcohol abuse so that being in breast milk isn’t a worry.

If anyone with any legal experience or people who may have gone through or know someone who has gone through something similar can help I would really appreciate it. Thank you.

Sorry you're going through this OP, I really feel for you.

Congratulations OP. Hopefully in the New Year you can see her more. The idea of having a little snuggly comforter that you wear when she's not there and give to her so she gets to know your smell is a good one.

Why not give her your chosen name as a middle name (PS I love that name)? When she hears the story of her birth she will make her own mind up about things. When she's older, she might decide to go by her middle name anyway if she prefers it, you never know. I know loads of people who use their middle name instead of their first name as adults.

Hi OP, just wondering how you are? Have you got to see your baby since? 🥰

Hi OP I couldn't stop thinking about your story and was so happy to read your update! Just wanted to let you know that I go by my middle name in my day to day life so if you so choose to put your chosen name as her second name on her birth certificate then there's every chance she'll use that one eventually.

Also my parents would alternate between my first and second names when I was growing up and I had no confusion between the two, so don't worry about the "being fair" factor. I have a little girl born in August and I think we've called her by a totally unrelated nickname more than her actual name by now!

Hope you had a lovely Christmas despite the circumstances and really wishing you the best for your mental health and being able to reunite with your baby, I think you've been handling this amazingly well

Hello

I’m nearly 4 weeks postpartum and (touch wood) haven’t had any significant psychosis since I was pregnant. My mental health team are really happy with my progress since birth.

I’m seeing my baby 3 times a week in a contact centre whilst the court proceedings are ongoing but I’m trying to see this as a positive as it gives me a chance to evidence to professionals I can meet baby’s needs.

Social Services view is I could still become unwell so I need to show I am stable for a significant period of time. I’m doing a parenting assessment, psychiatric assessment and work around domestic abuse (domestic abuse was not a reason for removal but they feel I need work/support around it). The main thing is showing insight into the illness I have and putting things in place to prevent me becoming unwell again and putting support in place in case I do become unwell in the future.

Baby is really settled with their Dad and perfectly healthy. They’re also really content when they spend time with me, just sleeps on me while I read lots of stories so they get use to my voice.

Thank you to everyone who’s offered kind words as it really means a lot. I’ll continue to update until the end of the proceedings as I feel it might help someone else in the future x

I agreed to Dad’s name with a name I chose as the middle name. I also got input in the surname which was really important as I wanted baby to share something of mine x

So pleased to hear your update 💐

Congratulations on the birth of your baby. 💐 A relative had the same illness in both pregnancies, what a cruel illness this is. I am so sorry to hear what you have been through.

The key for my relative was finding on the right medication regime (she tried many), and day to day support from family helped a lot too. Fast forward to today, her children are now lovely adults, she is a very involved and proud grandmother. 😊

I'm still confused as to why they didn't put you on a mother and baby psychiatric ward. I'm also surprised they forced you to give up your children if it's 'just' post partum psychosis. With medication and professional support, will you gain custody?

Well done OP … I think everyone here is so proud of you. I think that little baby is very lucky to have you as their mum. Thank you for updating us and sending you lots of love.

Kindly, I’m not sure OP wants to revisit all the details on here again.
Can we just be thankful she is doing so well?

This is good news well done

I’ve had postpartum psychosis in my first pregnancy and was too unwell to go into a mother and baby psychiatric unit as my psychosis was focused on myself/baby. Therefore it’s viewed as too much of a risk.

With long term stability, support and medication it’s hoped I will have partial custody. It may be that my children’s Dad is the parent with care but I would have a few nights per week.

I don’t know how to delete my post but I’ve just seen latest update so ignore previous comment!

Seen update. Can I ask a question op? How are you atm mentally, strength wise. And do you have a trusted friend or support?

May I offer a piece of advice. Op needs to wise up and play the game. Be careful what you say and whom you say it to. Do you have support?

My parents are retired very senior social workers and many years ago when we had a problem my parents were shocked at how poor the conduct was by social services themselves, health care providers, all sorts. There were factually incorrect bits, misquotes. My mum insisted that I was never to attend any appointment alone again, she'd attend with me, and boy did the whole case, atmosphere, completely change, quickly. My mum had the chair apologise to her profusely and the case closed shortly after. Irreparable damage was still done though!

Hope you can work with the system, and get resolution. Don't be pushed around. Be polite but firm.

"Social Services view is I could still become unwell so I need to show I am stable for a significant period of time. "

Have they been specific on this? Is this contestable, could you push back on this and pin then down a bit? To dates. Else it's just airy fairy. Who exactly, which health professional is pushing this?

You had an episode when pg, but it could be argued that their stress exacerbated that.

What are the dates moving forward? If you haven't had another episode by xxx then xxx will happen? I bet you SS don't want to be pinned down!

My mum (and I) got factual medical records, facts and figures. My mum rather than me questioned certain views, (eg you might be able to contest : who is predicting the risk of you falling ill again, a proper psychiatrist or some poxy health visitor with no expertise? )

My mum (and me, I did all the donkey work behind the scenes, but needed the actual contesting of facts to be done by someone other than me, ie my mum ) had a meeting with the SW'er, my mum politely ripped her to shreds, and then followed it up with an email, documenting evidence, that could've been written by a private investigator / solicitor.

Could you do similar? Get them pinned down to dates a bit more?

Thank you so much for your advice!

As we’re in court a Psychiatrist will be appointed to assess and write a report on me. I know from previous experience the reports can be vague and not generally positive.

I will be requesting the appointed Psychiatrist (paid a lot of money by the court) has a conversation with my mental health team as I found this previously helped as the appointed Psychiatrist was then using records and opinions from my own team instead of their own from a quick assessment.

My medical records are in process and I will be going through them with a fine tooth comb as I know there will be inaccuracies/dates etc.

I completely agree about timescales. What worries me is them saying there will always be a risk however small that risk is… I’ve even thought about getting the coil (so I literally cannot fall pregnant without a health professional removing it). I just don’t know how to mitigate the risk enough if I’m honest :(

Please please try and take someone with you. It makes such a difference. Try and get someone else to speak for you. If it's not you, it holds so much more strength.

If your mum for eg says : I have read every article in the whole case and find it presents my dd very negatively generally. Moving forward could I request that the case is handled more positively, proactive and positive objectives are date achieveable".

If she suggests, rather than you, that the previous SW'er was negative and not respectful of your Jewish beliefs, it'll be better than you saying it.

Aww, good luck op, been thinking of you
🫂 n 💐 X

This is all good news OP and sounds positive. The only thing I’m confused about is the rationale for requesting you do work around domestic abuse when you say this isn’t relevant to you ? Have SS explained in any more detail why they find this necessary ?

Think it's true to say that both episodes of psychosis have been pregnancy related - so a more robust [non-hormonal] form of contraception might well provide some reassurance that there will be no surprise future pregnancies and associated risk of relapse

So probably worth some serious consideration

When you say non-hormonal would the mirena coil be sufficient? I know it’s hormonal but it’s long acting.

From what my obstetric consultant has said no doctor will tie the tubes of a woman in her mid-twenties.

Hi OP, I'd advise against hormonal contraception. I went from being a little depressed to pretty unbalanced quite quickly after it was inserted. It really ramped up my anxiety and depression and I went a little crazy! Everything resolved once it was removed (nb I had to threaten I'd remove it myself before the doctor agreed so getting it removed upon request is harder than you'd think, and if you go down the route I did then they might write it up as a manic episode)

It's not my area of expertise but avoiding hormonal contraception incl mirena coil would seem wise - does the copper coil still exist?

Would your psychiatrist support you being sterilised? And write to O&G to tell them

As well as protecting your mental state from further hormnonal storms even looking into these things is 'evidence' of you being pro-active and seriously engaging in relapse prevention

Congratulations on the arrival of your baby, and I'm so glad that you get to be part of your childrens lives, you are so loving and thoughtful.

Obviously you need to discuss with your medical team, but I have a Mireana and it's been great, didn't impact on my depression at all.

You do hear stories of it causing problems, but i think that for the silent majority of women it works very well. My periods stopped when I had it, which has been fantastic.