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Original poster

Baby Removed at Birth Support

478 replies

Mumtobe799 · 04/12/2024 00:07

Hello

This is extremely controversial and I feel embarrassed posting but I’m looking for a bit of help. I am due to give birth within the next few weeks and after Social Services involvement throughout my pregnancy, I have been told they will be removing my baby at birth. Baby will be placed with their Dad under an interim court order whilst assessments are ongoing.

Does anybody know what removal at birth actually means? My baby and I will need to stay in hospital for a few days, is it likely I will be able to stay with them or will they likely split us up? These are questions I have asked Social Services but they will not give me an answer.

I would like to breast feed; is this something Social Services have to support as it is in the best interest of baby. My baby is being removed due to mental health concerns, no issues around substance or alcohol abuse so that being in breast milk isn’t a worry.

If anyone with any legal experience or people who may have gone through or know someone who has gone through something similar can help I would really appreciate it. Thank you.

OP posts:
Nc546888 · 05/12/2024 16:05

Mumtobe799 · 05/12/2024 15:59

I just wanted to update this thread

Social Services have confirmed they will be seeking an Interim Care Order in favour of my baby’s Dad shortly after birth.

My baby and I have to stay in for a few days. We’ll be staying together and separated upon discharge. Baby for monitoring as I’ve been taking prescribed medication during my pregnancy and myself for a mental health assessment as if I’m going to become unwell with Post Partum Psychosis it will likely come on over a few days after birth.

I’ll be seeing baby a minimum of a few times a week, some of this will be in a centre for assessment purposes and some will be at home with my older baby.

I can choose a name and register baby. I can also choose to breastfeed during our time together and supply milk, they have said there’s no issue with this. I’ll also be recommending baby is supplemented with Kendamill as this is Kosher (thank you to the lady who commented that).

During the Interim Care Order I will have the opportunity to be reassessed, there will likely be psychiatric assessments and other assessments out in place.

I wanted to update as everyone has been very kind on this thread and also in case there’s another woman who is going through similar and wants some information.

I’ll continue to update the thread as and when things happen. Thank you again for all of your support x

Edited

Sounds like some really really positive things among there. I’m so glad you get a few days with baby, a minimum of seeing them a few times a week, breastfeeding and picking the formula you want and also the name. I’m so happy for you x

TheShellBeach · 05/12/2024 16:07

Hi there @Mumtobe799

That sounds better than you were expecting.

Are you having a planned CS?

Plastictrees · 05/12/2024 16:30

Mumtobe799 · 05/12/2024 15:59

I just wanted to update this thread

Social Services have confirmed they will be seeking an Interim Care Order in favour of my baby’s Dad shortly after birth.

My baby and I have to stay in for a few days. We’ll be staying together and separated upon discharge. Baby for monitoring as I’ve been taking prescribed medication during my pregnancy and myself for a mental health assessment as if I’m going to become unwell with Post Partum Psychosis it will likely come on over a few days after birth.

I’ll be seeing baby a minimum of a few times a week, some of this will be in a centre for assessment purposes and some will be at home with my older baby.

I can choose a name and register baby. I can also choose to breastfeed during our time together and supply milk, they have said there’s no issue with this. I’ll also be recommending baby is supplemented with Kendamill as this is Kosher (thank you to the lady who commented that).

During the Interim Care Order I will have the opportunity to be reassessed, there will likely be psychiatric assessments and other assessments out in place.

I wanted to update as everyone has been very kind on this thread and also in case there’s another woman who is going through similar and wants some information.

I’ll continue to update the thread as and when things happen. Thank you again for all of your support x

Edited

I’m so glad to hear that you’ve been given more information about what to expect, I hope this is some reassurance for you and that you will be able to get some sleep. Best of luck to you OP.

IncessantNameChanger · 05/12/2024 16:33

Bless you op that's better news. I knew someone who had baby removed within the hour. I hope you get to bond post birth

Jacopo · 05/12/2024 16:39

It’s so good to hear that you have been given more information at last. I hope this settles your anxiety somewhat, in these very difficult circumstances. Lots of us here are thinking of you, wishing you well, and hoping you and your little one have good health and a happy future. 💐

ApolloandDaphne · 05/12/2024 16:51

That sounds very positive. I don't really know about PPP but hopefully you won't become ill and you will be able to see your baby on a very regular basis to establish a good bond.

standardduck · 05/12/2024 16:56

That's positive news. I am glad you got some clarity and I hope you get to rest a little bit.

Good luckFlowers

murasaki · 05/12/2024 17:12

At least you now have some information, I hope that is reassuring for you.

Nextdoor55 · 05/12/2024 18:55

It's really such a sad situation & I'm really sorry you're going through this. I mean surely being separated from your child is not going to help your MH challenges & whilst I get risk & need, there's nothing more painful than being separated from your baby I can't imagine anything worse.
I'm just hoping that you can get as much legal assistance as possible, advocacy & medical help.
One of my friends had psychosis after an operation she was in a really bad way but she is stable now so there is hope x

aurynne · 05/12/2024 20:38

Thank you so much for the update, @Mumtobe799, this sounds very positive! Your writing also shows me that you may be feling a bit more reassured? We are all rooting for you and your baby!

NinaGeiger · 05/12/2024 21:07

Glad to read your positive update.

Forget the following if you don't think it's good advice, but I just wondered if you would find it helpful: in the early days, especially when you and the baby are apart, do you think you'd find it helpful to write to the baby? Like for them to read when they're grown up?

You could write little every day details like what you ate on the ward, what the weather was, things the baby did like any noises they made or how they smelt, what you watched on TV when you got home.
It might help to get some of the painful feelings out like how much you miss them.
You could write down your hopes for the baby's future and your relationship with them.

If you write it somewhere electronically you can always go back through and edit anything out that you decide to if it's too raw.

Then if you decide just to keep it for you or delete it that's fine, it might still make you feel closer to them to have written it down.
And you could always share it with them they're grown up or when the right time comes, if they ask what happened when they were born.
You seem like a good writer from your posts!

MiraculousLadybug · 05/12/2024 21:45

Great update, @Mumtobe799 , I did think that for PPP a permanent care order was unlikely because your chances of recovery are so good, but I didn't want to say it in case I was wrong. It sounds like you're being given a fairer chance than they first told you. I hope it all works out for you (and that you can possibly get some sleep maybe, now they have given you something concrete about what's going to happen).

ButterCrackers · 05/12/2024 21:59

Good update. All the best wishes.

PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat · 05/12/2024 22:24

I am so glad that the Kendamil info was helpful. Wishing you all the best.

rainbowsparkle28 · 05/12/2024 22:41

From professional experience - but don't take this for sure - I imagine that yes you will be able to remain with your baby in hospital but there may be a very clear agreement/safety plan around this e.g. open ward, close monitoring etc. Technically until there is a court order in place (this cannot happen pre birth but likely will be very soon after) your baby cannot be removed or separated out of your care, it would not be legal. And even where there is an Interim Care Order (assuming that is likely to be what they apply for) in place you still retain Parental Responsibility it is just shared with the Local Authority/social services and in this case dad. Absolutely you will be able to choose name, there are very firm legal restrictions around this including with an Interim Care Order that the child's name cannot be changed without express permission of those with Parental Responsibility. As others have said speak with a solicitor for legal advice and social worker to be clear on a practical level what things will look like so you can prepare as much as possible. Wishing you and your baby all the best in the hopefully most sensitive way possible.

TheShellBeach · 05/12/2024 22:45

rainbowsparkle28 · 05/12/2024 22:41

From professional experience - but don't take this for sure - I imagine that yes you will be able to remain with your baby in hospital but there may be a very clear agreement/safety plan around this e.g. open ward, close monitoring etc. Technically until there is a court order in place (this cannot happen pre birth but likely will be very soon after) your baby cannot be removed or separated out of your care, it would not be legal. And even where there is an Interim Care Order (assuming that is likely to be what they apply for) in place you still retain Parental Responsibility it is just shared with the Local Authority/social services and in this case dad. Absolutely you will be able to choose name, there are very firm legal restrictions around this including with an Interim Care Order that the child's name cannot be changed without express permission of those with Parental Responsibility. As others have said speak with a solicitor for legal advice and social worker to be clear on a practical level what things will look like so you can prepare as much as possible. Wishing you and your baby all the best in the hopefully most sensitive way possible.

RTFT

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 06/12/2024 07:28

This reply has been deleted

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Rosscameasdoody · 06/12/2024 08:34

Isitreallybad · 04/12/2024 12:21

It’s really a tragedy that there are not enough mother and baby units to meet the huge demand. It very much sounds to me as if this would be an ideal solution. Is there any way you can get legal representation and push for this @Mumtobe799

OP has already said she doesn’t meet the criteria for a mother and baby unit.

Verite1 · 06/12/2024 09:26

Ive been reading the thread but haven’t commented. I just wanted to say that this seems really positive and that the aim is to hopefully reunite you once there is no longer any risk of psychosis. Hope the birth goes as well as possible for you.

Stormyweatheroutthere · 06/12/2024 09:36

Just wanted to say you sound a fab dm op....

TheSilkWorm · 06/12/2024 09:44

MiraculousLadybug · 05/12/2024 21:45

Great update, @Mumtobe799 , I did think that for PPP a permanent care order was unlikely because your chances of recovery are so good, but I didn't want to say it in case I was wrong. It sounds like you're being given a fairer chance than they first told you. I hope it all works out for you (and that you can possibly get some sleep maybe, now they have given you something concrete about what's going to happen).

On application to court the local authority will only ever seek an interim care order. This is totally standard. All parents have the opportunity for further assessment during the proceedings.

Cockerpooslave · 06/12/2024 09:45

friendlyflicka · 04/12/2024 13:38

I very rarely comment but I think this is one of most ignorant posts I have ever read on the topic of mental illness. It adopts the same scolding tone found constantly in AIBU threads.

This woman has done nothing wrong. Perhaps leave others who have suffered from psychosis or who have some basic level of understanding to offer assistance on this thread.

@mumtobe799 I have bipolar disorder and untreated it results in psychosis. I can totally understand that a social worker or any other professional can be judgemental and incompatible. It has happened to me with psychiatrists often in my 45 year experience of services. I also am a single parent to 2 lovely daughters now 18 and 21 and although it has been a struggle and I have had to accept a level of medication heavier than I would ever have tolerated before motherhood, I think I have done a pretty good job.

I hope after the hormones settle, you will find the same. Just agree with others that you need to seek the greatest amount of advocacy you can find.

Show quote history

I’m sorry you feel that way, but actually my best mate had post partum psychosis, I have several close friends who I have supported through significant mental health challenges and have professional experience in the field. It is of course important to have support, but the only way towards health is my acceptance of what is happening to you and your challenges and taking personal responsibility and engaging with getting well, no one else can do it for you.

I was not scolding the OP, rather being frank based on what she has herself told us. I am sorry if you were triggered, but perhaps you are overlaying your own experience. I genuinely hope the OP gets and remains well, but patting her hand and blaming others will not help her get there.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 06/12/2024 09:49

TheShellBeach · 04/12/2024 12:34

I honestly don’t know what I’d do if they tried to remove my baby directly after birth, I don’t even think I could get myself to hospital to have them as I’d be in such a state

OP you've made countless threads during this pregnancy, under lots of different user names.

But the one that concerned me the most was when you talked about moving to a different area and giving birth alone, having changed your name.
You were adamant that it would be the best thing for the baby.

You've also been clear that your pregnancy was not an accident, because you wanted to prove to social services that you were well enough to look after a baby. In some of your threads, you did not agree that the eventual removal of your first child had been in his best interests.

Clearly your boyfriend also bears some responsibility for not using contraception.

He will soon be a single father to four children. It's fortunate that he has stepped up, and agreed to have the new baby when she arrives.

I hope that you'll eventually be able to have contact with both your children. But you must cooperate with social services.

Yes I remember this too and the OP was adamant that running away was a good idea as her previous mental health crisis was a one off and was now being managed and their was no risk to her baby and that this baby was her chance to prove she could keep custody of a baby and be a good mum….I don’t think this thread is giving quite the full story.

Anyway, I’m really sorry this has happened to you OP and I hope you’re able to build a good bond with your children in time. You’ve had some really good advice and I don’t think they will instantly remove your baby so you will almost certainly have some time together and be able to name her.

Can I please strongly advise you take them up on their offer of a coil or other long term contraceptives as unfortunately this pregnancy has clearly damaged your relationship with your existing child and you need to ensure you’re prioritising your existing children now and not getting pregnant again and further risking your health. I wish you all the best 💐.

Plastictrees · 06/12/2024 09:53

@Cockerpooslave I am not sure how anyone can take personal responsibility for post partum psychosis.

Unfortunately poor mental health care, or an absence of it, is ubiquitous and absolutely contributes to the worsening of a persons mental health.

As a psychologist I am very skeptical of narratives around ‘personal responsibility’ as it is blaming and minimising of the valid systemic factors which cause and maintain poor mental health.

I think the OP sounds insightful and is clearly wanting to do what is best for her baby. I am just taking this thread at face value.