Baby Removed at Birth Support

[Mumtobe799]

Hello

This is extremely controversial and I feel embarrassed posting but I’m looking for a bit of help. I am due to give birth within the next few weeks and after Social Services involvement throughout my pregnancy, I have been told they will be removing my baby at birth. Baby will be placed with their Dad under an interim court order whilst assessments are ongoing.

Does anybody know what removal at birth actually means? My baby and I will need to stay in hospital for a few days, is it likely I will be able to stay with them or will they likely split us up? These are questions I have asked Social Services but they will not give me an answer.

I would like to breast feed; is this something Social Services have to support as it is in the best interest of baby. My baby is being removed due to mental health concerns, no issues around substance or alcohol abuse so that being in breast milk isn’t a worry.

If anyone with any legal experience or people who may have gone through or know someone who has gone through something similar can help I would really appreciate it. Thank you.

I think the OP sounds insightful and is clearly wanting to do what is best for her baby. I am just taking this thread at face value

You missed the thread where she asked for advice on moving to another area, changing her name, and giving birth in a different hospital, to avoid social services' involvement.

@TheShellBeach Yes I didn’t see that one, I’m just responding to what I’ve read here. It sounds like the OP was in a very bad place in that other thread. I am glad the OP and her baby will be safe.

I don’t actually think that it’s helpful to add info like this from previous threads as it sounded to me as if OP was ‘verbalising’ a flight reaction ? It may not have been that she genuinely planned to do all
that but more a case of her mind giving actions to a fight or flight response . It’s not something to judge her by at any rate. Maybe MN was a safe space to get the thoughts written out and not an actual plan of action

This is a lovely update op.

Praying that you stay well after the birth and also get the right care afterwards from a MH perspective

Is it the flood of hormones that impact you adversely? I wonder if you could go straight on the pill or something?

Our hormones can be so destructive- I have PMDD and it can cause havoc!

I don't know if this is helpful or not, but here goes.

There's more than one way to mum. Take a look at the animal kingdom. An orangutan mum doesn't let her baby out of sight for 8 years. An octopus mum dies protecting her eggs, a mum who gave everything that they'll never met. A bear mum is barely conscious for the first few months of their cubs life. They are all mums and parent in different ways. Your mum-ing will be different from most human mums in the first few months, and maybe longer, but you'll still have a mum relationship, and will find a way that works for you as a family. More than one way to mum.

You missed the thread where she asked for advice on moving to another area, changing her name, and giving birth in a different hospital, to avoid social services' involvement.

Have you considered that OP might have been very unwell when she posted that thread?

Yes I agree with this. TheShellBeach doesn’t appear to understand mental health issues, or even general thinking processes. The OP has clearly explained that her psychosis has evolved to extreme fear around the need to protect her baby. Talking about running away makes sense in this context. It might sound totally mad but the OP is an extreme situation where people are literally saying they will take her baby away from her. Every mothers instinct would be against that.

How about focusing on what the OP is doing now which is working with social care, taking advice and making plans for her baby and prioritising her recovery too.

She's vulnerable and scared and it seems like she's making the right choices now.

@Mumtobe799 I am so pleased you have some good news and wish you the best in terms of your birth and future with your baby and other children

@@Cockerpooslave
I was not in the least triggered - I was astounded.. yes, I agree, longterm, acceptance and personal responsibility are important factors in the outcomes of those suffering mental illness. However, psychosis is not a condition in which the sufferer can pull themselves together and rationally assess their challenges. And in the midst of a crisis, often it is other people who will 'do it for you'.

Afterwards, If the psychosis is amenable to medication and other factors such as time and rest and less stress (and hormonal changes) then the approaches you propose are helpful. While in the midst of a psychotic break the notion of moral responsibility, rationality and acceptance are laughable.

Responding to a heavily pregnant and ill woman fearing the loss of her baby, I would suggest that offering some degree of reassurance rather than brusquely assigning blame is altogether more compassionate and helpful.

How are things OP?

Hello Everyone

I wanted to update as there were so many lovely supportive posters on here. I gave birth to a healthy and beautiful baby last week. We spent 4 days in hospital before she was discharged to her father.

A question I wanted to ask (if there’s any children’s experts on here). My daughter and I last spent time together late last week, unfortunately due to Social Services closures we won’t get to see each other for another week, this means it will be 10 days since we last saw each other. Will she forget me in this time?

In terms of my mental health I certainly have Post Partum Depression but I guess that was to be expected, I feel I might have some mild psychosis symptoms but medication is keeping it at bay for the most part.

Hope everyone has a Happy Christmas and a lovely New Year x

Congratulations 🥂 I’m so glad you got to spend time with her. Of course she won’t forget you- your scent, voice etc she’s lived in you for nine months. I hope they can find someone to help with seeing her, social services surely will have someone on standby? Also I hope you feel better soon. Medication will help. Proud of you

It might be helpful to have a muzzy that you have when she is not with you - hold it close when you sleep at night & then when you see her she then has that one to take back to Dads house with her. Do the same with another one so they are swapped over each time.

@Mumtobe799 Congratulations! You are doing so well. I agree with the previous poster, your baby won’t forget you in that time. Wishing you both all the best.

Ah gosh OP, Congratulations to you. It must be so tough not seeing your little baby, I would have thought there might be some support in place for her to stay with you under supervision. How sad.
I'm sure she is missing her Mummy and you must be missing her terribly. I hope you are both reunited as soon as you are well enough, take care 💗

Social Services are of the view my mental health is just too much of a risk at this time.

It’s a very odd situation as I can pick my DC1 up for Christmas but not my baby. After Christmas I can see baby multiple times per week, it’s just getting through the next week and trying to make things magical for my DC1 given the circumstances x

Congratulations OP. Glad to here baby was healthy ❤

It must be so tough for you, but I promise you when you are reunited your baby will know exactly who you are. All she knew for 9 months was your warmth and your voice.

Hope you have a good Christmas and things start to get back on track for you in the new year. Take care of yourself xx

That does seem very odd and inconsistent but I guess you have to trust the professionals and that they can work out what is best to do. I hope you have a lovely Christmas with your dc1 and that you stay well and can enjoy lots of contact with your newborn after Christmas 🎄

A baby is more vulnerable than an older child. Also the OP's mental illness has been focused on the baby. At one point during her pregnancy she wanted to harm her baby in utero. They must be sure that the baby is not at any risk from OP before increasing contact or reducing supervision. The situation with the older child is different.

That is so unusual but I'm sure you are so glad to have dc1 with you for Christmas 🥰 Did you get to choose your baby's name?x

I did but the Dad is contesting and as baby lives with him it’s likely her name will be what he has chosen. It’s not fair on baby to be called one name consistently by Dad but then a different one by me.

Thank you x

Aw I'm sorry, that's quite selfish of him 😔 does he get to register her then?

No. I have to register her as we’re not married. I just feel it’s unfair to give her ‘my name’ when she is being referred to as a different name day-to-day.

They’re very different names; mine is quite traditional and ‘old fashioned’ whereas his is very ‘trendy’.

I don’t want to write the names but mine is the name of the actress who played Barbie and his is Robbie William’s daughter’s nickname but as her full name - so not similar at all.

Aw I think I know the name you picked, it's beautiful. Could you put that as her first name and his preference as her middle name?