Pre Proceedings Case.

[Anonymous1996R]

Hey. Please no judgement. I am currently going through pre proceedings with my daughter due to historic domestic violence and mental health issue which unfortunately resulted in me losing custody of my 8 year old son and him going to live with my sister in 2020. I’ve recently had my daughter and she is in my care however we are in pre proceedings. She’s 10 weeks and there has been nothing but praise and no concerns what so ever. I have done a lot of councelling and work on domestic violence through out my pregnancy. Anyway, I have a hair strand test next week and I know it’s going to come back positive for THC. I smoke 1 to 2 spliffs a night which I feel helps me with me anxiety and helps me get to sleep as I do still suffer with my mental health and PTSD. Will my daughter be taken away from me? I don’t drink or do anything else and it does not in any way effect my care for her but I’m just very scared that I will lose my daughter. Again please no judgement and thank you in advance xx

Anything you are doing to increase the chances that you also lose your daughter is not good for you. THC does not help anxiety. Do you smoke or vape THC in your home and around your daughter? If you go outside, how do you ensure her safety?

I don't think you can say no judgment, when you've already lost one child and are now risking losing your daughter. You need to reduce and seek professional help with your addiction.

I hope you will do what you can to sort yourself out and I hope SC and the courts will do what's safest and best for your baby.

Is the reasons for pre proceedings due to the previous history? Are the LA aware of your cannabis use? Have you accessed mental health support? Do you have sole care of your DD?

Whether you believe so or not 1-2 spliffs a night is impacting the care of your daughter. At only 10 weeks old she deserves a parent who isn't high every day. Whether this is the nail in the coffin with regards to the proceedings, I don't know, but the mere fact that it may be enough to have her removed from your care should be a big enough reason for you to have packed it in.

Essentially, it doesn't sound as if you have great insight at the moment.

You’re taking drugs daily while caring for a 10 week old baby, it doesn’t scream “responsible parent”. You’d be better off getting ahead of it, telling them the truth and seeking help for addiction, it may still not be enough but at least it would show steps taken in the right direction.

Yes it is. There has been no concerns for my care of my daughter. They are aware that I was a very heavy smoker smoking at least £30 worth a day but stopped during pregnancy and have cut it down to 1-2 spliffs a night outside away from my daughter. I have done councelling all throughout my pregnancy and continue to do everything asked of me it’s just the cannabis at night that I’m struggling with. My daughters father and I aren’t together but we are still friends and he helps caring for her as well. In all meetings everything has been extremely positive and they have absolutely no concerns about my care for her and she is thriving. It’s just this little crutch that has been a crutch of mine for 17 years xx

Do you have a solicitor?
What plan is your daughter on?
Did you have a PLO meeting

During your pre birth assessments what were the sw concerns regarding your care. Neglect?

Do you have a drug support worker. If not refer yourself to their services. They will help you with the weed addiction.
This will also show you are trying to make changes.

It’s really worrying that you’re referring to daily drug taking as “just a little crutch”. There’s really nothing little about it. If you’re in sole care of a 10 week old baby and taking drugs every night then that’s not a safe environment for a baby, that child is not safe.

Okay. So, who is caring for your DD when you smoke and then after, when you're under the influence?

I say that at the moment you lack insight, as there is a lot of minimisation going on here. I honestly don't say it to be harsh, but this is how the professionals will see it.

I lost custody of my son due to being in a extremely domestic violent relationship. I tried to leave on multiple occasions but suffered the consequences of trying to leave. Another beating. That doesn’t even scratch the surface on the trauma I’ve endured in my life and I personally do find it helps. There is a big stigma around cannabis however people do get it legally medicated for certain reasons. I don’t do it around her I smoke it outside away from her whilst her dad cares for her and when shes asleep in bed for the night. I also suffer with insomnia and it helps on the sleep side.

Are you willing to stop?

You do know you are supposed to sleep with your baby/in the same room until 6 months, so if you’re standing outside smoking for half an hour you’re not doing that?

Drug taking and co sleeping also increases the risk of SIDS.

And you don’t have a prescription, so that’s irrelevant, the answer would be the same if someone was drinking a bottle of wine every night when looking after a tiny baby alone- it’s not safe and it’s an addiction. If you want any chance of raising your baby, you need to stop now.

she Is extremely safe thank you. I would not let any harm come to her she is my world. I feel it helps me with my ADHD, OCD and my anxiety. I have tried going cold turkey and I couldn’t sleep, my mental health declined and my anxiety was through the roof.

You are putting her at risk of harm every single day that you take drugs. Even on a very basic level you’re increasing the risk of SIDS.

I smoke it outside away from my daughter not in my home.

I believe you that you have had a terrible time and I understand why you might be dependent on cannabis. I think you are in denial if you don't recognise that care proceedings are about ensuring that your daughter is safe and well looked-after and that your explanations for your drug use will not persuade anyone that you are putting your daughter's needs first. Your drug use is a risk to your daughter and to you being able to keep her in your care. You don't need to explain to me all the reasons why cannabis is okay. I'm open-minded about it. You are stupid to think you can negotiate this. You won't be able to. You are in denial. You are putting your addiction first above your daughter.

I don't want to be mean or harsh to you. I really don't. I am talking straight to you, and so are other PPs, because you are not facing reality.

This level of denial will not wash with social services. It sounds like you have no desire to quit in which case I expect you'll find they take a very dim view of leaving a baby in the care of a drug addict. Unfortunately for you it may be enough to lose your daughter.

Listen to people here, seek medical help, counselling, therapy, the GP, anything. Relying on drugs as a parent is going to cost you your baby.

The bottom line here is you are a drug addict. Whatever anyone's views are of weed it is currently illegal and you aren't just any other parent doing weed, your previous circumstances mean a decision on whether you keep your daughter is already being looked at.

Yes, and then you get into bed and sleep beside your daughter. That increases SIDS risk.

Also it impairs your thinking, it relaxes you enough that you can sleep meaning you’re less likely to immediately wake if she needs you, you could drop her, make a bottle incorrectly, the list goes on and on.

If you love your daughter and want to stand any chance of keeping her, stop now, get help to stop now. And don’t repeat what you’ve said here to your solicitor or social services because all you have done is try to minimise what is going on when the facts are you’re an addict, in active addiction, currently solely responsible for a 10 week old baby. That doesn’t scream “responsible parent” OP no matter how much you dress it up, it’s a drug addiction.

Absolutely. I want to but I have struggled to do so in the past as I’ve always turned to it when I’m sad or anxious or stressed or upset. It’s not a reason to do it but it’s all I’ve ever known since a young age and it just helps to chill me out in the evening but not impact on my care of my daughter in any single way. I’ve been looking at CBD vapes but even they have traces of THC but they are legal?

Cannabis impairs your judgement, so you aren’t giving your daughter 100%.

You can’t guarantee that no harm would come to her when you are high as a kite.

Do better for her.

it just helps to chill me out in the evening but not impact on my care of my daughter in any single way

^ This is the problem @Anonymous1996R This will cause you to lose your daughter. You are in denial.

How did you manage when you were pregnant?

Honestly it’s laughable that you can even think for a second you’re not putting your daughter in harms way by doing this OP. You’re in complete denial and you’ll lose your daughter over it.

I was in pre proceedings with my youngest following my eldest being adopted. You really do need to look at drugs and how they impact on your ability to look after your daughter. You may still be struggling with mental health following your abusive relationship (no judgement there so did i) but the fact that you use an illegal substance to cope when you are stressed, sad,anxious or upset is a massive concern as you will experience all those feelings raising a child and that could cause you to increase your usage.

without insight and true reflection of why your first child
was removed and the effect that will have had on your first child the local authority will remain very concerned.

you need to speak to a specialist drug service and get help and meaningfully engage

I wish you the best