DS 13 being moved to new foster placement and me not being contacted

[TheLovelinessOfDemons]

My DS has been in foster care for a year and we knew he was going to be moved. Social services haven't contacted me or the present foster carers, they rang DS yesterday and are picking him up today to take him God knows where.

As the only reason he's in foster care is bc I'm a widowed parent, in work and he has ADHD and needs an adult with him at all times, therefore my knowing his whereabouts won't threaten his safety in any way, can they legally move him without informing me?

In the past few years his DB moved in with my aunt bc he has an eating disorder and could eat there, his DF passed away and he's been taken away from me, as he sees it. I dread to think what this is doing to his mental health.

No. DS 13 feels "taken". He wasn't, but that's how he feels.

I would ask his Social Worker about one. It's when they use restrictive practices to ensure a person stays safe, so locked residential placements or 24/7 care teams. It should only be done when there is a real risk to safety, but the thought of a 12 year old missing for 19 days is just so scary.

Apart from the fact that no, apparently school wouldn't do that, I can't risk the drop in wages because that would mean working less than school hours. And then we're back to the problem with universal credit.

It's just so much more complicated than that. Some disabled children in residential schools are 'in care' but that doesn't mean parents were harming them. Also, a family’s needs and resources / ability to cope can fluctuate over time. It is also plausible, although unlikely, that SS have made serious errors of judgement. It does happen.

OP this is a heartbreaking situation and I admire your equanimity both with regard to having to give up your children and in response to the judgmental posters here. I didn't know that UC rules are this cruel.

I have no difficulty at all believing that the SW didn't communicate properly. I hope they learn and improve or else that your son gets a better one.

And I'm crossing my fingers that the new foster placement is good, that your son will be looked after well by warm, caring people who see the whole child, not just the 'discipline problems'.

What a let down you’ve had from the school!!! Absolutely shocking they couldn’t find some sort of solution (or even try to find one from the sounds of it)

How do you know he isn't safe with her? Perhaps she can't or doesn't want to spend 24 hrs a day supervising him if that is necessary

Or just bitchy personal comments that are basically no ones business but the OP's.
She's trying to understand why she wasn't told why her ds was moved without her being told. And she absolutely should have been, nothing in the posts can tell why she wasn't.

And the only thing that matters really is that the OP is feeling alienated, a lot of loss & now this has added to the trauma. This is not difficult to see in my opinion.

I've only read the first few pages but have read all your responses @TheLovelinessOfDemons.
Can't help with anything but just wanted to say you are getting a raw deal from posters on here mostly because they have not read or have failed to understand your original and subsequent posts. I do wish people would before piling in, criticising and accusing you of lying just because they have never come across a situation before.
So many people these days jumping to conclusions and making ill informed judgements.
Hope you and your DS can get some resolution OP💐

I can if he's not getting DLA. I've applied countless times.

I also agree she should have been told, which is why I said so in a previous post.

I did. I only just got a WhatsApp message back. After DS had already messaged me.

At our Job Centre they absolutely enforce it and they know the whole situation with both DSs and DH.

I find it incredible a child with such complex issues would not be entitled to DLA - have you had help to fill in the forms/appeal? Could la not have provided taxi support to get your son to and from school safely?
While I appreciate you have suffered a bereavement so have your children. They need you to fight for them at every step and not be passive/accepting. Please speak to a benefit adviser you may be eligible for bereavement support, LCW or LCWRA which would switch off your work commitments

I don't have much faith in his social workers after the way they treated the foster carers today. The foster carers are saying they'll never deal with them again and I don't blame them.

Have they moved him out of area because they're worried he's got caught up in county lines type of activities local to where he was? Where exactly WAS he when he wasn't at school or foster home, do they know?

I absolutely guarantee the foster carers asked for him to be moved because it was too much for them. They may have told you they were given 24 hours notice and told your DS the same, allowing you both to blame the system and avoid DS feeling rejected. It's a kinder way than letting a child know they can't deal with him any longer.

A new placement would need to be found, and the foster carers would need to be briefed about your absconding DS and agree to take on the challenge. He may be in a one-to-one placement where the foster carers agree not to take on another child in the placement (or have their own children in the home) because of the high level of support he needs.

You must also be truthful about why you signed Section 20. For a child to be at the threshold, SS would have realised DS was suspected to be suffering, or is likely to suffer, significant harm by staying with you. Your parenting skills were lacking; as you said, you left him in bed all day to go to work. Also, if he has an EHCP, citizens' advice would have been able to help you complete a DLA form and do it correctly, so he scored enough points for DLA. The DLA should be spent on him, not supporting your UC income, but it would allow you to be at home with him

One reason for a child being in care is that they are "beyond parental control" which sounds like the case here.

OP agreed to the placement so it's probably a section 20.

Sadly most Social services departments are on very tight budgets and can't (or won't) offer any actual practical support until things totally breakdown when suddenly they can access the finances for foster care (crazy and short sighted but sadly true)

SW's are overworked and often terrible at communicating. They are also used to having all the say and can often overlook keeping parents informed, even for those children on section 20,

The fact that the OP wasn't told about the move is much more likely to be bad practice than because of the OP being a danger.

How many children with SEND and extreme behaviours have you parented while being the only breadwinner?

How long has he been in care

£892pm is the AET before light touch group. Which is pat time and could be done within school hours.

I just think OP and her son have been failed in so many ways and really need some unbiased guidance. Does anyone know of any organisations that could help her with everything from UC, Carers allowance, DLA, help from outside Carers, DS's MH and meds etc. Are there any charities or advisory services that can cover all of this. It really sounds like she needs someone with the know how to really help fight her corner.

Most likely as many as OP it seems. Zero.

What do you expect the school to do with a pupil who doesn't show up and whose mum goes to work leaving the child at home? Are you expecting 2 teachers to give up their time every morning to go collect this child and then look after him until school, to then have to give up their afternoons until the mum finishes work, again supervising this child? Why should teachers be giving up 4 hours a day to make up for the OP?

@SeriouslyStressed @YouZirName Calm down ladies and stop being ridiculous of course I'm sufficiently qualified and understanding of the situation.