Page 8 | DS 13 being moved to new foster placement and me not being contacted

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 2024-10-28T12:52:10+00:00

My DS has been in foster care for a year and we knew he was going to be moved. Social services haven't contacted me or the present foster carers, they rang DS yesterday and are picking him up today to take him God knows where. As the only reason he's in foster care is bc I'm a widowed parent, in work and he has ADHD and needs an adult with him at all times, therefore my knowing his whereabouts won't threaten his safety in any way, can they legally move him without informing me? In the past few years his DB moved in with my aunt bc he has an eating disorder and could eat there, his DF passed away and he's been taken away from me, as he sees it. I dread to think what this is doing to his mental health.

nosmartphone · 28/10/2024 20:49

BackForABit · 28/10/2024 20:10

I know non verbal children in nappies at special schools get MRC and no mobility and fully verbal, academically 'normal' autistic children with a private diagnosis get HRC LRM straight away. The system is not always fair.

Many (most?) of the Looked After Children I have worked with or know of have ADHD.

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There's absolutely no way I would keep a full time paying job if my child needed me more at home. In fact, that was the case so I've gone self employed. I earn less than minimum wage which IF I WAS SINGLE the governement would top up to what this OP is probably earning.

There is a solution there. I'm available for my child. I spent time researching how to get DLA to ensure his needs were met (in my case, other complex medical issues, but in fairness ADHD does not make a kid run off, he's probably got other issues alongside also)

IF I WAS SINGLE, I could also apply for UC and carer's allowance. The irony is, we worked out that if I was single I'd be better off financially than I am now.

I just don't believe people when they say there's no way for a single parent to jack her FT job in and afford to live. Most people working minimum hours are topped up to way beyond what FT people are earning.

This lady needs proper guidance and support and I'm absolutely gobsmacked that her child just went into care. Makes absolulely no sense whatsoever.

Original poster

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 28/10/2024 20:51

BackForABit · 28/10/2024 20:04

There are many, many reasons children end up in care. Some posters are being very judgemental and pretending it's for legitimate reasons.

OP - I do think you should find out whether your DS is under a Section 20 (https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/section-20-accomodation/) as you have far more rights if this is the case and it sounds like it is.

I do think Social Care should have helped you obtain DLA (and therefore Carer's Allowance and Universal Credit without need to search for work) in the first instance - did you ever appeal the DLA decision? It's madness that a child with such severe ADHD that it causes a family breakdown isn't awarded at least middle rate care DLA. At his next review could you ask Social Care about what other help they can offer? There's a wide range of things SS can help with, including financially so perhaps instead of paying a foster carer they could offer you financial assistance and help obtaining DLA?

Finally, does DS have an EHCP?

The social workers seem to be very keen on blaming me when I really have no choice but to work. Yes he does have an EHCP, he was finally granted one in the summer before year 7, his primary school really pushed it through. He'd been refused before.

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Original poster

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 28/10/2024 20:54

nosmartphone · 28/10/2024 20:06

Surely if your child is that bad, he'd get DLA at high rate and you'd be able to claim carer's allowance and be unable to work as you're the carer?

None of this makes sense.

I have a child with ADHD. The absolute worst thing I could do for him is to send him away, that's only going to exacerbate issues.

If this was genuinely the only course of action we'd have foster homes full of ADHD kids.

It's significantly cheaper for the govt for you to claim UC as a top up to say 'working from home self employed' (could literally be anything - make something) and him be with you than to pay foster carers who get about £2k+ a month .

Pack your job in. Go self employed. Claim UC.

DH was self employed, they told him he wasn't earning enough to support his family and he had to look for work.

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Quitelikeit · 28/10/2024 20:55

Why not call them and ask?

Its clear that a move was requested by his carers - something has become available and he is going ASAP

He is going quickly as the circumstances are deemed to warrant that

Thank god for SS!

You could have called the dept today and someone could have easily told you

Secradonugh · 28/10/2024 20:57

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 28/10/2024 20:43

She's my aunt not my sister and yes she is. And yes I do have parental responsibility for DS 13.

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Sorry i must have misread a previous post. Okay. if you still have parental responsibility then most definately they should have told you at the bare minimum. I'm trying to find it in the procedures guides online at tye moment.

Original poster

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 28/10/2024 20:58

LG123 · 28/10/2024 20:23

I wouldn't let a job mean my child ends up in the care system.

Why not go part time? Use some sort of childcare or transport service to get him ti and from school? You maybe able to get help with childcare? If is ADHD is this bad I am surprised you aren't able to seek more support for him like DLA meaning you wouldn't have to work under UC's rules.

Because if I don't earn a certain amount universal credit insist I look for other work.

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Original poster

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 28/10/2024 21:00

Willyoujustbequiet · 28/10/2024 20:25

There is no work requirement if you are a carer which you would be if he lived with you.

You also get additional elements on UC.

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When he was living with me they were requiring me to earn over a certain amount. That's how we ended up here. He doesn't get DLA and I've tried so many times.

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Lovemusic82 · 28/10/2024 21:01

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 28/10/2024 20:58

Because if I don't earn a certain amount universal credit insist I look for other work.

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Not if your child has a disability, you are classed as a carer and won’t have to look for work.

Quitelikeit · 28/10/2024 21:01

I don’t believe that you can be forced to work if you are caring for children with severe care needs

You could have got a letter from health and education to confirm his needs and behaviours in order to support your application for DLA.

Quitelikeit · 28/10/2024 21:02

So how comes you didn’t call the SW today?

Or calling the duty SW tonight?

Original poster

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 28/10/2024 21:03

ApolloandDaphne · 28/10/2024 20:28

I think that what you really need to do is give his SW a ring tomorrow and ask why you weren't informed he has moved and check he has settled well. At the end of the day he is the most important person in all this.

Luckily, DS has messaged me on Discord and told me the town he's in, and wants to arrange to meet in a town nearby on Saturday, obviously with the foster carer's permission.

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Secradonugh · 28/10/2024 21:04

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 28/10/2024 20:58

Because if I don't earn a certain amount universal credit insist I look for other work.

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Ah you mean the 18 x minimum hourly wage? To then enable UC? She would still be leaving DS for 4 hours a day where he would still be inclined to run away.

ApolloandDaphne · 28/10/2024 21:04

That's good to know @TheLovelinessOfDemons. At least you have spoken to him and know he is settled and will see him soon.

Original poster

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 28/10/2024 21:06

BackForABit · 28/10/2024 20:32

A 13 year old boy ran away from foster care for 19 days? Did anyone know where he was? I don't say this lightly, but perhaps he needs a Deprivation of Liberty order?

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No, no one knew where he was, and he was 12 at the time. What's a Deprivation of Liberty order? Should I suggest this to the social workers?

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Secradonugh · 28/10/2024 21:06

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 28/10/2024 21:03

Luckily, DS has messaged me on Discord and told me the town he's in, and wants to arrange to meet in a town nearby on Saturday, obviously with the foster carer's permission.

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Excellent news! It would be worth contacting SW in the morning to discuss communication with the foster parents

Willyoujustbequiet · 28/10/2024 21:06

I had no requirement to work because I was in receipt of carers. As long as you can evidence 35 hours care. You need to reapply for the DLA.

My DC have ADHD and we get it. Maybe a welfare advisor could help you fill the forms in?

Miyagi99 · 28/10/2024 21:07

If it is a matter of escorting him to and from school can you look for school hours? I was a single parent and worked school hours only (breakfast club now and again and holiday club in the holiday) so I could take my child to and from school. UC topped up my income. Yes I was meant to look for more hours but they did not enforce it. A lot of NHS admin is flexi and/or remote working. As soon as I was able to (when child went to college) I increased my hours.

BackForABit · 28/10/2024 21:07

Do you want him to live at home OP, if it could work financially?

Sounds like you are topped up by UC. If you have Parental Responsibility take unpaid parental leave (your legal right) and arrange for him to come back (it sounds like he's under section 20 so you can 'take him back').

Use that time to re-apply for DLA, particularly now you have the EHCP as evidence.

Your earnings will drop but UC will top you up even more and you won't be expected to look for work while exercising your right to unpaid parental leave. Use a food bank if you have to, but hopefully you will get topped up enough.

Go back to Social Care and ask for financial assistance and help with the DLA application (https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/child-in-need-services/)

Consider asking for an emergency EHCP Annual Review and looking at Social Emotional Mental Health secure special schools. If he gets a placement at home he will have door to door transport provided. This gives you more hours to work and you will know he will get to school.

Child in need - childlawadvice.org.uk

This page explains the duty of Children’s Services under section 17 Children Act 1989 to provide services to children in need in their area. It explains the definition of a child in need, the assessment process and child in need plans and the types of...

https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/child-in-need-services/)

PetalsAndFlowers · 28/10/2024 21:08

PetalsAndFlowers · 28/10/2024 20:33

OP I have no advice but I just wanted to send you a giant hug. I guessed at the first part that it was likely due to universal credit’s ridiculously strict and heartless rules that you’re in this situation.
There seems to be a lot of people on this thread with wealth privilege and don’t know what it’s like to be a single parent on UC. You can’t just ‘give up work to look after your son’ as people are suggesting because UC simply won’t allow it, as you’ve rightly pointed out - then you’d get sanctioned and you and your DS would have no money to live on. Obviously you’d rather have him with you, that goes without saying but UC is so broken you don’t have a choice 😿 this is absolutely heartbreaking and a huge show of how broken our country is. There’s so many people out there who don’t work for no real reason yet you have a genuine reason why you shouldn’t have to look for work yet UC don’t care about your son’s safety. It’s disgusting it really is. You clearly love your son a lot & are doing what’s best for them, even though I can imagine how much it must of broken your heart to put them in car 🫂 I don’t have any advice, but I’m just so sorry 🩷

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Also wanted to add for the case of people who don’t claim UC how strict the rules are - anyone who is a single parent with a child over 3 years old has to work a minimum of 30 hours a week, anyone with a child over 12 has to work a minimum of 35 hours a week. The rules are a lot more lax if you’re in a couple - only one parent has to be working full time, but they come down A LOT harsher on single parents. People might think they’d be better off, but in reality they wouldn’t be as they’d be down the JC every week getting told they’ve got to get more work and apply for everything going up to a 2 hour commute away, regardless of childcare issues. They really don’t care! I have a friend on UC who I work with (so she’s already in work!) and she applies for 40+ jobs a week and her work coach still tells her she’s not doing enough and how now ordered that she applies for night work - her child is 4 years old and the job centre expect her to work overnight and leave her child on her own 🤦‍♀️
a lot of it depends on the work coach you get as some of them are complete c*nts - others are nicer. I really hope and pray your situation gets sorted OP 🩷

Allthehorsesintheworld · 28/10/2024 21:08

First, I’m very sorry for your loss of your husband. I’m sure grief is affecting you and both your children. I know from experience it doesn’t go away, we just get used to living with it ( and its shit) https://www.sueryder.org/grief-support/online-bereavement-support/ might be helpful.
Sadly I can believe a SW decided to contact your son directly about his move, I’ve known them do a few odd things ( more than a few odd things, knew one who decided one young non-verbal person’s entire photo diary collection should be destroyed….for no reason other than she , SW, had never seen a client have such a collection before🤷‍♀️)

Its not easy to find support for parents of children in care but I found this group
https://frg.org.uk/get-help-and-advice/a-z-of-terms/looked-after-child-review/

I don’t know if the NSPCC would be a source of support. I can’t find anything specific about this aspect, only educational things they publish.

and this https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/contact-with-a-child-in-care/ might give you some legal info.

Wishing you and your dc the best, I hope you all get all the support and help you want.

Looked after child review

A looked after child review is a regular meeting that takes place for every child who is looked after in the care system.

https://frg.org.uk/get-help-and-advice/a-z-of-terms/looked-after-child-review

Original poster

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 28/10/2024 21:09

Quitelikeit · 28/10/2024 20:55

Why not call them and ask?

Its clear that a move was requested by his carers - something has become available and he is going ASAP

He is going quickly as the circumstances are deemed to warrant that

Thank god for SS!

You could have called the dept today and someone could have easily told you

The only information they've given me, and this was just now, is the woman's name.

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Quitelikeit · 28/10/2024 21:09

Posters suggesting this woman care for her children are going in the wrong direction I’m afraid

The children are not with her because she cannot meet their needs and by staying with her were likely to or have suffered significant harm

Original poster

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 28/10/2024 21:10

EalingLucy · 28/10/2024 20:32

Sorry you’re being piled on OP. This sounds like a really hard situation. Definitely call the SWs and let them know you need to be informed before they move him in future and also you’d like to know the reasons behind the move. It’s not idea from a stability pov.

I know the reason.

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Original poster

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 28/10/2024 21:11

EalingLucy · 28/10/2024 20:32

What job do you do op?

Lobby crew in McDonald's. Is that relevant?

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Miyagi99 · 28/10/2024 21:12

PetalsAndFlowers · 28/10/2024 21:08

Also wanted to add for the case of people who don’t claim UC how strict the rules are - anyone who is a single parent with a child over 3 years old has to work a minimum of 30 hours a week, anyone with a child over 12 has to work a minimum of 35 hours a week. The rules are a lot more lax if you’re in a couple - only one parent has to be working full time, but they come down A LOT harsher on single parents. People might think they’d be better off, but in reality they wouldn’t be as they’d be down the JC every week getting told they’ve got to get more work and apply for everything going up to a 2 hour commute away, regardless of childcare issues. They really don’t care! I have a friend on UC who I work with (so she’s already in work!) and she applies for 40+ jobs a week and her work coach still tells her she’s not doing enough and how now ordered that she applies for night work - her child is 4 years old and the job centre expect her to work overnight and leave her child on her own 🤦‍♀️
a lot of it depends on the work coach you get as some of them are complete c*nts - others are nicer. I really hope and pray your situation gets sorted OP 🩷

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My work coach didn’t bother me at all and although I don’t need UC now I work with someone who claims it, they work 30 hours a week, are single and child free and have been receiving UC since 2020. I wonder if our area is just a bit relaxed when it comes to monitoring.