Contact and abuse help please!!

[ContactNightmare]

I am hoping someone can help me with some reassurance or experience on a very difficult situation. have s contact order with ex for DD.

DD13 started to show signs of depression last year, started to self harm and then disclosed physical abuse and sexual abuse from ex. All of this went to the police and SS.

SS did a section 47 and said no contact. Police have now investigated but said not enough evidence to prosecute. In CAMHS and looks like it will be a long time until discharge. PTSD symptoms.

Ex is seeking contact. Wants to mediate. Obviously I can’t. But what the hell do I do? She is 13; can’t she say what she wants? PTSD makes it complex?

It feels totally crazy making to have this guy present himself as a normal father - DD really messed up by what has happened.

I'm so sorry this has happened. Could you get legal advice on DD's rights? Or just tell your ex what dd has said and tell him she didn't want to see him ever again? Let him take you to court for access if he wants?

Very difficult situation; I feel for you.

I agree with this. How awful

Your poor dd and you. Block him. Let him take you to court. A court will not force contact for a child this age. Mediation is not recommended when abuse is involved

I told him. He reckons contact would be beneficial. I feel ill

Who gives a shit what he thinks. Block him and don’t listen to his shit

Yes, block him. Focus on you and your dd. 💐

Fuck what he thinks. He just wants continued access to his victim.

As a PP said, refuse contact and let him take you to court if that’s what he wants to do. A court is not going to force contact on a 13-year-old who say she doesn’t want to see her father because he sexually abuses her.

I’ve now been accused of failing to safeguard my child and he’s reported me to SS

Have SS been in touch with you to tell you this? They have a record of what your child has been through and their own no contact order. Maybe it will help get evidence that he is trying to get access to continue abuse or at least harassment of your daughter.

Ask for the same worker you dealt with previously. Don't allow them to take this man seriously. Wishing you both all the strength in this nightmare.

Gets worse. Now being taken to court for violating the contact order. It’s like a parallel universe where I did the wrong thing. He doesn’t care about her or what she wants

This is a good thing - you get the chance to put your side over to court and get expert reports ordered. Don’t agree to any contact until you have a section 7 report completed.

What was in the court order previously regarding contact? Do you have a copy of the assessment completed by the social worker including her account of his abuse?
cafcass should be appointed to do an assessment if he applies to court and they will be able to ask children's services about the history of the case. Also at her age her wishes will be given significant weight.

We had EOW and half the holidays.

DD still receiving therapy and treatment for how she has been treated. If she is making it up (which is his claim) then she is doing a first class job. I assume all of this is relevant!

Yes I got the report. It was grim reading.

Every professional I meet on this looks very sorry for me and her. That sounds good but doesn’t feel it

Is it just her or do you have younger kids? Stopping contact for a 13 year old isn't a huge difficulty. Stopping for younger children can be harder, even when the father is an abuser 🤬

Just the one. Got out early when I realised exactly what a mistake I had made. He is very obsessive and bitter

Tbh curious how long courts take these days? Isn’t it ages? She could be 14 by the time we got there?

A cafcass report is currently around 20 weeks. Then responses from parties another 4 and if it goes to final hearing maybe another 10-16 depending where you are. It’s a long process

You’ll be all right. The court would be reluctant to force contact on a teenager who didn’t want it, even if they weren’t claiming abuse.

Try not to panic. If she doesn’t want to see him then the court won’t make her.

She's 13. No court is going to insist on contact against her wishes.

It is hard, but you are doing a good job standing firm against him. The lev of evidence for the family court to prevent contact is in general lower than the CPS need to prosecute.
You are following advice of SS by preventing contact and this is what counts.

It’s just more abuse. I’m going to need an order to stop him coming to my house and other places. Money spent on lawyers instead of holidays, fun things. More of her life affected and ruined. And mine.

Hi @ContactNightmare How is it now? I hope you and your DD are ok. Im about to embark on this, for the third time, this time a lot of concrete evidence but still incredibly worried about how it will end up. Its so so crazy. Why the family court even exists is beyond me, its so broken its not fit for purpose. I hope you got through it and the end was the right one?