Child maintenance high earner 50/50

[Needadviceslug]

I earn about 17k a year, part of which is PIP and being reassessed, so could drop below 15k a year. I have health issues and can't work more then I do unfortunately. I am struggling.

He earns 100k a year.

We have 50/50 shared care.

What this really means is we have them equal amounts of over nights over a 2 week period. I do after schools except for 2 evenings a week where he has 2 of the children while I take the other one to one of their hobbies. I have them school holidays etc.

I buy their essentials.
I pay for school trips etc
We split their hobbies between us
I do all the emotional labour for them. He won't even put the school notice app onto his phone so he knows what's going on.

He "Disney dads it". Will argue about buying new school shoes but will happily buy them an iPad. They have everything they want at his house. Here they have little and have to share a room.

There is a big money discrepancy in our lifestyle and ability and income. I didn't work and damaged my career being a stay at home parent because he thought it would be best and refused to support me to work paying childcare or anything before we split. I basically supported his career and now he has a great career and I have scraps.

I get the child benefit

I assumed there would be no child maintenance to pay as we have 50/50 shared care.
However on the advice of a friend I just looked up the calculator. It says I would be entitled to £631 a month even though it's 50/50 shared care.

I have raised this to him and he is adamant I am wrong. He's sending me screen shots of the government website saying there is nothing payable 50/50 shared care. He's now looking at fathers rights forums and is adamant he owes me nothing.

So does he owe me maintenance or not?

I am so tired of being poor and struggling while my kids all think Dad is amazing.

We parent amicably. I don't want to explode out situation putting a CMS claim in if I am likely to still get nothing.

If just feels unfair that I (stupidly) gave up my career so we didn't have to pay childcare so he could build his and now my kids see me as the house with little and him as gives them everything Dad when although technically we have shared care 50/50 really I still do all the emotional labour and am responsible for the essential stuff.

Is the government calculator correct or not?

Do the CMS calculator and apply for it, they will decide whether it needs to be paid.

Take work for during the days that he is responsible for, that way you will increase your income giving you more financial stability and he will need to arrange childcare for the days he is responsible because you won't be free.

He’s continuing to take advantage, if it’s his day he needs to drop and pick up from school and pay for childcare if needed. You need to stop facilitating his career.
He needs to do 50% of holidays if he doesn’t want to pay for childcare that’s on him and he can deal with the kids playing up because they are bored. You need to stop facilitating him being Disney dad in your kids eyes.

12, 6 and 3. I work part time due to ill health. I do admin that is quite flexible as long as I get the work load done and work my number of hours so I work when kids are at school or on his nights in the holidays

No matter how flexible your job is, that flexibility should benefit you before you offer your spare time to the ex. If he did 50/50 properly, you might have capacity to pick up more hours at work to benefit you and your DC. Even if you couldn’t do that, it is your time to relax or do whatever you need to do to prioritise your wellness, which also benefits your kids.

You’re a lovely person who found herself in the clutches of someone so subtly controlling I don’t think you fully realise yet how much of your life he is still dictating. As soon as you set a boundary, “I’m not able to take the kids after school on your days next week as I need some down time” you’ll see who he is. My guess is he will push bank quite angrily.

Of course you have an amicable coparenting relationship. You are still doing all the work and making all the career sacrifices.

he needs to be responsible for 24 hours for every overnight. That means all childcare and all expenses associated with that 24 hours. He pays for aftercare. He buys the uniform. He pays for school lunch or he packs a lunch. If a child is sick, he gets a phone call. If school is closed, he deals with it.

Otherwise he is just using you to reduce his financial and logistical responsibility.

Call and say it's for info. That won't trigger anything.

Do you not get any universal credit help OP? They would help with childcare too

I get some universal credit yes. :)

He sounds like such an asshole OP! I'm sorry! I would definitely without a doubt stop the daytime/after school childcare on his days. It's his day!

This doesn't sound like 50/50 at all to me

You can just ring for some very simple advice I think

CMS is calculated on nights. Whether you have a child for a few hours on "his" day isn't relevant. Where there is exactly 50/50 shared care in terms of nights with each parent, no CM is payable. That is the advice of my divorce lawyer (I also looked on the calculator and it said I would be entitled to some, but I'm not).

If it's not exactly 50/50 and you have more nights, then you would be entitled to some.

He either needs to actually do 50/50 or pay you the maintenance he owes you. I'd raise it with CMS.

Do you claim child benefit?

You need to read the post I made on 1 july. "Shared care" can mean 2 different things.