Contesting a will

[Spendysis]

I will start by saying dm hasn’t passed away yet
i have posted before about my dsister who has sole poa helping herself to dm bank account and there is apparently an ongoing investigation with office of guidance i reported and they have said they are investigating but I never get any updates
i have also reported it to adult social services I did the initial call and I keep missing the call from the social worker due to work

anyway having recently seen dm and found paperwork for equity release on dm house that she initially said she knew nothing about the said it must be dsister i questioned if she has convinced her to change her will of which dm said she didn’t know then changed the subject

i presume I can’t do anything while dm is still alive and will have to wait until she passes to find out if it has been changed nc with dsister she has blocked me when I politely called a family meeting about money missing from dm bank account. So does anyone have an experience of contesting a will or do I just have to accept dsister who has already had tens of thousands of pounds lent to her but never paid back and now just freely spends dm money will get everything

I have also contacted a solicitor to see if there is anyway to contest the will or have it investigated now or if I have to wait for dm to pass away

I still can’t understand why you haven’t reported the financial abuse to the police your mums will is private I don’t know what you hope to achieve a will can be amended at any time if she’s changed it then as long as she had capacity and has been correctly witnessed it stands. She is still alive so I do t follow on what basis you disputing a wil

I think it’s crazy to wait until your mum dies to then contest her will. Try to sort it out while she can still say what she wants.

I believe contesting a will is extremely expensive and the chances of success are vanishingly small.

I am not a lawyer though

There is very little you can do about this. I also have a toxic sister who did exactly the same thing. Coerced a change of will, removed beneficiaries and executors, changed the POA deputies.

Unless you mother is prepared to speak up, there is nothing you can do.

If she is deemed not to have capacity (and that's a very high bar), then you might be able to claim elder abuse / financial abuse, and involve the police.

My mum didn't understand what was going on, and even if she did, my toxic sister is a total nightmare, so my mum would not have wanted to poke the bear.

Sorry you are going through this. It's very upsetting.

Social services must of contacted the police as they called me yesterday to arrange to come and talk to me gave them my work hours and they are calling me back

Good luck with this, sorry your are having to go through this.

@Weenurse thank you it’s so upsetting

heard from a friend well someone dd works with in the local shop dsis was away this weekend so thought me and dd could go round and see her without dsis monitoring she’s had a ring doorbell fitted linked to her phone and every time I visit she rings dm while I am there

was turning into the driveway and dsis friend was pulling out and I felt she was a bit abrupt with me considering we have socialised for years through dsis but obviously she only has dsis side of the story she wound her window down so i said hi you ok? She said if you are going to see your mum she’s away and drove off never occurred to me dsis had taken dm away dm is just usually the one who funds dsis trips

no idea why she was in dm house she has no pets and she wasn’t drawing the curtains etc it’s hurtful I no longer have a key to my childhood home as dsis has changed the locks but her friend has and how people are treating me when i haven’t done anything wrong

Crikey. This reminds me of my recent XH. Controlling coercive and abusive. The ring doorbell makes me shudder. I see exactly why shes done it and exactly how she will explain it.

It is DV/Financial abuse but a step removed (IYSWIM) Your mother and not you, directly, but Lord only knows what your sister is saying to your mother.
It is hard enough proving this with a husband. Let alone with a (frankly evil) sister.

I am wishing you all the luck OP, I think you need to step up your game hugely and quickly, though I see you have made great steps already in logging concerns. You have done all the right things. A paper trail is KEY. Inform everyone about this. Why is the friend even there? House evaluation is my guess? Removing items?

FWIW I see similar happening in my family.

we had discussed getting a ring door bell fitted when dm was still driving and claiming to go food shopping but didn’t dsis only fitted after she sold dm car not disputing that dm should still be driving but no prizes for guessing whose bank account the money from the sale of dm car went into dm always promised my dd her car. Dsis promised it her and always told my ds he would get the same money none Idea where she was planning to get this money from and neither the car or the money were hers to give

My dd who is 22 currently studying a masters in psychology has asked my permission to speak to her granny alone who she idolised growing up as a strong woman to tell her how sad and disappointed she is in her for not bothering with her only 2 gc anymore how she has treated us and allowed dsis to manipulate her she fully accepts everything will go to my dsis money jewellery but she would like the diary dm kept for her and my ds until they were both 18 dm was a teacher and the diary is just dm is recording their achievements swimming lessons rainbow badges school achievements etc

What a sad stressful situation dsis has caused for us all

The police haven’t got back to me to arrange coming to see me I am off work next week should I try and contact them to arrange it or just leave it and wait for them it’s been a few weeks now

It’s more convenient for me to arrange for next week and I just want it over and done with

Well it looks like dsis has managed to do the equity release I registered for alerts on the land registry and an email came through yesterday saying there is a pending charge on dm house

This is good. Encourage SW to hand over to police.

What a nasty piece of work your sister is. Give the police all the information it's elder financial abuse.

Move as swiftly as you can.

Well done you. You have done this all by the book and been very patient and a lovely daughter.

Your sister sounds awful.

I would update the police with what is happening. So sorry your sister is doing this to your mum

I have just got off the phone to the police they are going to contact adult social services and the office of public guidance and potentially dm and dsis

@BlackStrayCat thank you for your kind words they mean a lot as I am finding this situation so upsetting

How awful for your mother and you, OP. I hope you get someone to take action.

I am massively overthinking what i said to the police I always do this after a job interview or exam though I just felt on the spot as I was expecting them to arrange a time to come out not talk to me there and then over the phone

Try not to overthink. It's been a long time coming. You are protecting your vulnerable mum. Be brave. You are doing the right thing.

OP you really need to keep on the case with the police. Your sister is a low life thief and deserves to be prosecuted.

she does deserve everything she gets I am just overthinking things I missed out and that i could of explained and worded things better

I presume the police will come back to me after they have spoken with mums social worker OPG and possibly dm and dsis

I have no regrets about going to adult social services who have involved the police. I am more concerned I mess it up and she ends up getting away with it.

None of this is on you, you are doing more than you would be expected to. And if you forget something or new information comes to light then you can update them and they’ll act on the new information. You are doing great