Wrongfully being accused by brother and wife

[ForJoyousDog]

I don't know what to do! My brother has POA for finances for my mother, which he has actioned and now deals with her banking. He and his wife are doing an audit of mum's spending since dad died in 2019. Mum became a recluse after his death, the mobility car had to be returned. I live 750 miles from mum, my brother 12 miles but to help mum I did her grocery shopping online using her debit card. This turned into birthday cards, gifts, hobby materials etc but everything with her authority to use her account and card. My brother and his wife have said that now my brother "has unrestricted access to mum's account and are working closely with the bank as there are suspicious payments that have come out of her account". I have done nothing wrong, certainly not used my mothers bank account as my own but the accusation has been going on since January, the messages I get are hateful, they are relishing trying to destroy me, my husband won't support me because he told me this would happen and he is angry as to how this makes him look. My mother has told my brother that I had authority to do any shopping etc using her card, but it is still going on. I'm not eating, sleeping and my relationship is suffering. What can I do to make this stop does anyone have any ideas please?

Oh if that’s the op it does explain why she’s not evidenced the spends, it would be so easy, and why her husband is saying he won’t support her and knew this would happen. I really hope it’s not the case though. And she’s not been effectively stealing from her mother. That would be shocking.

If your mother still has capacity, she can cancel the POA.

It all depends on what your mother agreed to when the LPA was set up... however surely your brother should accept your mother's word in respect of agreed expenditure of her money for gifts etc (that you helped her to purchase as she had no other means to do so). Some appointed LPAs are questionable in my experience... 🤨 They can be revoked if not deemed to be acting in the donors best interests albeit the donor should be able to make this decision (if not it goes to court of protection to make the decision) x

You’ve done nothing wrong OP. And your brother and sil are wasting their time doing what they’re doing, as your mum would have to report to the police and bank that she knew nothing about these purchases, which you say she admits she knew and was happy with you doing her shopping for her on her behalf. If your mum continues to support your version of events, and she has all her faculties, they can shout until they’re blue in the face, but nothing will come of it.

Get the text messages or whatever you can your mum sent you and search the online orders.

I'd get some legal advice just so you know where you stand. As far as you're concerned you've done nothing wrong so you've nothing to hide.

Do you ever see your mum in person? Is she able to talk to you on the telephone?

Maybe he's peed off because his wife won't help and he's taking it out on you and mum. You can't control what your mum says about you but he's obviously not happy about it - that's not your problem.

If he wants to salvage your relationship he needs to let you have evidence to back up what he's saying and then you can prove that what he's saying is wrong. It would be interesting for you to see copies of bank statements so you can see if there's any anomalies - sums of money spent/withdrawn that look suspicious. He might just look at the bank statements and assume you're spending on yourself because it looks that way - you know different. Prove him wrong and keep notes about conversations/accusations - don't give him any evidence of transactions you've made on mum's behalf because you don't know what he might do with it - just make a list of all for yourself and your own records. Tell him to put everything in writing by email so you have a record/
paper trail.

Hope that helps.

The OP is worried
and so she should be

she bought herself and her husband presents on her mothers credit card

her mother has full capacity and has clearly
appointed her son as POA because she’s been concerned about the OP’s spending but hasn’t felt able to do anything about it. Her son is now on the case and doing a damn good job by the sounds of it

What? 🤣

Her DM has written a letter to her own bank confirming that she authorised everything the OP purchased on her card. She has told OP’s brother already that she authorised all payments.

So where do you manage to get that her DM is concerned about OP’s spending and feels like she can’t say anything?

Are you on glue?

Or are you the SIL? You’re the SIL aren’t you? 😂

Wow, you’re making a lot of assumptions there! From this and your other posts you clearly think this lady is guilty of fraud. Stop being so nasty.

”are you on glue”

are you 14 years old in the 1990s? 😆

If her mother has full capacity, and, as OP has stated, has confirmed she authorised the payments, why is the brother interfering ? Sounds to me as though he’s unclear as to what a lasting power of attorney is for, because even if the LPA has been registered to use immediately, her mother still has control while she has capacity.

My brother and his wife have said that now my brother has unrestricted access to mum's account and are working closely with the bank as there are suspicious payments that have come out of her account".

This is what makes me suspicious that the brother isn’t acting within the terms of the LPA. I have my mums’ LPA for both health and finanical affairs and mum still has capacity - the LPA was registered to be used with immediate effect so that things are easier as her condition affects her capacity. When that happens I will have to register the LPA with the bank, along with evidence that she no longer has the capacity to deal with her financial affairs before they will allow access without mums’ permission. Something doesn’t add up here.

Talk about assumptions! You seem to have made a firm judgement based on what exactly?

Ah so you are the SIL…😂

I clearly touched a nerve if that’s the best response you could come back with.

Yes i’m the SIL and I am on glue 😆

I could be the brother surely?

You could be yes.

Either way you’re a fan of fiction.

Seemingly making up stories as you go along, that aren’t remotely related to the things the OP has actually said.

Ignore @crayfishyum I've seen them on about 4 different threads today being deliberately obtuse and trying to wind people up. They must be leading a very miserable life.

Seems to me your SIL may have a lot to do with these accusations being made by your brother.

Strange isn't it?

My husband has poa for his parents & honestly I have no interest at all in their finances!

i may be wrong but from my understanding, anyone can nominate someone to be a POA at any point however they will only have the power in the case of lack of capacity. It would also depend if he has POA for finance, health or both.
if someone has dementia they may still have capacity, or they may have capacity about finances but not their health vice versa.
if your mum has capacity regarding her finance then it’s nothing to do with your brother if he was genuinely concerned he’d seek the advice of police/solictors.
just from now on tell your mum your sorry and can’t do the shopping due to this issue as harsh as that sounds, if your brother fails to provide her with what he wants then seek to revoke the poa from him as it’s neglected. Good luck

If POA only kicked in in Jan there’s nothing legally they can do.

Ask them to list the money they and unsure of and spend time working it out what it was

Of course they can, don’t be silly.

I think the more apt point is they can't do anything at all if the mum agrees she authorised the payments!!! The poa doesn't mean they can over rule the mums wishes!!