Anyone with Child arrangements orders experience?

[Tiptoptum]

My ex took me to court for a child arrangement order. During the final hearing mention was made of the visits increasing in X months.

I didn’t agree with it and I wasn’t certain it was “Ordered” anyway.

The other side believed it was and it was put in the Order and sent to the Judge.

It came back signed off, but the bit about access increasing on X date wasn’t there.

He didn’t challenge it, and I didn’t want it anyway, so I left it.

Now ex has told our child how in X weeks he is having them on X night as well.

Now, ex seems to feel that the Order is fluid for him, but rigid for me. He is clearly going to just take the extra night, despite it not being in the Order that he quotes regularly.

Where do I stand with this? I’m worried if I return to court then he will jump on and go for more access (and may get it who knows) but if I ignore it then it’s just a total mockery of the Order and he will just continue doing what he wants to do?

I am in a complete quandary what to do, we already have issues over persistent lateness bringing home and refusal to give passports back to me to look after (also in the Order) so it’s not like this is one thing and just adding another night is quite a big thing.

Child is 9 and it’s a lives with order in my favour, with him currently EOW and one night for tea.

Report passport lost. Notify him by email you've reported it lost.

It's a mockery of the court system. Be careful being complicit in his breach of the court order. If he gets away with it a judge is more likely to change it to what's now commonplace.

If he's getting what he wants unofficially I'm wondering what's to lose? If it's official in a court order then it's no different to him doing what he wants.

Document every day what time he picks up and drops off. Document request for passport and refusals. All of this is known to be unacceptable behaviour and hopefully a senior judge will be fed up of his nonsense.

My only real concerns over returning to court is a) the cost and b) that he will bound in there using it as another attempt at 50/50.

He is hellbent on 50/50 due to maintenance, he made it clear before I left that he would push for that to not pay child maintenance

I have asked this question somewhere else and others are saying because I know the Judge spoke about it that I should allow it, because the Judge not including it is a “mistake” and that the Judge will come down on me.
Like I have said, the Judge did bring it up, but I don’t think he ordered it and it’s not in the Order. That is a pretty big oversight isn’t it?

However, to my mind, my ex should have appealed for it to be changed within the 21 days, he hasn’t and has just decided to plough on with what he wants to do.

Does the Wednesday evening have a time to return by? If it does then I would message him twice after that time within an hour or so of when your DD should be back to ask what time she will be returned/advising if not home by X then you will be reporting her missing and then if he doesn't return by your specified time, report to the police for breach of arrangements order that she has failed to be returned.

Is there any reason it would be detrimental to your dc to be with their father more. This isn't about you it's about them. It's seems that dc is being used as a pawn in a power struggle between you two and it needs to stop both ways. I'm not defending his behaviour towards you but trying to restrict access is using your child to get back at him. The only consideration should be is it good for the child.

I’m not restricting his access. He took me to court, got a court order and I stick to the Order that the Judge gave us.

I’m not getting back at him for anything, I’m just sticking to the order that he insisted on getting.

The child does not want the extra night, and I do not think it’s in their best interests due to the set up there and the way he is.

I am quoted the Order and the Order is used against me to continue abuse of me, so that actually goes both ways. Both parents need to stick to it surely?

@Tiptoptum ignore those who are trying to invalidate what you have been put through by telling you you are being unreasonable wanting him to stick to the CAO that he sought, they obviously have not been through it and are speaking from a position of ignorance.

I agree @FlippyFloppyShoe.

Unless you've been through a relationship with a man who HAS TO control, and will do anything to exercise that control, including using the DC in any which way he can, you have no idea what this sort of situation is like.

My EXDP uses contact with the DC as a way of punishing me for leaving the relationship, which is why I applied for the Order myself. Even now we have an Order in place, he stills finds a way to not adhere to it completely, but as I have full childcare arranged separately I can live with his inconsistency, as I don't rely on him being available when I am not.