Can they force contact for my 12yo?

[mediationforanidiot]

Long story short, Dd's dad left when she was under 1yo. He never signed the birth certificate and soon shacked up with another woman and marrying shortly after. I went via CMS. He took me to Court to try to stop me getting maintenance, to which the Judge laughed and told him he had to pay. As a result he went self-employed, paying appx £5pw as he suddenly went from over 55kpa to 9kpa.
So far, fairly typical.

So, I don't want to drip-feed but it is lengthy, so here goes:
When dd was about 3 her nursery asked if I could get in touch with him for contact as apparently she was talking about him and painting him pictures. My heart broke at this point and I decided to send an email seeing if he had changed his mind about contact. We had a seemingly productive few emails where he was interested in her and seemed to want to meet. As the date grew closer he suddenly sprung it on me that if I dropped CMS he would meet her. I said the whole "it's not a pay per view" etc and refused. However a few months later, after it had been playing on my mind, I decided that I could get by without £5pw and actually I'd never forgive myself if he turned around to her later and said that was what stopped him from seeing her. Ridiculous I know but at the time it seemed like a sensible way to show willing re contact. Of course, as soon as CMS was cancelled he disappeared. Zero contact and zero maintenance. I felt he had made his choice but emailed to say the ball was always in his court re contact as I felt in the future when he was more willing to be a parent he might regret his choice.

There's a huge amount more but I've just typed half of it out and it's like a dissertation and hopefully not all needed. So, skipping to the end:

He has decided he wants contact
Dd and I met him last year and for 4 months I tried to do things at weekends with him (I paid for these and drove etc, really bending over backwards)
His behaviour was erratic and unstable - he frequently had no money and at the last meeting went "missing" for hours returning drunk

He left un-prescribed drugs in my car the same weekend
At this point I decided that was enough and I wasn't going to continue to meet up with him with dd as I could see his behaviour was unsafe (4 weekends)
He began messaging essays me about how he was going to take her now because I wasn't being a good parent. I told him I was blocking him as he was being nasty and needed mental health support. At this point he was really only messaging me - it always felt it was about getting to me rather than helping her.
He then began messaging her saying I had kept her away from him for all of the years in her childhood.
He told her he was going to take over and help her with her future as he knew more influential people than me.
She became scared he was going to actually do the above. We had long chats about his state of mind and how he has no parental rights so that is not going to happen. I asked her if she wanted to block him and she said yes. We blocked him on her devices and I unblocked him to explain this was her choice and I was going with her wishes. In the future she would contact him when she was ready to continue their relationship. I've had him blocked since.
Just before Christmas he turned up at my dad's house uninvited in the dark. I have never given him my dad's address, so he must have found it on the electoral roll. My dad told him to go away and shut the door. He has a ring doorbell thankfully so everything is documented.
After this I emailed his ex wife, who confirmed that he has multiple severe mental health problems he refuses to get medication and mental health help for
She also told me he regularly takes drugs and is an alcoholic (all of this I have seen evidence of on the weekends and can attest - she is not trying to "stir")
She also confirmed his recent work has been far more erratic than he led me to believe due to the above issues and he has not held a job for more than 3 months in 9 years.

I have today had an email from mediators, saying that he has turned up requesting they contact me for mediation. I have responded summarising that he has drug and alcohol issues, no parental rights and DD does not wish to see him so, no, do not want to have mediation.

Now I am sitting here worrying that he is somehow going to drag me back to Court and turn my life upside down, like he tried to when she was a baby, demanding to see her. Can this happen? I heard a scary interview on R4 last week about the father who abused his daughters and was allowed to repeatedly have contact, although he had PR so I hope this is different. After hearing that show though, I am really worried that somehow this man will be able to wreak havoc on us. Please can someone tell me that is not the case?

Slightly different scenario with me. My ex H tried to kill me, got a letter from his solicitor demanding contact with DSs age 6 and 12. We lost our house because he had re mortgaged by forging my signature, didn't pay,it was sold with negative equity. The judge said they were old enough to decide. My DGKs, dad had a baby before them, unmarried, went to court to try and gain access,there was no abuse or anything involved,he was denied access, because they weren't married. Oddly enough his DC is 18 and recently contacted him!

At 6 my DS was allowed to make the choice,he chose NO!

I imagine they will order a Section 7 investigation. So you will end up with Cafcass visiting you both and speaking to your child. They will make a recommendation to the court. However, without his name on the birth certificate and no PR, I'm not entirely sure it will even go that far. At 12 your daughter can say she doesn't want contact and I'd hope her wishes and feelings were taken into account. If he's not attempted mediation, there is a possibility that will be ordered first. This is ludicrous, it's like he's fixated on doing it for the hell of it. I'd be ensuring that he has to submit for drug and alcohol tests too.

I went through court as a self repper. It's important that you are fully prepared, keep your statement as child centred as possible and avoid slagging him off. He just needs enough rope 🤷🏻‍♀️

The date given will be an initial hearing- basically to see what if anything will happen between that date and the next court hearing. You'll be contacted by cafcass who will talk to your DD and yourself. By the sounds of it he'll be lucky to even get supervised and your DD's thoughts will be taken into account. Make sure you keep all emails/communication and show that to cafcass. As you've said no to mediation that's why it's gone to court as he will have got a letter from them saying you've said no which means it can go straight to court (don't worry about that you've got your reasons). I'm sure cafcass called me before the first hearing so you may here from them soon but after that they will then visit you. Im not sure if the phone call they will speak to your DD as mine was too young to speak at that point but don't worry about it, they will see straight through him.

Thank you everyone. Yes I think because he just ignored the section that it said needed signing off by the mediator I was hoping it might just be turfed out (he also omitted he took us to Court to withdraw maintenance, which it said should be declared). I've emailed the Court this morning to check that it will still go to the Hearing despite these errors on his form, but from what you all say it seems they have to regardless - such a waste of time and public money!

I was a bit shaken last night when I got the email (definitely from the Court and had lots of attachments to be read through) but having slept on it I have to keep going back to the fact no one in their right mind would let a kid live with a guy she has met 5 times, who has no job, a drug and alcohol problem and some clear MH issues.

I'll just wait and speak to Cafcass. Worryingly he has moved to the town next to where my dad lives, which explains his visit to him. Finding that out has not put either of our minds at rest!

As a further question, his previous address was in Australia and on Google Maps looks like an office block. Will they be sure to do a full background check on his personality from old work colleagues/bosses and find where he has been living? Even just asking his employers about him would nix this I feel.

Anyway, i'll let it play out. He shouted at me in front of the Judge multiple times last time which was noted and didn't go down well, so if they look that up that will be obvious too.

*edited to change employees to employers!

@Nannyfannybanny Didn't want to not comment - what a terrible situation for you all! Having had my ex give banks my address for loans I can see how worryingly easy that could happen - scared me a lot and I do wonder what else he may have set up against my house. I'm glad it all worked out for you. No one needs this stress!

I thought court documents could only be served by email if the recipient explicitly agreed to it?

He’s entitled to apply to court, but the courts in my area would give him short shrift with that history and a child who doesn’t actively want to see him.

He has clearly given them my email address. I've had nothing since the mediators emailed asking if I wanted to attend which was when I started this post. I was surprised they had just taken his word for everything and put the Court through the trouble of setting a date to be honest, would have thought a quick check with me would have saved everyone a lot of time and money.

Had the appointment with Cafcass to call me earlier today for the pre-Court advisor but that was hours ago and still no call. Is this just standard due to a stretched system or should I be trying to contact them? I haven't been given any number or name, I just had a secure email but that has been deleted now (went in to check it) so I have no way of knowing who was calling or where from.

I have a GP appt at 3pm and a CT scan at 5pm so I don't want to miss their call after all this time!

How is it going now?