Help Neighbour Threatening Me and My Children Constantly

[Honeybee99]

Long time poster name changed, I need some wise words and legal guidance.
I moved a year ago with my two young daughters. An elderly man had lived their for the previous 40 years. We are out of the house 7-6pm and we are not loud.

I needed a party wall agreement, the neighbour a man was unwilling so I paid a party wall agreement company who managed the process. The company chap remarked that he was surprised they were being used as there was so little done. My neighbour made up things like a vase fell because of the noise?!! He complained to the council but to no avail as we had done nothing. We don't use the lovely garden as I need to get it done, its just mud. Because I wanted good relations I sent the builder to speak to the neighbour about his gripes and we agreed to pay half each, I did not get involved in the discussion and paid (July 2023) the builder contacted me in December and said my neighbour did not pay.

This morning I received this :
Front Fence Broken - caused by building material constantly propped up against. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HE MEANS
2. Front of house - damaged/stained paintwork caused by the scaffolding erected by the builder using our house as support without our permission??
3. Front of house - cracks and distortion to render. ?????
4. Chimney - A signification amount of rubble came down the chimney during building work while the builder was using prohibited machinery. We would normally use it during the winter to supplement our heating but have not done so since building work started as we are no longer sure if it is safe to use.
5. The hole made in the loft party wall by the builder was never fixed.
10. Roof - requires a complete overhaul to fix damage caused by the builder.
11. Internal - Noticed cracking around the lintel close to the party wall.
I have also been asked for a contribution to the cost of repairs which I have not paid.

My expectation is that:
All the damage to my home is fixed at no cost to me.
All work is carried out by specialist contractors.

I am broken he refuses to speak with me (sent via party wall company).
PLEASE HELP WHAT DO I DO?
CAN I REQUEST HE LEAVES ME ALONE?

This. Surely it would be much more threatening if he were approaching you about this directly? Instead, he appears to be trying to take a more neutral approach, via the party wall company.

I get that it's horrid to fall out with neighbours, but you need to tone things down, because you are going to come across as unhinged to any third parties involved, which won't help your case. And I'm not surprised your NDN doesn't want to deal with you personally, if he gets this kind of over-reaction.

Thank you all for your contributions.
He wanted a small amount of work done on his roof and asked my builder, foolishly I offered to pay half because I knew he was angry about us moving in.
Re: my work I had to do essential work as my house had not been updated since the early 1980's so no it was not a big job at all.
Yes I tend to get anxious quickly, I am especially mindful because of 2 young children, and yes I do feel threatened. Someone doesn't need to physically harm you to feel threatened.
I am 100% confident there is no damage but when I get paid I will speak with a solicitor to my mind at ease. I wish he would never contact me again.
Thank you again.

It sounds like he's doing the opposite of threatening you by keeping communications through a neutral third party- who you paid for the PW agreement. Why haven't you just replied to them to ask what happens now? If they've assessed and don't agree with neighbours claims then there isn't much else to do, unless neighbour wants to take legal action but that would be between them and the builder.

Can you clarify what the 50/50 split was for? Eg was it all of the work you had done or just repairs/remedy for damage after initial building work, and was it all in your property or the neighbours also?

If there as a genuine agreement for the neighbour to pay half then the builder would be the one to follow up and nothing to do with you.

It's coming across as very dramatic over nothing.

Nothing you are saying is making any sense

I'm sorry but it isn't him who is acting strangely. He hasn't threatened you in any way, your daughter and yourself are completely safe, and whether you agree with him or not he is entitled to complain if he thinks his property has been damaged. Most people would put complaints like this in writing too, so there is a record. And you can't really complain that he doesn't speak to you, then simultaneously complain that he should speak to you.

To be honest, your reaction seems very over the top.

OP. You "feeling threatened" and saying he's "threatening you" are two very different things.

OP have you considered counselling for your anxiety? You have spiralled on this and got yourself into quite a state. This neighbour has not threatened you - and most people would not feel threatened in this situation. He has not involved your children in any way - in fact he has been incredibly non confrontational and has not even approached you.

it’s best to address these issues while your children are young - growing up with a parent who catastrophises in normal situations can be very damaging for children’s emotional development.

yes of course you don’t have to be physically harmed to feel threatened - but this man hasn’t even spoken to you. It’s not rationale.

Are any of your NDN's allegations about the damage true, OP?

Echoing what others have said... he is claiming that there is damage to his property as a result of the works carried out on your property, if found to be true, they have a right to be compensated for any loss / damage. Your party wall solicitor should manage this for you.

He wanted a small amount of work done on his roof and asked my builder, foolishly I offered to pay half because I knew he was angry about us moving in

what?I don’t understand, why would you possibly do that?

Op already said no

She said there was no damage, but also that all the issues he raised were new to her. Hard to see how both statements can be correct, as presumably she hasn’t had the chance to examine his side of the roof and his chimney, if she has only just been made aware of the problems.