Just found out my mother died in January. No one told me before now and my sister has inherited everything.

[Ratatouee]

I had an abusive mother growing up and when my father died a few years ago, no one told me for months (family members were afraid of her wrath). I didn’t even know he was ill/dying and was not notified of his death or funeral. I was incredibly sad about this. I live overseas, but my sister had my email as I visited her circa 18 months-2 years before he died (she didn’t mention to me at all that he had lung cancer and I think there’s a high probability she may have known at this point). I live overseas and so flew back to visit his grave and place flowers, as soon as I could, once I had heard the news of his passing.

Fast-forward a few more years, and I have found out via an old school friend this week, that my mother has also died (earlier this year). An unexpected/sudden death, apparently. I have been in shock. I just don’t understand how cruel my Aunty (who also had my email address and whom I thought loved me), could, in all conscience, not let me know my mother (her sister) had died, when she knew/saw how upset I’d been when I wasn’t told my late father was ill/had died? My sister has not contacted me either.

I’m guessing my sister must have inherited everything from our late mother’s estate, as no one has contacted me about her will. I’m not a materialistic person, however, my dad always told me and my sister that when he died, he’d leave each of us a house (he owned several at the time). I have no idea who the Executor of his will was and whether or not anything might have been left in his will to me. It’s a similar situation with my late mother: I have an old Will of hers she signed/had witnessed years ago, in which she states her wishes are to divide everything in her estate between my sister and I upon her death. I have no idea whether she changed her Will as we lost touch/didn’t get along for years due to her abuse, which continued into my adulthood. I’m not aware who the Executor of her will is either, or know where to begin to try to find out.

I’m wondering if anyone has any knowledge of contesting a will? Is it expensive? Is it worth the effort (etc)? I’m wondering if perhaps I haven’t been left ‘reasonable financial provision' as her eldest daughter (of two)? I’m a single, divorced over 55 woman with hardly and pension accumulated who struggles to fund a home/car/bills etc, (although I get by, by working my butt off). My sister was already well-off as she literally won the lottery decades ago (not the main prize, but a substantial amount that was enough to buy an investment property and a barn to convert into a home).

It can be costly contesting a Will from what I’ve read online. I’m not an adversarial person by nature, in fact I’m the polar opposite of my fiery/nasty sister and late mother, but the way I’ve been silenced/cut out, as if I don’t exist, has really upset me. If I were to gain anything from my late mother’s estate, I’d probably give it to my two adult children/her grandchildren. My mother had all my childhood/baby photos. At the very least, I’d have loved to have been passed some of them to be able to share with my children (and seem them for myself too after 50-ish years!)

Part of me says ‘sod them’ and I hope my sister ‘chokes’ on everything she has grabbed. The other part says: But what about all the poverty-stricken and abusive and neglectful childhood I had to live through, complete with emotional and physical abuse and now it’s as if I didn’t matter at all and didn't/don’t exist in my sister and mother’s eyes?

I’m wondering if you can please share your opinion of you would do in this situation? I feel really mixed about it all. She died in January this year, so I don’t even know if it’s too late to contest? I’ve only just found out, so I’m not sure if that has some bearing?

Sometimes, apart from my wonderful adult children, I wonder if it may have been better for me not to have been born at all. It would have saved all the pain, all the abuse and heartache and now this…the final ‘nail in the coffin.’ Literally.

Please be kind with your replies. She may not have liked me, but she was my mother after all. Thank you 💜

Exactly this!

Ignore all the self righteous people asking why would you want their money if they were evil. Some people lack empathy and only see things from their own narrow view.

I think you deserve some inheritance BECAUSE they were vile. But of course that doesn’t equal entitlement in the law unfortunately.
You have dealt with an abusive family growing up and this just seems like another smack in the face. Even if NC you have a right to know they died and what the will said.

all the best to you

So you’ve had a taste of the OP’s experience and you’re still entirely lacking in empathy? Well done you.

I’m not going to waste my time trying to explain to you the complicated feelings at play here. It is clearly too much for you to understand.

There's something very wrong with you @Tontostitis.

Very wrong.

You’re actually attacking the OP for ‘behaving’ the way she has? I.e. going NC with a mother who’s prolonged abused almost killed her?

You really are your parents’ little flying monkey aren’t you. Jesus.

I have concluded that there are a lot of angry, cruel/selfish grandmas on here tbh!

^Maybe this is why. Or they’re just selfish idiots. Any family-related inheritance issue brings all the real nasties and narcs out in force, unfortunately. I have always wondered why.

If she died in January, the chance of probate on a large estate being granted and it being settled is slim, it takes longer for most families unless it's very simple

This

Some people on here have had an empathy bypass and think they are in AIBU. Life isn’t all black and white and those with no empathy would do well to make it a NY’s resolution to get some.

I am NC with my mum, no way would I accept a single penny under any circumstances. I would be delighted for my siblings to benefit from her estate.

What you would or wouldn't do is nothing to do with Op's situation. Op, by the way, is posting on the legal board, so presumably looking for legal advice.

Are you saying that as someone with genuine legal knowledge? Ten months, unless it was super complex ,sounds a long time. My estates and wills specialist solicitor advised approx four months.

@horseyhorsey17 , we eventually benefited from my mother’s Will after he’d left everything to her. He made it very clear that if it had been possible he would have taken all his money with him. It sounds unbelievable but absolutely true.
I have discovered a very different side to my father since his death unfortunately.

@payrise OP would be better advised to consult a solicitor for legal advice. I just expressed my opinion, if I was in OP position, as you expressed yours.

Speaking from experience, the wheels of the probate court grind exceedingly slow. It took 2 years from when my mother died to having all the loose ends completely tied up. We used a solicitor, there was nothing complex about her will, no disputes, though there were investments to be sorted out. This was well before Covid, which I understand has made legal processes even lengthier than they were before.

You are basing your judgement on your family's situation. You are in no position to do this. You literally gave no idea of the level of abuse the OP may have suffered. Good for you that you have difficult parents that treated you in some capacity poorly. Perhaps they treated your sisters worse. Perhaps difficult is not the sane as abusive. In all honesty you sound bitter which suggests you are still suffering and are not wiling to confront the reality of your situation at all and find lashing out at others in some way makes you feel better as you can paint yourself as more virtuous. Sounds like you are just a sad little doormat.

but surely you could of tried to keep in touch with your family ?

Not if the family is abusive!

Sorry OP that you have had this happen. In the country I live in (EU, each have their own legal system), you cannot disinherit a child unless he's junkie or whatever

Stems from Napoleon or something....

I agree. Kids don't ask to be born. Doesn't mean there is something left to inherit! But I agree. If there's anything left, gives them a chance to fix their life.

However I do like the British way of being able to leave it to the cats! LOL.
(love cats!).

But you have 6 months from the death to apply for grant of probate, so the application may not have gone in till July.

DM's estate took 20 months from when it was submitted for probate and came back to the solicitor on the same day as one which had taken three years. My godmother's equally straightforward estate took two years.

DM and godmother both had very clear and straightforward wills which were not contested. I was an executor for both and in each case the solicitor who had drawn up the will and knew the estate was involved.

A large chunk of tha delay time was the processing by HMRC, after the drawn out probate process.

I think you need to separate the issues and work out what it is that is upsetting you;
Father/mother's death
damaged relationship with sister
"betrayal" by aunt who didn't tell you (why? maybe sister said she would do it?)
Possibly being left out of the will

Reading your OP it comes across as a tangled mess of new and old wounds you need to take a step back and try to work out why you are feeling like you do and which part of all this is the cause

I have not read the full thread. However, I note there are some posts giving incorrect advice on the first page.

@sorrynotathome "Reasonable financial provision" absolutely is a thing. The Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act allows children of the deceased (amongst others) to make a claim if the will has not made reasonable financial provision for them.

@Edwardandtubbs A child does not have to be financially dependent on their parent in order to make a successful claim. Whilst a claim is more likely to succeed if the child is financially dependent, it is not a necessary precondition. In Ilott vs The Blue Cross and Others, Heather Ilott had been estranged from her mother for 26 years at the time of her mother's death and had been completely independent from her financially throughout that time. Her mother cut Mrs Ilott out of her will, but the courts decided that, in view of her circumstances, she was entitled to a share of her mother's estate.

@Ratatouee As others have said, you should be able to get a copy of both wills (your father's and your mother's) from the probate registry. As it is less than a year since your mother died, it is possible her estate has not been distributed yet. However, if it has been distributed and the will has not been followed, you have a claim against the executor (this is also true of your father's estate, of course). If neither will leaves you anything, you may be able to make a claim against your mother's estate. However, you need to move quickly. The time limit for claims is 6 months from the grant of probate, although in your case you should be able to get the limit extended provided you act promptly since you didn't know your mother had died. If you want to pursue this, your first step is to consult a lawyer who specialises in contentious probate. So, your first step is to get copies of the wills, then decide where you want to go from there.

That's terrible, @C8H10N4O2. Thanks for explaining.

@prh47bridge Yes I mean I wouldn’t call it advice, because I didn’t give advice, hence I said ‘my understanding is’ and used the phrase ‘no automatic right’ rather than saying ‘my considered legal advice is that this is definitely the case’ but go off why don’t you….

I've not rtft as there are so many messages

You need to go on the government search for probate website and put in your mother's name and date of death. If probate has been granted you will be able to look at a copy of the will online. If there was no will then you will see a letter of administration. If the latter is the case then quite possibly the will you have is the correct one. If there was no will then you should inherit under the intestacy rules if your mother didn't remarry

OP I can sympathise with you. It’s a real stab in the back isn’t it. I posted re a similar situation recently and got a lot of useful replies which have helped me to move on.

Just remember IT’S NOT YOU.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/legal_matters/4904237-new-will-made-under-intimidation-is-a-challenge-likely-to-be-successful