I had an abusive mother growing up and when my father died a few years ago, no one told me for months (family members were afraid of her wrath). I didn’t even know he was ill/dying and was not notified of his death or funeral. I was incredibly sad about this. I live overseas, but my sister had my email as I visited her circa 18 months-2 years before he died (she didn’t mention to me at all that he had lung cancer and I think there’s a high probability she may have known at this point). I live overseas and so flew back to visit his grave and place flowers, as soon as I could, once I had heard the news of his passing.
Fast-forward a few more years, and I have found out via an old school friend this week, that my mother has also died (earlier this year). An unexpected/sudden death, apparently. I have been in shock. I just don’t understand how cruel my Aunty (who also had my email address and whom I thought loved me), could, in all conscience, not let me know my mother (her sister) had died, when she knew/saw how upset I’d been when I wasn’t told my late father was ill/had died? My sister has not contacted me either.
I’m guessing my sister must have inherited everything from our late mother’s estate, as no one has contacted me about her will. I’m not a materialistic person, however, my dad always told me and my sister that when he died, he’d leave each of us a house (he owned several at the time). I have no idea who the Executor of his will was and whether or not anything might have been left in his will to me. It’s a similar situation with my late mother: I have an old Will of hers she signed/had witnessed years ago, in which she states her wishes are to divide everything in her estate between my sister and I upon her death. I have no idea whether she changed her Will as we lost touch/didn’t get along for years due to her abuse, which continued into my adulthood. I’m not aware who the Executor of her will is either, or know where to begin to try to find out.
I’m wondering if anyone has any knowledge of contesting a will? Is it expensive? Is it worth the effort (etc)? I’m wondering if perhaps I haven’t been left ‘reasonable financial provision' as her eldest daughter (of two)? I’m a single, divorced over 55 woman with hardly and pension accumulated who struggles to fund a home/car/bills etc, (although I get by, by working my butt off). My sister was already well-off as she literally won the lottery decades ago (not the main prize, but a substantial amount that was enough to buy an investment property and a barn to convert into a home).
It can be costly contesting a Will from what I’ve read online. I’m not an adversarial person by nature, in fact I’m the polar opposite of my fiery/nasty sister and late mother, but the way I’ve been silenced/cut out, as if I don’t exist, has really upset me. If I were to gain anything from my late mother’s estate, I’d probably give it to my two adult children/her grandchildren. My mother had all my childhood/baby photos. At the very least, I’d have loved to have been passed some of them to be able to share with my children (and seem them for myself too after 50-ish years!)
Part of me says ‘sod them’ and I hope my sister ‘chokes’ on everything she has grabbed. The other part says: But what about all the poverty-stricken and abusive and neglectful childhood I had to live through, complete with emotional and physical abuse and now it’s as if I didn’t matter at all and didn't/don’t exist in my sister and mother’s eyes?
I’m wondering if you can please share your opinion of you would do in this situation? I feel really mixed about it all. She died in January this year, so I don’t even know if it’s too late to contest? I’ve only just found out, so I’m not sure if that has some bearing?
Sometimes, apart from my wonderful adult children, I wonder if it may have been better for me not to have been born at all. It would have saved all the pain, all the abuse and heartache and now this…the final ‘nail in the coffin.’ Literally.
Please be kind with your replies. She may not have liked me, but she was my mother after all. Thank you 💜