Seeing child in prison

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Hi
the father of my child is currently remanded in custody for charges towards me. Is he allowed to see his child while in there and who do I speak to regarding it?
thank you

Are you in England?
It depends. He would need to add his child to his visitor list but then his offender manager would check if there were any restrictions on contact (eg if social care have said he is a risk or due to his offence or if there is an order preventing contact). The child’s carer would usually be contacted for agreement too.

If the child did manage to be added to the visit list they would need an adult also on a visit lost to accompany them. Presumably that wouldn’t be you as I assume you may have some order in place to prevent him being near you?

Usually prisoners themselves would instigate requested visitors to be added to their visit List.

If you don’t want him to have visits with you child I would write that in a letter and it would be pretty hard for him to manage visits without your consent given the circumstances.

Thanks for your reply. Yes I’m in England. I was going to call the social services today and tell them I want to agree to my child visiting and see what they say.
yes it would be with another member of family as I am not allowed contact with him

As the child's legal guardian you will be able to make that decision. Do you think it would be in the child's best interests? The exception to this would be if he was assessed as presenting a risk to children.

A trusted adult (grandparent, friend) can take the child on your behalf.

You would need to contact the prison and ask for their visits booking information. They may have certain procedures in place.

I would think very carefully about whether this would be a positive experience for your child. Its not a nice environment and you can't undo that once it's done.

I have undertaken hundreds of prison visits professionally and I would never take young children into that setting.

For me the exceptions would be older children (late teens) who already have a good understanding and also possibly open prisons where the environment is different. If my children's father was in prison they would have phone calls and letter contact only.

I wouldn't put my child through that, prison isn't the place.

Have you ever been to a prison OP? Or family time at prison visiting? I wouldn't take my child there in a million years.
What's the nature of his current offending? Maintaining a relationship with the child's father isn't always viewed positively by children's social care

Sorry I misread your OP he's remanded for domestic abuse. It's really quite a high threshold to be RIC for that (unfortunately). Social care may well deem you failing to protect.
Why on earth do you want your child to see a man who was so violent to you?
Was the child present during the offending?

The prison will follow what social care say most likely to that is a good plan.

There is a good booklet called “locked out” that is aimed at children with a parent in prison - https://www.prisonadvice.org.uk/locked-out

The prison should also have a family service provider who should be able to answer questions for you about visits at the prison and offer support re advice about visits at that prison if you want to prepare your child/family for the visit. You should be able to find out who runs the family service at your child’s fathers prison online or by calling prisoners family helpline. https://www.prisonersfamilies.org/helpline

Yes - an odd thing if violent to you

Thanks for your reply.
My child wasn’t around when this happened. We had an argument which involved death threats towards me, and mainly verbal abuse.
I don’t have any concerns for their relationship I do believe it’s me and him that’s the problem and if I could be out the picture I don’t feel he isn’t a risk to our child at all.

Sorry I meant I don’t feel he is a risk to our child*

He's in prison for a single argument where he made death threats to you?

I have never been to a prison in my life which at first made me adamant I wouldn’t be sending my child.
but after speaking to another family member who has taken their child to visits before I was told that they have an area especially for children and that it’s not what you expect at it to be at all. This made me reconsider.

People don’t get remanded in custody for saying some daft things in an argument.

I’ve known people remanded for threats to kill, with a background of domestic abuse…but the offence was threats to kill.

“Mainly” verbal abuse.

what / why are you minimising this op? I think it’s unusual to be RIC for a first time “mainly verbal” incident.

I think you need to think very carefully about how social services will view this op

Sorry, so I believe it’s the death threats that have caused this. These were also said infront of other people. He has been charged with controlling behaviour that he has pleaded not guilty to aswell

Each prison is different and I admit I've never been on a family visit but the whole environment is unpleasant. Airport style security, lots of big doors being locked and unlocked, sniffer dogs, prison waiting areas can be dirty and smelly. Some prisons have a "nice" waiting area for families but I really don't think it would be beneficial for the child in the majority of cases.

Coercive control? Have you had support for that op to ensure he doesn’t control you ongoing or through contact with your child?

Most prisons have lots of children attending visits weekly, and most have play areas and support staff available for families. I wouldn’t be worried about the environment itself. It’s more if ongoing contact is right for your child given the circumstances. I would think social care and/or domestic abuse support services might be best placed to think that through with you.

For a charge of coercive and controlling behaviour to be accepted and a remand decision made that is big threshold. I think you should have a Frank discussion with social services and see what they say.

Has he requested that the child be brought in to visit him? Because that is controlling behaviour in itself.

You want to take your child to see a nasty controlling man who made death threats to you? Why aren't you using this time to move far away?

Has someone agreed to take your child to see him? It's quite a big ask of the relative/friend/trusted person too. I'd hate to be asked to do something like this, especially to benefit a man who made threats to kill my sister/daughter/friend.

How old is the child?

You really should consider taking part in the freedom programme https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/ Protect your child.

I haven’t had support for this and I just want to do the right thing I don’t want to be in the way of my child’s relationship with father if it has the chance to be healthy with me not around. However of course I don’t want to put my child in a bad position by letting her see him if it’s not going to end well.
I will take your advice and call these services see just see what they advise.

That’s exactly my point. Either the police are concerned he will act on the threats, or there is a lot more to it.

OP you are the victim, here. Please seek help in understanding what has happened. It’s not your fault, and the way you are thinking now is a normal pattern for women who have been in controlling relationships. You can come out the other side. But please don’t let him victimise your child.